"The Journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"
Lao - Tse
The Inside Job continues. The journey of change is daunting sometimes but as it says above, it starts with a single step. Small little victories every day that mount up make it so much easier to cope when broken down into piecemeal chunks.
I have made the public commitment to change and although I'm frightened I will not succeed (old familiar negative thought patterns of failure that come to me as naturally as breathing see) I've made a decent start to the journey and taken that all important first step.
The behaviour I want to challenge myself over today is the Morning routine. How important is it to your day? How do you get up? Do you have a routine? Are you a 'morning' person or does it take you a nuclear siren warning to get you out of your pit?
I like getting up super early. I love the early morning. There is a peace about it. You feel like you can get so much done in the day. Plus of course as you get older you tend to wake up earlier. It's the inevitability of getting older. Random hair and early rising, if not with morning glory.
However, I have two problems about my love of early mornings;
1 - I love staying up late
2 - I love smoking and drinking tea in the morning
Not good is it? Kind of destroys the object of the morning or feeling good. I stay up late smoking and faffing (killing myself) then get up early to smoke and faff (and kill myself some more). It's A DOUBLE bubble self sabotage full of faff. (whatever faffing is, but men tend to faff, women tend to potter)
Of course my intentions for the morning are good every night. To exercise, juice, meditate and get going - as I have on sporadic occasions, but somehow when the morning comes and I've put in a 3am shift, exercising sounds as appealing as a 3 some with Charles Saatchi and Nigella.
Of course at this point, married people with kids will be saying. Get married and have a kid FFS then you won't be able to sit around smoking & faffing. It is a fair point.
However a good pal of mine (you know who you are) enjoys nothing better than packing the kids off to bed, then the missus (later) and staying up for a top class procrastinate. Thank god I'm not alone! It's not so much the act you do, it's the thought and behavioural pattern behind it. Ultimately it is self sabotage.
So in the spirit of the 2014 'Inside Job' blog. It's not just my job to report the bad habits, or the problems. It's my job to report the solutions and my experience in trying to use them.
According to the excellent website www.brainpickings.org a recent scientific study by University College, London found that on average it takes 21 days to form a new habit. However there is a disclaimer - only if it is something exceptionally simple like drinking a glass of water with breakfast, 21 days is about right, however if it is something more complicated or active (running for 15 minutes after dinner for instance) then it can take up to a year or even longer before it becomes standard practice in ones life. Here's the link - http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/01/02/how-long-it-takes-to-form-a-new-habit/
So let me cut to the chase. My morning habit is clearly governed by my behaviour and what I put in my body/mind the previous day. If my standard evening on my own is, yoga/gym/meeting. Home 10pm. Eat. Text, message, TV, write, email. Surf Internet. TV, 2-3am, plus smoke, tea, diet coke. Is it any wonder I don't sleep until 3am or even later sometimes?
Therefore my morning routine varies. Awake 7-8am. Up, pray, hand will and life over to god (still half asleep so it doesn't really sink into my soul) kitchen, tea, cigarette, write journal or morning pages - how I feel, gratitude list, put on chanting, more tea, smoking. Think about the day. Think 'how am I going to get out of doing work today', plan day around exercise, smoke more, drink tea, get ready for work at 9.30am, then out the door by between 9 and 10am, without a plan for the day.
Brilliant isn't it!! I've pretty much fooled everyone that I'm in control, I'm a confident go getting man in charge of his future. That's not what is under the bonnet!!
When I write that down and read it, it's hardly any wonder I'm in the position I'm in. Not making it easy for myself am I? I have honed this habit over years.
My natural inclination is to engage in the bad habits. I am drawn to them by will, desire and craving. So doing the opposite takes work, dedication and effort. I hate effort. I just want to feel good automatically. On a bad day I may think, 'why do I have to put this effort in?' - at this point my attitude is not right, it's destructive. A better way of thinking is - "If I do this I'll feel good and can do anything I want". This is freeing, more positive and will ultimately make me happier. So why so much resistance to do it?
Is that resistance deep rooted? Does it come from childhood? Is it just learned patterns of habitual behaviour? Is it self sabotage? Is it my alcoholic ego? Is it my demons out to get me and keep me miserable or more lethally kill me. Is it self hatred on a deep level?
Maybe it's a combination of all of them. Usually most people want to find out the answer and then do something about it. Me? Well I can't just sit around waiting so I'm going to have to employ the old school AA maxim of having 'Smart feet'. Which is to put the footwork in and the head will follow.
If I'm honest I take a sick enjoyment out of living in bad habits/character defects. I thought it makes me non-conventional, rebellious, unique, a character, special and different. It fed my ego in a weird way.
And today? I think that's a crock of shit. It's embarrassing. That attitude is utterly stupid. It doesn't make me special and different, it makes me addicted to nicotine, caffeine, sweetener and unwell. It makes me negative. How's that for unique Nicholas! I've busted my Ego! Hooray.
It's pretty basic stuff isn't it. But to me it's like rocket science!! The real special and different ones go and make an impact in the world not try to kill themselves. It is about harnessing this super powerful ego in a positive external way not in a self sabotaging self indulgent harmful way. I see that now. See what I mean about living in the ego for so long that you couldn't actually see that you were in it. That's how clever, subtle and powerful it is.
So - how can we change it? How can I move out of this habitual behaviour?
Lets start with the morning routine. As I spoke about yesterday, Doing something repetitively until it becomes habit. Well in the morning, I'm going to try the following routine;
- Wake - stretch and pray immediately in knees bent stretch lower lumbar position
- Hand will and live over to go and try to be mindful about doing that so it sticks in my mind and I feel it
- Glass of water + hot water & lemon
- Get on foam roller and do 15 stretching back and meditating
- 10 minutes of chanting
- Tea (cigarette optional but obviously going to try and get rid of that)
- Fresh juice from the juicer (vegetable mostly)
- Prayer
- Checklist for day/gratitude list - write down head stuff
- Ready to go
If I can heal my body, spine, neck then I would love to add exercise onto that for early morning routine, whether that be running, cycling, swimming or gym. It's a great start to the day,
The whole point is to do the things that turn my head from negative to positive. To feed my mind as well as my body to prepare for the day. To make me happier to make me healthier.
It's a tough one as my instincts are to smoke, drink tea and piss about. This will be a big test. It is huge to me, so lets see how I get on. I may drop some of them if it's all too much but the aim will be to get a morning routine I am comfortable with and helps me get into a good mind set for the day.
Wish me luck, I'm going to need it! I hope it becomes habit within 21 days, though I suspect it's going to take a little longer of trial and error. We shall see.
On a more mundane level, yesterday I put my back out in the gym. 1st time I stepped in there in 2 weeks and the back went whilst doing box jumps. Now I have a lower back, upper back, shoulder and chest problem. It is a unique way of pain management, get a new injury to take your mind off the original one.
Clearly my body is grumbling at me. If I don't take notice of it screaming out to change I really am an idiot. I'm pretty grumpy as I cannot exercise but maybe it's God's way of grabbing my attention. I'm that engrained in my habits. It takes something severe to make me take notice. And even then I have ignored in the past.
To have a dodgy back is also good for my ego. It Keeps me in check as I'm walking around like a man who's been f**d and has just sh*t himself. It's not a great look. But I make people laugh by my ridiculous attempts to move with any kind of panache or swagger. I don't so much as walk as stumble with my arse out.
The bad news is they're laughing at me not with me, but when your as self obsessed and needy for attention as much as I am, you'll take any laugh you can get.
Together We Are Stronger
Nicholas Evans
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