I took that on board. Here was my prep;
Leave course. Take 2 hours to drive to girlfriend's. Smoke 4 Silk Cut, 2 diet cokes (I've relapsed) Have a quick cup of tea and download. Back in car, AA home group in Richmond. 3 Silk Cut.
Stop for Pork Scratchings and KP Nuts. 2 more Silk Cuts. Go to meeting. 4 cups of tea, 4 digestive biscuits, 3 Oreols, 2 Tunnocks Tea cakes. Drive home. Stop on way for Battered Sausage and Saveloy. Get home. Eat said nutritious battered sausage. Get munchies. Go to shop. But Cereal, milk, biscuits and chocolate. Eat said nutritious shit. Write blog. 4 cups of tea, 4 silk cut. Watch shit TV. Go to bed 1.40am. Lay in bed thinking about course and new job offer. Sleep at 3am. Alarm set for 7.
Not the best preparation for a Recovery Coaching Course is it? I didn't quite follow their advice.
I woke up knackered however nothing that 3 cups of tea and a good meditation wouldn't sort. I had a good one this morning. I struggle at my girlfriend's to meditate as I like to do it in my favourite chair, in-front of my candles in my routine and environment. It's Like a ritual for me.
I packed my packed lunch, apple, clean pants and vest, gym kit, plimsolls (Green flash) and satchel and left in plenty of time. Guess what? I got there late again. 2 days running. Fuck me, surely I should be able to get the basics right. Luckily a few others were late too which masked my unmanageability. To be fair though they were getting a train from 160 miles away at 5am. I was coming form Surrey. No Excuses.
I went in determined to change my attitude from yesterday about one member of the group who annoyed me. The know it all. I wanted to give him a chance and not judge. I knew it was for me to change my attitude not change his to suit mine. A Big difference.
Strangely (Or a Godincidence) I walked into class with him. We talked and I asked how he was. He said, "I was disappointed in myself for saying too much yesterday and taking the role of the teacher. I am going to try and listen today." - Holy fuck juice. Talk about things happening better when I shut my mouth and allow them too. Remarkable.
I knew that I would have a good day if I got out of my own way and out of my ego/mind. It's hard (they call it level 1 thinking when you are in your own head) It's one of my greatest challenges.
Who the fuck am I to morally judge? I'm a loud mouth. A know It all. I have passion and have dominated conversation before. I caught sight of myself in the refection on the glass. I do not have a physical impairment. What the fuck have I got to worry about. I got perspective.
The course really challenged my core belief system in the morning. All about listening, how I view humans, recovery etc. I felt good though in early after chatting it through with the tutors. It's early days yet.
I went to a tip top tea shop opposite the university at lunchtime for an old school cup of tea. Quiet time and relaxation. Well needed when the course is so full on. It reminded me of a Welsh Cup of Tea, with cup and saucer, teapot and small milk. The only thing missing really was a Blue Ribband and 456 sandwiches with the crusts kneaded down.......The Great British Cup Of Tea. Where All Good Recovery takes place.
The afternoon was a roller coaster ride. I started off full of hope and within 1 hour of a visualisation exercise I wanted to walk out. "I can't do it." "I'm shit". An immediate toys out of the pram moment because I found something hard. Assuming all the other group members could do something I couldn't.
My head went for an hour. Another interesting observation to my Ego, reaction and inner belief system. A tea break and two furiously smoked Silk Cuts soon got me back on track. Loving the smokers in the group. Discussing Recovery techniques whilst slowly killing ourselves. The irony wasn't lost on me.
The last bit of the day really fired me up. I think I found 'my thing'. What I'm most interested in. We discussed the whole recovery process in society. What the problems are and the systems in place that aren't really working and the place for Recovery process with individuals, systems, companies.
Do you have any idea how much is spent a year on 'the problem'? When people have to go to court, prison, A&E, hospital, doctors? How much is spent on trying to treat addiction ,obesity, diabetes, alcoholism, alcohol misuse? £500 billion. What about trying to head off some of those at the pass? What about prevention through coaching, education, pre problem recovery? When people don't have to hit 'rock bottom'. This is a space I'm interested in from all
How much is lost in business from poor performance. How many families are fragmented? How many people's lives are severely affected even with depression, unhappiness, low income because they accept living in the problem because they don't know or see themselves as severe problem cases? This is the space I'm interested in.
Education. Awareness. Making our problems know, acceptable so we can do something about them. Is it not better to spend £5,000 on an individual putting in prevention techniques rather than waiting for them to get severe and end up costing the NHS £50,000? Insane idea isn't it?
The systems are wrong. It waits for a rock bottom until some solutions are offered. Even then the solutions aren't enough.
In essence this is the kind of thing I've been writing about for 2 years. I want to make defects acceptable. To highlight them, laugh at them, make them as much a part of us as the colour of our eyes. The only thing I have never had is a framework to provide a solution. I feel that Recovery Coaching can offer this to me. Maybe in one year or 5 years. It feels good to have some hope for the future. I really liked it.
Oh and what did I visualize in the exercise? me, standing on a huge book, in a stadium with people there to connect and listen to me speak. Ego maniac? Arrogance? Maybe. But where I'd love to spread the message when ready, none the less.
Oh my god my Great Grandfather, Idwell Issaac Evans, The Welsh Preacher would be so proud.
PS - Angela Eagling wasn't in today so I didn't get any tongues behind the bike shed, however I did duff Rolland up for his dinner money, though if course I don't condone bullying kids. Roll on Day 3!!!
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