"For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress, it never proceeded"
Big Book, AA, Page - 127
Today I'm going to talk about fear. Why? Because I'm in it. I woke up in it, I worked in it this afternoon, I went to the gym in it this evening and now I'm sitting down writing this blog in it. (and David Beckham pants) I'm in FEAR.
The specific fear I'm in is financial fear. I had the dawning realisation today there is no pay packet at the end of the month. I am without job, investment and income. It seemed OK last night but not today.
I realised the maths don't work. £0 coming in, £2500 going out. That really doesn't work does it? Clearly had I been more financially prudent over the years and stuck a load away for times like this I'd be OK. But when has a unmanageable raving alcoholic lunatic ever considered things like a 'prudent reserve'?
I'm not quite sure if it is fear of financial insecurity or financial fear. Is there any difference?
Fear of financial insecurity is usually based on projection. You may have money or a job and fear losing it, or not getting enough. "What happens of it all runs out". This is a common form of fear. I read something scary that 44% are only 3 months away from going broke if they lose their job. A grim statistic.
Financial fear is different. "How am I going to get through the month?" "How can I pay the mortgage, kids fees, put food on the table" I think it is a more immediate genuine fear of the now rather than the future. Today I have both.
Many of us are in this financial hole and full of fear. People are out of work, looking for jobs, in debt or living on low incomes. Tough times. Not all of us of course, but many people are facing a new financial landscape. The boom and credit era of the 2000's is vastly different and many people are feeling it. I am no different.
I am lucky in the sense that I don't have kids or a family to support. I also rent my gaff. Having said that I still have vastly fixed outgoings and an awful smoking, gum, diet coke (lessened) and unmanageable habit to uphold. It requires income and when you run out of income your bound to shit yourself, plus of course get real and abandon some of these unnecessary habits that cost money.
So what is fear, this deadly assassin that can so utterly debilitate you? This emotion that can render you motionless at times. Panicked. Worried. Stressed and depressed. It can right fuck you up.
Fear is an emotion induced by a perceived threat which causes entities to quickly pull far away from it and usually hide. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus which is perceived as a risk of significant loss of health, wealth, status, power, security or of anything held valuable. In short, fear is a motivating force arising from the ability to recognize danger leading to an urge to confront it or flee from it (also known as the fight-or-flight response) but in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) a freeze or paralysis response is possible.
In short it as a feeling that kicks in when our security is threatened. A survival mechanism that some people react with a vigour - fight. (I'll beat this fear and do something about it) or flight (fuck this I'm off)
There are two common anagrams that spring to mind;
Fuck
Everything
And
Run
or
Face
Everything
And
Recover
I don't know about you but my instincts are firmly in the former. When faced with times of trouble my mind immediately shouts "RUN AWAY!!!!" Where? "ANYWHERE - JUST RUN!!" Whether it be in booze, drugs, sexual conduct, food, procrastination, smoking or pretty much anything that helps avoid dealing with the awful reality. This of course is ultimately futile. It never solves the problem. It never provides an answer. It merely delays the inevitable.
So how can we conquer fear? Well first - how does it happen? Fear engulfs me and I can't stop thinking about it. I project 2 months in advance when I run out of money and can't live, eat, afford my outgoings. I'm already placing myself on the street, having my car repossessed, Iphone repossessed and everything else.
This is when my diseased head is in it's element. It feeds of one fear, creating another, and another and another until a complex web of fear has been spun making life gloomy and dark. It's a low place to be.
Of course when this is happening I am entirely in self centred ego. All I am thinking is about me, my situation, my fears and worries, what I haven't got and what I'm not getting. It is all negative. It is debilitating. There is no perspective. I am not focusing on the solutions. I'm in full flight mode.
So these are the top 10 steps I've been trying to employ tonight to get me through the fear;
1 - Acknowledge it. No point in denying how we are feeling or sweeping it under the carpet is there? How can you deal with something if you don't acknowledge it exists?
2 - What is the specific fear - is it finance, relationship, being on our own, status threatened? Fear is usually brought on by some self centred ego. We are either worried we are going to lose something we've got or won't get something we want. We are entirely based in self. Once we pinpoint what they are we can then actually ask ourselves, "Is this real or is this my head?"
For me it is real today. I need an income. Simple. What wasn't real was my projection of 2 months time. Or me beating myself about the past for not retraining or saving a prudent reserve. What good is that doing me? None. It's just living in the problem some more. So is it real or is it imaginary.
If it is real we can do something about it, if it is imaginary we can share it with another and that usually takes the power out of it. Once we hear ourselves speak the fear we can usually get a handle on if it sounds rational or irrational. That's why keeping things in is harmful. All we are doing them is sitting in the problem. So share it with a trusted source.
3 - Live in the now. Is it NOW? If I'm living in the future or past I'm not in the now. Just for today I have a home, some money, food in the fridge, gum, 7 cigarettes, clothes and lots of people who love me. I'm OK just now. When I think of now I don't have fear. How can I if I just have now. Here's a tip. Look at your feet. What do you see? You see your feet right? Well that's exactly where you are now. My feet aren't 2 months time feet. They are now feet and just for right now I'm perfectly OK. I'm always exactly where I am. It's just sometimes my mind isn't.
4 - Feelings aren't Facts. If you're prone to lunatic negative thinking like me and listen to the committee in your head too much. Sometimes it processes information that isn't always accurate and I can feel certain feelings that drive my mood. Again I am 'In my head' here and not living by the facts. If I bring my facts back to today I have enough. What's to worry about?
5 - Perspective - Hate this one. 'There's always someone worse off than you'. Oh fuck off, easy to say that when your on a decent income and everything is OK for you right? That's where my head goes anyway. It's true though, when in the fear I tend to lose all sense of perspective and think my fears, worries and problems are worse than anyone Else's. They are not. Lots of people have similar ones to me. Lots of people have it worse. When I lose perspective I'm properly fucked and in the mire. A sense of perspective and gratitude can leave more room for solutions and optimism.
6- Faith - The ultimate antidote to fear is Faith. It is impossible to have fear when you are in faith. 'Oh fuck off again' I react, 'it's easy to be in faith when you have a monthly income right? God's not going to give me a job is he? God's not going to pay off my sodding rent?'
All true, but then again God's not going to give me a job if I don't get up off my arse and look is he? God's not going to come knocking on my door. I've got to put the action in and then maybe, just maybe something will happen. And how do I know God isn't going to give me a job or some income? If I get out of my way for long enough to let it happen. Maybe it will?
Besides what good has worrying ever done for me? Has projecting the worst 2 months in advance ever made me happy or affected the outcome on things? NO! So why do I fucking well do it so naturally all the time! This time I'm going to really hand this one over to God, why? Because when I do it I tend to be in fear all day. It's worth a try because my way hasn't worked out too well for 41 years.
7 - Law of Attraction - You get back what you put out - If I project negative I'll get back negative. Re frame and re tune the thinking to believe in the possibility of excellence. It feels like I'm stapling my nuts to a table such is the pain of writing that, let alone telling myself it - but it stands to reason. If I believe good things will happen then some of it probably will. If I spent most of my life doing the opposite without any great success, maybe it's time to re frame that thinking. What have I got to lose?
8 - Action - 'God will give you the shovel but you have to dig'. Nuff said.
9 - Spiritual Connection - Something I have neglected over the years. I figured praying, meditating, sharing, reading spiritual books, personal development is not going to pay my bills, so why bother? it was all down to me right? So I concentrated on the physical. What happens if I have got it the wrong way round? What happens if my spiritual life and mind is more centred then the other stuff may follow? Christ I hadn't considered that. I prepared to suspend my belief system and be a little open minded about this. After all why would they write that splendid line, "For us material well-being always followed spiritual progress, it never proceeded". Wow - they wrote that out of personal experience. Why would I be any different.
Get the prayer and chanting mat, light the candles - I'll let you know if it worked tomorrow.
10 - Unconventional approach - If any of the above doesn't work and you still have fear, go for a long run and have a furious wank (not during, that will lead to arrest. Helps clear the decks)
PS - If you know of any work going give me a nudge, especially if it involves running and masturbation.
Together We Are Stronger
Nicholas Evans
Persepctive helps.
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