I was kicking around for a blog topic today when I met a girl in a spin class. Without knowing it, she kindly gave me the topic.
I woke up with the black dog on me. Fear and Negative thoughts prominent. Even going to my early morning meeting didn't shift it.
But one thing stood out. Someone shared about when they were going through a bad time, yet they pretended they were fine and kept it in. It wasn't until the pain got too much they opened up and shared their inner truth which helped change momentum. Obviously you have to put action in and do certain things after to help change mood/direction. But it was the initial splurge of the inner demons and the raw inner truth that helped him. I really connected with that. It's what I passionately believe in.
We live in a world where image is everything. Lives are displayed via filtered images on social media. The pressure for many to be fit, happy, successful or motivated is relentless. Some can't cope with this intolerable social pressure. We see so many mental health issues, young girls with social pressure to be thin, eating disorders, debt, depression, alcohol and drug dependency. Yet many find it hard to speak out. Where do you go with these issues? Are we really further advanced than before?
And what about the low level unhappiness? Not the headline mental health disorders but people who just become more grumpy, road rage, turn to bad food, fractured relationships, unhappy jobs. Slowly it unravels and creates a huge impact on our lives and those around us.
Me? I'm a sharer. I'm lucky. I go to a 12 step fellowship where I can share my truth daily. I am blessed with the gift (and curse) to express exactly how I feel whether it be sad, unhappy, angry, hard on my self, less than or more than. Whatever it is, I share it. Yes I have to seek a solution and action to change it but utimately I cannot keep it in. That was the shit I drank on. All the pressure and negative thinking being stored up with nowhere to go until the pressure got too much and I had to drink like a maniac. These days the pressure still builds but I let it out appropriately.(Mostly)
Yes exercise, good food, constructive action such as meditation and prayer is good for our soul and mental health. But sometimes a good old expletive laden rant or tear up is just so freeing.! Let it out folks it can save your life. Seriously.
In an age when it's fashionable to use scientific or 'therapy based' terms, a good old fashioned rant up can purge the soul and allow space for other stuff to come in. It really works.
I've seen people who cannot share their deep truth develop serious illness. I believe it rots the inner self when you cannot let it out. It can lead to serious things but also subtle things like passive aggressive behaviour. Either way it's difficult to be around or connect with a person clearly lost in the turmoil of self or their life.
We all have it. Life is like that. Things like work, money, finance, romance, status, family, health and happiness can all creep up and overwhelm us. A crap boss, a bad relationship or fear of the future can all have an effect.
Have you ever asked someone of they're Ok and hear 'I'm fine'. End of conversation. Just as their jaw is twitching. Supressed anger and worry flowing out of them, but of course, they're fine!!!
Fuck that. Let the inner truth out!!!! Let rip people it will help!!
Anyway, I left the meeting and went to a spin class. A brutal 80 minute sweat fest which I loved. It felt great to be back after weeks of illness (I still struggled to breath but fuck it I felt good)
I saw a girl I know and after class she had a pained expression on her face.
'What's up?' I asked
"I hated that" She winced
"Why my lovely?"
"I'm tired and stressed and I just hated it"
"Did you have a grump and strop in the middle of it? I enquired"
"Yes, I just wanted to cry and leave."
"I just swear at the instructor when I feel like that. They know me now and if i'm having a bad day it comes out in a massive strop. What's going on?"
"I'm busy, I have to study and work and do loads of exams. I have stuff to do now."
"Are you sleeping?"
"NO"
"Are you eating well?"
"No"
"What is work like?"
"My boss is a wanker, I have to 12 hour days and I have exams in 2 weeks. I'm so worried."
"Best to let it out girl. Give it to me."
"What?"
"Your raw inner truth. Give it to me straight. No filter. Fucking share it."
"I hate my boss, I hate my fucking job at the moment. I don't know why I have to do these stupid fucking poxy exams just to keep my job. It's fucking stupid. I hated the class. It was too hard and I usually love it. I even hated cycling here. It's usually the thing I love and I hate it. I feel terrible.
"Good girl. More."
"I hated the cycling over here. It's the wind.
"Oh that fucking wind. I bet it was in your face all the time wasn't it?
"Yes"
"And the fucking traffic. Bastards in your way."
"Yes, how did you know?"
"Because I feel like that sometimes. It's Ok it's just everything piling up on you."
"It is"
"let's do a game"
What?"
"Do a chant together?"
"How"
"well say with me a sentence"
"OK"
"fucking cunts. Fucking fuck fuck fuckity wankers, fucking twats."
"again"
so we said it three times. We looked at each other, burst out laughing and it was burst. The pressure bubble had burst.
"Go home. Call someone you trust and love. Ask them to give you the floor for 5 minutes and just rant. It's not how you really feel just empty the bile. Cook something and give yourself an hour", I said.
"OK I will, thanks Nick"
And with that I gave her a huge TNE hug and she left. Looking lighter, happier, easier and better than the demoralised, pained, contracted girl I saw after class.
She had unloaded. I understood. it comes out in many ways. But it was good for her to share before getting on her bike. Imagine her head on the way home without sharing? Messy.
So that is my topic. Yes there is much work beyond that. Sharing doesn't change all those situations but you never know, it may end up saving your life. I guarantee one thing though, you will look back and laugh at yourself if you do that. Not doing it will mean you continue to be locked in self and in a bad mood. I should know I've experienced it enough times.
A problem shared is a problem halved. Funny you won't hear that in a £10k a week treatment centre but it's true. Just not fashionable.
If you're sitting on a burning resentment, a deep secret easting you away, you're worried, frustrated or have mounting life pressure. Do me a favour find someone you trust and unload. Spare them the 2 hour version. Vent and move on. If it persists keep doing it with an appropriate person (me, therapist, coach, counsellor, sponsor, 12 step meeting, friend, support group) and it will lift. Of that I promise.
Hang tight crew and have a groovy weekend
Love you all
TNE
xx
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