"We missed the reality and beauty of the forest because we were diverted by the ugliness of some of the trees"
When you are prone to negative thinking and low self esteem, it's easy to think the worst. It's scary to be optimistic in case you 'jinx it'. Someone even said the phrase today, 'if you expect the worst then it can only get better'. Which if you think about it makes sense but man does it make you gloomy.
I get confused between having too high expectations so you get disappointed and having too low expectations, so you don't get disappointed, but then you tend to get what you expect. The worst. It's baffling.
I asked the question this morning. "Do consequences change your thinking or does thinking change your consequences?" Pretty philosophical at 8am I thought. Perhaps it was the full moon?
There is no really concrete answer, however there is plenty of research to suggest changing your attitude and thinking can affect your consequences. Like the law of attraction. You get back what you put out. If you put out negativity and 'can't do' attitude, well it's more than likely that is what you'll get back. Except I believe things are a little more complicated than such bumper sticker mentality.
Having said that if you land a belter of a job, top class philly or the Euro lottery, it's pretty certain you will get a boost and be happier (at least for a while anyway). Consequences of course can change your thinking.
Today I experienced both. Changing my thinking affected consequences and consequences changed my thinking. I woke up feeling rough. Man cold was lingering, candida strong, a big lump behind my ear, wrist hurt and back was sore. Oh god, can I go back to bed please?
Old thinking was hanging on to my coat tails. Big dark circles engulfed my eyes, tired, low energy and negative thinking apparent. Welcome back Mr Evans, we've been expecting you.
I went through my morning ritual on auto-pilot. It didn't seem to do the trick. I felt I was operating at 30%. Fear and worry seemed to be on me.
Today was a big day. I was scheduled to meet Mr Investor to find out if he is interested in coming on board with this little idea we've had. There is no revenue coming into this little Gaylord at the moment, so I was keen to get a deal done.
I drove in and spoke to an old friend, who's older, wiser and impressively changing his ways through an ever increasing connection to a higher spirit. I resisted the voice in my head saying, "Don't bother ringing him, you know what he'll say and he probably won't want to listen to your same negative crap inner voice", This time I called and had a great chat.
He read a passage from a spiritual book which really resonated as I laid out above, "We missed the reality and beauty of the forest because we were diverted by the ugliness of some of the trees". Holy shit. Bingo!!! That was me right there. Totally nailed. Too much concentrating on the negative. I can miss the good stuff. It helped change my thinking. I felt better.
I did the meeting, not feeling at my best but the outcome was good. A potential deal is on the table. This may happen. Several hoops to jump through yet but it was positive. Strangely I didn't feel up or good. I was still worried it may not happen.
I put some action in though, made some calls and emails to find out if we can get over a potential hurdle. I felt better after the action. I started to allow myself a sense of happiness inside at a job well done.
I went home and put more action in. More emails, More honesty and felt good. I had a long conversation with an old mate about how shit the England cricket team are and that felt good too. It's good to reconnect with friends.
I then got an email that I have been given a grant to do a 6 day recovery coaching course next week. I only applied 3 days ago. It should be £2k but seeing as I haven't got it, they gave me a grant place for free. I am one lucky boy. Maybe God hasn't been holding things back from me after all? I felt really good after that.
Wad this all just consequence or as a consequence of my actions? Well all I can say is that it wasn't happening last year when I didn't put the action in. This year I'm giving it a crack and already more is happening. Coincidence? Or Godincidence?
It's OK to celebrate. Not like in the old days of course when you would celebrate the sun coming out with 3 days on the piss. Or spunk loads of money before you actually have it. You do get more measured with age but also that awful 'don't jinx it' mentality can still lurk or "If I celebrate and share the good news it will all go to shit then i'll look a dick." can sometimes linger.
Fuck that shit. Fuck that shit big. It's OK to feel happy. It's OK to celebrate, maybe in a more insular quiet way.
Having said that I did need some kind of outside celebration to cut loose, A treat if you will. '3 grams of marching powder?' '18 beers?' 'Two Russian whores and MDMA?'
'Nah, a Saveloy and 2 battered sausages from The Codfather In Twickenham.
Dirty, disgusting, mechanically separated 'meat', that's full of saturated fat, eyeballs, ear holes and arseholes, deep fried, heart attack food. Lovely! Can't be too healthy can I? We'll save that for the type 2 diabetes.
Together We Are Stronger
Nicholas Evans
No comments:
Post a Comment