“It's the action, not the fruit of the action, that's important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there'll be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.”
Mahatma Gandhi
Mahatma Gandhi
How can we tell what effect our actions have on the world?
I like Gandhis' quote, particularly the 'You may never know what results come from your action'. Kind of goes against the grain of my Ego needing a reward after a good deed.
I'm not sure about you but there is a deep dark place within me that expects a reward for a good turn. How many times have I raised thousands for Charity in a marathon, helped someone out, gone out of my way to tend to a vulnerable person only to think, "Come on then God, sort me out for fucks sake, look at all the good I'm doing here."
It's laughable the ego can think this way. Like when it feels hard done by and resentful when God doesn't throw you a bone for being good and helpful. I remember Stephanie Tegg choosing Phillip Cottee over me at school. I was gutted and full of resentment thinking, "How could she choose that knob-head, he's a bad boy, I'm so good and better than him. Why do the nice guys not get the chicks'. Well the reason is, nice guys are dull and naughty boys are not. Plus he had a better leather jacket than me.
It's a waste of time believing or wishing that. A good deed should be done because you want too. Not because you feel you should or because you want a pay off. Then it's a selfish deed. Another subtle form of arrogance and pride. Except it's in reverse. Some call it people pleasing. Desperate to be accepted and to do good so that it makes you feel better. Another side of that is believing you deserve good because you ARE or DO good. Surely that is merely an expectation - like the one about Tegg. I was better than Cottee, so why didn't I get her. I deserve her more. Selfish
I marvel at some people's capacity to help without expecting anything in return. A genuine kindness of soul and spirit. We need those sorts in the world. The Pope is a great example. True humility in action. I have a lot of respect. And he was a decent footballer.
Of course I'm over that Tegg/Cottee axis now. That was years ago. It would be childish and small minded of me to hope she has 8 kids by 7 different men, 15 stone, living on Larchfield estate and soon to star in Benefits Street. I'm so pleased I'm not that sick.
It really would be just plain horrible of me to wish Cottee clinically obese, balding with impotence, that not even a large pack of Viagra and Jennifer Anniston squirting Stella Artois out of her gash would cure. I'm so pleased I'm in recovery and able to let go of the past.
Point I'm trying to make is that good deeds must be done selflessly otherwise are they really good deeds? Of course it's a good thing to help out another human being if it's for selfish reasons. We can't all be holier than thou can we?
But what affect can your deeds have on people? The wrong word or put down can have lasting affects . Months of kindness can be undone by a single nasty fit of temper. But these are all part of life. I know I've done my fair share of temper tantrums in the past. The actions can prove harmful to people's esteem, but when in selfish anger you never think of the affect you have on others.
Someone pointed out to me, if a man shouts at his woman, or is aggressive he is not thinking about her right? Well, if that guy was placed in a similar situation and had a guy 1ft taller shouting aggressively in his face wouldn't he feel a little intimidated? Of course, that throws a different spin on it right?
How about a positive affect? Asmile? How about some patience? We never really know the impact we can have on others. Many have dramatic effects without ever knowing.
The person who took me out for a coffee at my first meeting. The person who posted on Facebook they are running the marathon because they have Cancer, a sporting icon or just Mr Average who opened a door for you and smiled. We have no idea of the knock on affect of our behaviour.
Of course when we are lost in head, on our own in our daily boring routines, some of us think, 'how on earth can I affect anyone today?' 'I have nothing to give'.
Truth is we all have so much to give in so many ways. There are people who have affected me greatly and have no idea. Even if it's how NOT to be like.
I say this because I got two emails from people today who read my blog. One is struggling with ultra negative thinking or as they described it, 'my fucking head'. The other was from a bloke who cannot articulate what is happening to him other than parts of his life are going wrong and he doesn't know what to do about it.
I guess I'm lucky. I have a fellowship, 12 step programme and such a great resource to tap into. I'm used to being open. Nothing shocks me about human behaviour, so if this little daily blog can affect a positive influence in someone's life. Be it making them laugh or just thinking, 'fuck me thank god I'm not alone', or stimulate them to make a change of sorts then for me it's job done.
Obviously I'm not that humble or holy as I wouldn't have just written a long preamble to what is essentially a massive pat on my own back. Who knows what the results will be of my writing.
I'm not offering glib solutions here (yet) I'm throwing it open saying we're all in this together. We all have problems. We all have good times and bad. It's OK to be exactly where you are at the moment, even if Tegg/Cottee are married and living in Malibu as multi millionaires, I'm OK with that, though part of me would like them to get so obese they cannot leave their Malibu beachfront house, get Stairlifts to winch them out of bed, elasticated trousers,Velcro shoes and Diabetes Type 2 - No really, I am Ok with it. Honestly. I'm in recovery see.
We never know the affect we have on the world. I get tremendous inspiration not from the grandest things or the most famous or intense or 'successful'. I get inspiration from the angriest bastard trying meditation and it calming them down, from someone so fearful they cannot speak up only to hear them speaking up. From a criminal repenting their ways, from people trying to be better no matter how.
These are the things that affect me and I hear it every day from every day people. The ones who want to change are my heroes, not the ones who tell me how to do it. (Most of them don't do it themselves anyway)
My tip for the day - make one little change no matter how small and tell someone, show them and see how you can have an affect on the world. Oh and if you get a massive pay off from God immediately then I officially hate you, even more than The Tegg/Cottee Axis (but I'm so over that)
Together We Are Stronger
Nicholas Evans
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