Day 29 - Monday 30th January

Day 29 - Monday 30th January

Mileage 0 - 4 Injury

OK cards on the table people and time for brutal honesty - if I'm serious about this training programme and blog changing my attitude, my habits then today is a crucial.

Firstly - Monday bloody Monday. Today was One of those days when all my planets were aligned with a bucket of poo. Low energy, feeling blue and if I'm honest thank god I'm injured as i would really struggle to run today. Candida is poisoning me and causing me terrible problems. It makes me so fucking gloomy and ill.

So what is it? and why am i so affected by it? Candida is basically a build up of bad bacteria that when severe gets into your bloodstream is disabling. I've bored you shit less with the symptoms before, but today i am polluted and totally dog tired.

head is fuzzy, low concentration and feel like I'm going through the motions, viewing the world through a window. So tired, all i want to do is get home, shut the door and lay down. Not exactly marathon man training god is it?

So why is it so bad all the time? Well this is going to shock you but it's my fault. Totally my fault. Why? I'm addicted to diet coke, stimulants, sugar, caffeine. This all feeds the candida and leaves me chasing circles. Why don't i just stop it? Just give up? It's not that hard surely?

Well maybe not but I've been living off this as 80% of my diet for the past 10 years. Since i quit drinking. I live my life on stimulants. I know it's terrible for me, i know it's so bad but I've been compulsively doing this stuff for so long it's second nature and in my head all the time.

Meal replacements, habit, busy head, addicted, call it what you want. Fact is, there is hardly a day in the past few years where i haven't stuffed 4 bottles of diet coke, 10 cups of tea with sweetener, 4 packs of chewing gum and 25 cigs down my neck. Jesus even writing that is embarrassing.

I look like i have the body of a god sometimes, ripped, fit, muscly. Most people would think healthy, but underneath the bonnet it's not healthy. How can it be if i put that shit in my body? What is the use of having a good outside if the inside is carnage? Maybe it's time to even these things up.

If training is part mileage and discipline and physically hard work. How much is nutrition. This surely plays as much a part as anything else. Would you put shit into a Ferrari? (Not saying I'm a classic car but you get my drift) - So why do i do it to myself?

Bloody good question? Reason? I'm a sodding addict. It can be anything. food, drink, sex, DVDs, ice cream, music, porn. You give me something and I'll OD on it until i can take no more. I like excess. My head just says 'More, More, More' Despite it doing me no good. And that is the addicts peculiar way. There is no logic. No rhyme or reason. No explanation. Until you have enough.

Self destruction? maybe - there's certainly a massive part of that in me. I don't seem to have that logical button that says 'enough'. I will take stuff until it claps me out and i think I've reached that point today.

So, i have decided. Enough. It;s time to stop the sugar, caffeine, massive diet coke, endless cups of tea, sweeteners, sugar binges.

From today i am quitting. Oh Jesus it;s going to be messy. I am reliant and so used to it. shit - I'm going to have to change. And i f****g hate change. It involves doing something. I think the cold turkey is going to be savage. I'm going to have to keep smoking through it though. If i stop that i reckon there maybe a spree killing on two. One thing at a time.

But that is what I'm going to have to do. If I'm going to spout on about positive action i have to do it. If i want to run a decent marathon i need to make myself physically better to put in the effort.

If I'm going to train people. i can't be a fraud.

Hold tight people it could get messy. I have a temper. I am an addict and I'm about to have something taken away from me that i crave and want. Now, where are those toys, i need to collect them as I'm sure they'll be thrown out of my pram at some stage soon

wish me luck people, it needs to be done

NE

Day 28 - Sunday 29th January

Long One 0 - 3 Injury

Yep you've guest it troops. I should be out staggering around South West London chalking up the mileage on the 'long one' , instead i have succumbed to the 2 week rest order. I'm Secretly delighted of course, it's like a freedom pass to laziness. But deep down I'd rather be out there pounding the streets. Especially as it is crystal clear sunny today, my favourite time to run.

Never mind, it allowed me to have a pretty chilled and normal day. Started at the Circle Of pain meeting at Flood Street this morning, and try as i might not to, i actually enjoyed it. Then i had great little 3 hours In Starbucks with various people on the kings Road.

I found the secret of eternal happiness in that coffee shop. "What is this?" i hear everyone ask. Please tell me. People have spent and earned millions searching for or extolling this secret. I'll give it you for free.

It's a small dog, a cute little hound. a gay looking mutt. One of the women who came in with her family sat down and handed this little white ball of fluff to me to hold for an hour or so. I was mortified. What about my image? My street cred? This is a gay looking dog. i was embarrassed.

