How? You may ask. Well it's simple. Firstly I spent over an hour in Marks & Spencer checking out suits and jackets. I knew I had hit the crisis when I thought to myself, "There's some really nice stuff in here'. That's it. I'm officially middle aged, Not only that but I found myself trying on a blazer with brass buttons. Then as I finally had a word with myself and scurried out, I passed the rows of sensible corduroy slacks and thought, 'They would go well with tweed'. My life is officially over.
If that wasn't bad enough I went next door, thinking, "I'm always wearing navy or dark colours. I need to mix it up a little". So I entered Zara (sounds wrong doesn't it?) and there they were. A pair of strides. Blood red. Reduced in the sale. Bingo!! I tried them on, thinking, 'Yeah they look great", queued for ages, handed over £20 and walked out as a proud owner of an early mid life crisis. Red slacks. It's a giveaway.
I won't wear them of course. I knew that as soon as I bought them. You know when you buy something because it's reduced thinking, 'that's a bargain, I might wear those', knowing full well you won't and end up flogging them on EBay for £2.99 in a years time.
It's peculiar how some of us buy stuff when we really don't need it. I'm a sucker for a bargain. It feels good. Gives you a little buzz. Particularly when you buy something you don't usually. The idea is great. The concept even better. But ultimately you know your just fooling yourself.
If I do wear them it will be an interesting project in self consciousness. All I'll be thinking is, 'I'm wearing Red strides'. OK if you're in a musical in the West End, a Red Coat in Butlins or contestant on Strictly. But a 41 year old man in London? Not sure about that.
I just know people will be looking thinking, 'there goes another mid life crisis'. I'm that image conscious I'm already guessing everyone will be looking at me. Self obsession is so tiresome sometimes. As if anyone gives a shit.
On the other hand, I could be bold and go for it. Top it off with some deck shoes and a nice Mustard pringle V-Neck. Christ the possibilities of a true mid life crisis are endless. Embrace the 40's and go for it. A corduroy body warmer, an urban hoody and of course topped off with a Harley. The staple purchase for a true mid life crisis. There's nothing like roaring around London in a pair of corduroys and V-neck. Alan Titchmarsh look out. I'm coming to get you.
Fuck you Clarkson and your jacket and jeans. Piss off Cameron with your right hand parted hair. Fuck you Hammond with your leather coat, t-shirt and jeans, Evans is embracing this new found 40 year old crisis of fashion. It's V-Neck all the way for me now and the holy grail of mid life fashion...A Pair of Farah's. God help me I'll be looking like a Mini cab driver by the end of the week.
Having said that I could follow the Barry Gibb rules to mature fashion. Shell suit and shades. There's hope for me yet.
Together We Are Stronger
Nicholas Evans
(I'll post a pic of me in said Red Slacks in due time. I need a bit of courage first.....or tramadol)
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