Day 29 - Mashed Potato

"When are you going to get sick of yesterday's mashed potato."
Anonymous

I heard someone say that phrase today and really liked it. It's sufficiently silly and profound and made sense to me.

What's your mashed potato? What is it that you can't stop doing every day? Patterns of behaviour? Habits? Addictions? Lifestyle? Thinking? Job? Relationship? Anything you feel powerless to change?

I've had so many periods of my life when I've been trapped in the mash even though I'm sick of it. You can't stop eating it every day. Sick of the white carby fog it makes you feel but unable to stop chowing down on it. What a frustrating place to be but so common in many of our lives.

It's usually taken some kind of bottom in order to contemplate changing. Usually carb overload. There needs to be some shift in order for change to happen. In whichever form.

Although there are many things I'd like to/need to change, today (and it's just for today) I can honestly say I don't have a taste for yesterday's mash. No matter how much butter, cream and cheddar cheese you bung in it. Today I don't want the mash, but I know I will at some point.

**Did you get confused what the hell I was on about there? Me too, and I wrote the sodding thing. Some days I know what I mean even if it can't express it very well. Mash metaphor over. Thank God.

                    ******************************************************

I got a great email today from someone who reads the blog. I won't embarrass him by naming him but you know who you are. He wrote the following;

"Hey Nick! I love the blog. Relate so much to all of it (what even the eating pork scratchings at a girl in the cinema? - I added that in) I look forward to reading it each night when I go to bed. It's on the money and you are right to share it. It's so helpful."

What a top email to wake up to. So nice to be of service. So nice to be of use, to connect with people. To identify. To be together in this human experience. Not everyone is an addict. It occurred to me that not everyone has the kind of head/inner voice/inner chimp/ego I do. But we all have our own doubts, insecurities, frustrations and it's great to keep connected with you all and to try and laugh at this insanity called life along the way. We're all trying to get on the best we can and it was very kind for someone to take the trouble to email such kind words.

The only hope I have is that he's not knocking one out in bed as he reads my blog. That's genuinely scary.

           ******************************************************************

My Eastern European Man Hands Chiropractor gave me a good going over today. I swear she has the hands the size of Peter Schmichael. Real Shovel hands. My lower back is still bad but my neck has got a lot worse over the past few weeks. I'm in constant low grade pain.

When I told her she made what I could only make out to be a slight grunt, and small shake of the head. I could tell she was thinking, 'pussy, man up'. Anyway she contorted me into positions people in Cirque De Solie shouldn't be in and attempted to crack my neck.

I swear she was trying to twist it off it's hinges. At one point I think it did a 360 degree rotation. I thought this may change my perception totally. Unfortunately when I got up, she asked me how it was. I said 'no change'. She grunted, shook her head and sent me packing. Like it was my fault. Perhaps I need to find another treatment? Part of me quite likes the rejection though. it's like seeing a dominatrix but in a healthy way. Perhaps I need a shrink instead?

        ****************************************************************

Have you ever felt there is a bigger plan for you? I'm not sure what I mean but recently with job/investment/coaching/recovery etc, it feels like things are falling into line as they are supposed to happen. I feel very grateful that I have opportunities. It's hard when you re wading through the shit to believe in a higher power, a plan or a role that's mapped out for you. far easier when the good stuff is happening.

I just get the feeling at the moment that I am being looked after, that things are mapped out. My job is not get in the way and let my ego fuck them up. I have a superb recovery. The only problem is that sometimes I'm in it!

Together We Are Stronger

Nicholas Evans