Yet an hour later i was in love. Not only was this a cute looking thing. Most importantly i got 8 looks and 5 'ahhhhhhhhs' and 3 actual girls coming up to me to speak to me about the dog in an hour. Wow that is amazing stats. If i sat in Starbucks for 1 hour with a paper and my best, 'I'm single, I'm available and i fuck like a jackhammer look' you get nothing. Not one look, Not a peep. I could sit their naked with a rolled up £50 note around my chappy and no-one would hardly pass a glance in that snooty place.

But Add a cute little dog in the mix and it's 'hello baby'. A total magnet. I can't believe I've never been down this route before. I mean i dabbled a little when i took my niece out to the park when she was a baby and got the odd admiring glance from a lady. But i was younger then, it was 20 years ago, i was inexperienced. i didn't know what i was doing. I hadn't even got near to my undiscovered addiction to women

However Now that i am a fully formed shallow man, I've struck gold. I immediately negotiated a rental agreement for the dog on a 3 hour basis. I think the best time is Saturday afternoon, 12pm - 3pm,  all the women are out shopping, the men are at football, so not only will they see me with a cute little dog, they will subliminally be saying to themselves, 'he's not into football as it's 3pm on a Saturday, he'll be sensitive, he'll understand me, he'll be unselfish and won't leave the seat up, and hes got a cute dog, aaaahhhhhhhhhh". I will clean up. My god what a break through!

Sorry i totally got off the training plan there. Oh yes, after this Eureka moment,  i went to the gym, smashed a load of weights up, massaged my ass with 'the grid' and did some Bikram yoga.

I Wrote 1 good joke and 6 crap ones, read the paper, wrote this blog. Simples

Today has been relaxed and it's important to do that in any training plan to take your mind and body away from what you are focusing on. If you keep up the focus all the time i think you become too serious. It's good to relax. I struggle but today i think i managed to do that. It helps to have good company and a bit of 'me' time too.

So That's week 4 done with. The end of the 4th weekend. It's still January as it's the longest month ever with 5 Monday's. Five of them! i feel great I've kept the blog up and it's definately helping me, in terms of discipline and self esteem. So thanks for following and although there will be no running this week I'm definately after a 6 pack in the gym and to stretch those muscles to prepare me for my return of the runs.

Have a great week you lovely thing you

NE
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Day 27 - Saturday 28th January

Mileage 0 - 2 Tendonitis

Late to bed last night and was woken at 5am by the sudden urge to shit myself. (I made it to the appropriate throne) Couldn't get back to sleep, so looks like it's a 4 hour sleep day today. That has to be the worst opening sentence to a blog ever. Grim and apologies.

Physio came over at 7.30am, Kiwi Tom. Nice guy even if he does go on a bit. Still he knows his onions though which is always helpful when someone is yanking your body.

Professional opinion? It is tendonitis, it is treatable and i will not need amputation. Basically my glutes, hip flexors, hips, calves, ITB's, hamstrings, quads and lower back are tighter than the Scottish Parliament. This caused the left hip to tighten, which when repetitively run in every day on trainers that were older than my Nan, caused the bio mechanics in my body to change, thus buggering up the shin and ankle.

2 weeks total rest (apart from weights and yoga) and running within 2 - 3 weeks. I'm happy with that.It will give me 8 weeks solid training to marathon day. Not ideal and the 3 hour 30 min goal will be tight but it's a timescale and a plan i can work towards

He spent 40 minutes pressing his elbow into my hips, glutes and arse. Fuck me it was painful. I was screaming in pain. When i have a really deep massage or treatment on the tight points of my body i tend to develop tourettes syndrome. Man i swear lots and often.

Then he stripped the swollen shin, further agony and when he pressed elbows into the hamstrings and quads it was at that point i developed a new language. Christ, my pain threshold is low, i have no idea how women give birth. Respect.

After 1hour 30 Min's i wasn't cured. He said for my tight hips etc i would need about 7,000 sessions but 3 will have to do. I was given rehab exercises to do and will follow them, religiously when i can be arsed (every day really)

I spent rest of day stiff and with the sorest arse since Graham Norton, Louis Spence and Boy George had a 'lads night out'. Still no matter as long as it heals and helps.

Moved flat and went to Gym. Bang into my pull ups and using my own body weight again. Worked out whilst LFC beat Manchester United on TV which was Nice, but to counteract it England lost heavily in the cricket collapsing quicker than 911. Embarrassing.

It's 5 pm now, I'm knackered, I'm off to a meeting shortly and then a long kip. I am going to have to be totally boring tonight. Even the inspiration to write 5 jokes has deserted me. Running on empty, so it looks like meeting, movie and Mogadon for me tonight. Christ even my 65 year old mother has more of a social life than me at the moment. Sort it out Evans.

All in all more hopeful, less gloomy, i can see the schedule and will devise a training plan this week for next 11 weeks. As they say it really does help to have a plan. Never had one before in life, career, training. lets see if it will help

toodle for now

NE
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Day 26 - Friday 27th January

Mileage 0 - 1 Tendonitis

Today the injury won again, steeling myself for long lay off as it appears to be getting worse. Pain shooting up the shin today and unable to raise my foot. Iced it on and off all day but it doesn't appear to be doing much. Looking forward to physio appointment tomorrow morning. I can anticipate the pain of stripping it down, I'm almost clenching as i write.

Head was pretty gloomy all day. Felt a bit sorry for myself and frustrated. Obviously by the injury as it's worse than i imagined, but also for my possible stupidity of almost bringing it on myself.

Made me think of the Definition of insanity? Doing the same thing and expecting different results. Maybe if i didn't believe in a higher power, this is a sign that it is doing for me what i couldn't do for myself. Make me injured and think about why and put steps in to get better, repair, heal and then do things differently to ensure it doesn't happen again. That will be the test of this marathon Training programme. And pretty much works on the same basis for every other area of my life!

Learn to listen and listen to learn Nicholas.

Decided against a nonspiritual evening of avoidance and tucking into one of my litany of bad habits, and settled instead for a meeting of AA, writing Comedy homework for what makes me happy (My god where do you start? I settled on eating Hagen Dazs whilst smoking silk cut, watching adult movies in the company of some interestingly dressed girlie's counting piles of £50 notes. I like to keep things simple, humble and non self seeking) and then i hit the gym for 1st time in 3 weeks.

I stretched, did loads of pull ups, push ups, leg raises. shoulder, back and core weight exercises in 45 minutes. It felt good and reminded me how much i liked it.

I like being in shape. I like looking good. It makes me feel better about myself and sometimes i forget to apply what i teach and train people on myself. I have changed my body shape totally over the past few years. After spending so long slightly fat and with man tits, it has made me feel good to have biceps, defined body and an occasional 6 pack. So much so that i only ever really wear skin tight clothes now. I seem to be aging in reverse, as i was a lardy little twat when i was younger and now i look like an extra from Saturday Night Fever.

I also actually enjoy working out. It Helps me forget my head, It's Almost meditative. I think of nothing much and is a good switch off from busy life (and head). In addition i like getting stronger and it will help with the core strength for the marathon and with stretching on the Grid and Bikram yoga that is clearly the way forward for me whilst injured.

So as i write this at 11pm, i feel better. More hopeful. Less sorry for myself. I again saw the dude with one leg running on Kings Road, twice in a week, so really what have i got to feel sorry for myself about.

That is my natural inclination of my head. And over period of the day and putting in a few simple actions it feels better and different from before. Remarkable really that feelings and thoughts pass. They change. It;s just that i never believe they will!!

So it is possible to change. It is possible to write this training blog even if i can't run. I can find other things to train on whilst repairing the injury. Quite possibly the biggest thing is my head and attitude.

So my lovely readers, the end of the working week. Moving house this weekend, catch up with family, get some treatment for head and body, do some Gym and Yoga and try to keep up the writing. Not exactly rock and roll but i like it

Have a great one people, mucho love

NE
xx

Day 25 - Thursday 26th January

Mileage - Are you taking the piss? Conditions -gloomy; Time - eternal; Weekly mileage - are you taking the piss again?

Ok people, here's the chat. Injury worse today and throbs harder than King Dong on viagra. Movement is restricted and i'm now walking like Inspector Morse, after he died. Icing it and did my 20 mins on the Grid roller. My god it still hurts like buggery. Strangely after writing my blog yesterday about Fatima Whitbread massaging me, i saw a picture of her in the paper at the National TV awards. She looked pretty good actually. Her and Tessa Jowell are really shaping up nicely.

Anyway i digress, physio booked on Saturday and hopefully bit of Osteo on Sunday should get the ball rolling. Apparently hard massage on the inflammed tendon will help to shift it. It's going to be more painful than childbirth i reckon, so i'm looking into shipping in some Nitrate Oxide to get me through. (I am a real pussy for pain and shout and swear at the mearest hint of sports massage)

Today was spent at a work conference. I Thought it was going to be dull and boring, and my head was set appropritely negative. Mainly concentrating on how ill, how run down through candida i was, how much my leg hurt and how i couldn't seem to think of 5 tip top jokes on the tube. I was raring to go!

Despite my head, it was superb. Some great speakers, particulary a batty guy discussing how the nation is getting much older, birth rates are decreasing and how the economy will be truly fuked in a few years time as oldies like me retire and expect the pay out. There will be nothing to pay out with. Shit, i'm fuked then! It was interesting and funny and i was deeply impressed

Second up was a remarkable man, Entrepreneur, Luke Johnson. Founder of Pizza Express, Strada, Belgos, Owner of patisserie Valerie and fomer Head of Channel 4. Massive net worth and extremely unassuming. He had no ego and was deeply fascinating talking about his 'defeats', his bad investments. Not about his successes, but about what he learnt from making mistakes.

He was rivetting and inspirational. He basically said in a nutshell, that most successful people are driven to succeed in the project. That the fun and enjoyment is in the journey and that money is by product of success. It was about what the Japanes call (something i can't remember, dam) meaning - small improvements every day.

It was similar to the system British Cycling employ, of small improvements every day to get the final component (success) in place. That the end product should take care of itself (gods will?) as long as you put the effort and ground work in on the journey.

I liked that, it made sense. That kind of thing inspires more than those toss awful motivational speakers talking about boosting your ego and thinking your the best.

Luke highlighted the rock solid belief in whatever you're doing is secret to any project, perserverence, hard work, dedication and being open to change or learn new things. He was humble, open and interesting.

I write this now feeling inspired by what he said. It is 11pm and despite my desire for a new way of thinking, of action, of the ultra motivating and inspiring speaker, i really have a soft spot for Homes Under The Hammer and it's on Discovery TV + 1. I don't know why but i find it incredibly soothing and i like to watch it to see which music they play. Last month it was Hendrix, then Kasabian, then the Police. It was the most imapproriate use of a rock song, whilst showing images of a run down cottage in Rochdale some dullard had bought for £30k. I'm hooked.

So unfortunately Mr Motivator, Homes Under the Hammer won tonight. Maybe thats why i'm not captain of industry or a world class comedian. I have to face the fact when the push comes to the shove and i get a chance to seize the moment, i'd much rather do it tomorrow.

It's a long line of DNA genetic bone ildleness in the male side of my family, from my Grandfather, father and eldest brother. We are all effectively lazy sods.

I'm not sure if this would have gone down so well today at the Conference full of achievers if i had been the speaker.

I love you if you read this blog.

Nick, seize the day....Tomorrow

NE
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Day 24th - Weds 25th January

Injured. No running - Mileage 0

Not a great day if I'm honest. Physically poor, tired, lethargic and well 'Candida' up. Struggle to get through the day. Low tolerance, zero concentration and dog tired. The hangover feel is back.

The buzz from Dubai and the running adventure is ancient history today and the head/attitude is back to where i left it before Christmas. Let's hope a good kip will bring it back.

Reading about marathon training and tendinitis and i feel more of an idiot before. Almost like i did beginner style training by running fuck loads of miles unprepared. I guess i was so influenced by the book i forgot about my body and equipment.

The 'experts' seem to suggest 2 weights sessions a week(haven't done any for weeks - i was doing tons of pull ups, push ups and cable weights before), fartleck, speed and hill sessions, along with right equipment, fuel and nutrition. None of that i do. i seem to get a buzz from clocking up the mileage and getting that 'nirvana' moment after 20-40 Min's of running.

Still, never a good time to beat yourself up when you're tired and down. Best to leave to one side and move on.

Did 20 minutes on 'the grid' which was still agony (even more as i know whats coming) and still felt like i was being pummeled by Fatima Whitbread's fist. Insert punchline here.

I was also recommended to go and see a Thai massage place in Earls Court. £50 per hour but not sure how much 'extras' are. Maybe i will find out over the weekend.

That's it really today - pretty dull. My mind was elsewhere. So much so that i ended up in Bethnal Green to do my weekly comedy writing course. Great if you wanted to go to Bethnal Green (home of The Krays) but terrible for my writing course as it was miles away in Kentish Town. My night was more Kuntish Town and i missed the whole course.

Couldn't wait to get home (can't face packing as I'm moving house at weekend), shut the door on the world and block everything out.

One of those days when all you can say. Get it over with and come back stronger tomorrow.

You can tell I'm off as today there were no jokes. Not even a smirk, you know you're in trouble when you take yourself so dam seriously. Maybe that should be my goal for tomorrow? Lighten up and keep it healthy

GGGRRRR

NE
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Day 23 - Tuesday 24th January - Change!

Mileage - 0 - Injured - