Day 120 - An AA State Funeral - Farewell Archie

Today I attended Belfast Archie's funeral. It was truly incredible. My words cannot do it justice. There were over 400 people. Mostly from AA. The whole service was full of his life, love and recovery. He was 50 years sober. It was a true celebration. Like an AA state funeral. A total classic.


I didn't know him very well, so I wouldn't dream of trying to sum him up, talk about him or claim overfamiliarity. That would be egoic. I attended as a member of AA, to pay respects. I had seen him in meetings over the years, he had always said a word or two in my ear and I had tremendous respect for his long term sobriety. I'm a fan of AA, it's history. It's traditions. I personally believe old timers should be afforded respect. I'd be a fool not to learn from them.


People like Archie are more important than they even know or would dare to think of themselves. He is one of the forefathers of AA in this country. He was part of the group who set the tone for us all to walk behind. He never gave it the big un of 'look how many years sober I am', he never gave it the 'wasn't like this in my day', as far as I can tell he never showed any form of ego. He just got on with it, year in year out.


He seemed to walk the path which shows all us babies in recovery that it can be done, that you can live a long term sober life and be truly happy and free.


That's not to place him on a pedestal. From all the readings today from his family, his son, sponsee's, people he had helped, the last place he would of wanted to be was placed above anyone.


But 50 years of recovery should be respected. Not just that but the people he helped along the way. Here was a man who valued AA, valued recovery, respected alcoholism and the tools as a recovery from it. He was steeped in it and it shone through today.


Firstly the amount of people who turned up to pay their respects. Nearly 500. Some were close friends, some knew him a long time and others like me  barely knew him other than from seeing in meetings. All wanted to pay respects for his life.


The church was packed. Stranding room only in the aisles. I think half of London AA turned up. The service was a belter. Kicked off by the reverend but then taken by a lady who proceeded to bind together his life, his story, people within it and invite a number of people up to share their memories of him and read poignant poems and prayers that meant so much to him.


His coffin, decked in flowers and inscribed with the words 'to thine own self be true' lay at the front for everyone to see. Flanked by his family and surrounded by friends it was a stark example of the power of recovery.


I know I keep harping on about it. But my father, an active alcoholic for 30 years died at the age of 65. There were 8 people at the funeral.


Archie, 50 years sober, died from a heart attack at the age of 77. There were 500. Incredible.


Children, wife, family, grandchildren, friends, AA members. The whole range of life was there in death. An extraordinary show of what it means to help so many people and be so active in many people's lives.


He probably had no idea how loved he was. He probably had no idea how many people he helped just by walking his path.


You think that people like Archie will go on forever because you always see him at the meetings. Year in year out, always helping newcomers, always sharing the solution. Always being rock solid. That helps more than he could ever know for people like me. Just by staying sober so long it helped me. It gave me solace and hope and a sense of ease and comfort.


That's not to say I liked everything he shared. I didn't. I remember getting resentments against him because he kept sharing about the solution and was so happy most of the time. Sometimes for miserable angry alcoholics like me, it's painful to hear recovery. My disease wants me miserable sometimes and the self centredness of alcoholism will think the person sharing the solution in the room is sharing directly at you and criticising you because you're not doing it.


Of course that wasn't him, that was my head and my madness but it goes to show you how sick it is sometimes. I'm only 12 years down the track. I have no idea what Archie was like at 12 years, but you can bet as sure as shit he was different at 5 months, to 5 years to 15 years to 50 years.


The readings were beautiful. Footsteps prayer, an Irish Blessing, the step 3 prayer and lots more besides. The stage had a screen full of photos of his life with his kids, grand kids, family, friends, at conventions, singing, living life.


There was song, laughter, tears and spirituality. At the end after the Rev said a prayer for him, everyone joined hands and did the serenity prayer. Powerful stuff.


It's easy for me to say this because I wasn't closely involved. When you are the sadness and grief is so raw and real and painful. I have been to many funerals where it is sullen, sombre and sad.


But today, of course was sad but I was struck by how upbeat it was. How many laughs there were. People seemed genuinely happy when remembering him. There was lots of smiles and laughs. it was touching and genuine.


There was one saying amongst the readings described by his sister in law. I loved it, she said (paraphrasing)


"If you want to know what kind of man you are. Think 20-30 years ahead when you're on your deathbed what kind of legacy you've left behind. How many did you love? Who loved you? How many people did you help?"


Surveying the send off today. Here was a man who genuinely cared. A man who loved and received love. Who helped so many. Who was thought of so highly. What better way can a man be remembered than that? Nice one Archie.


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I just want to share a quick example of alcoholism in my life today. 12 years In it showed why I'm a baby to this spiritual path. I have lots to learn and change yet.


I'm at a team meeting at work this morning. The boss ends the meeting with a general plea to the 15 people in the room to be respectful of your colleagues in the working environment and not be too loud and disruptive.


So what does the only alcoholic in the room do? He instantly feels that he's talking about me of course. That I am to blame. It's ridiculous. That's alcoholism for you. Self centred fear which runs at the heart of my soul. I didn't have to try to bring that to myself. I laughed at myself on the way out. The alcoholic mind is a powerful foe sometimes.


Then after getting into work this afternoon I was struck with enormous financial fear and insecurity. No matter that I'd been at a recovery funeral. No matter that I'd just observed what a life of recovery does.


Instead my 'rights', 'should's' and regrets moved in. I should have a house. I should have lots of savings. I should be here in my life. Not 2 months away from ruin. What if I lose my job? What then? and so the fear and panic started to take over.


Now I'm 12 years sober and know the drill. But sitting on my own trying to fight this evil force in my head is impossible sometimes. This is when for me a power than myself needs to kick in. Says it in step 2. "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity."


I know I wasn't living in now. I know I was starting to project. I know my mind was heading into a dark space. Insanity.


So I took myself off to a meeting. I wanted to hit the gym to work on my pecs but instead went to a meeting to work on my head. Good move. Suddenly the fear became manageable. Suddenly it became normal sized. Suddenly I was able to breath.


That's why I still go. That's why I suppose Archie went for 50 years. As without recovery. Without the tools, the meetings, the people, the hope, it's just me and my disease in my head. And if I listened to that devil for long enough I'd have to drink and quieten it. There would be no other way out. And if that went on too long there would be no 500 people at the funeral. There would be 8.


So Thank god for AA. Thank god for Archie and thank God I'm on the firm today. I'm a massive enough lunatic sober with all the tools at my disposal, let alone drunk.


We lost a foreman of the firm today. A true old timer with a lot of class, dignity and knowledge. It's not replaced but what it did show me today that I can learn the values and traditions of the fellowship and try to employ them in my own little way.


Sure I fall down. Yes I have a Long way to go. But I'm in with a chance and I wanted to thank you Archie and all the men/women who have trodden this path before. Without them I'd be truly buggered.


The final words I will leave to him. As his sponsee reminded us today. One of his favourite phrases.


Trust God
Clean House
Help Others


I'm pretty good at number 3, it's the other two I need to work on. Thanks Archie, send Elvis Presley our love


Together We Are Stronger


Nicholas E Evans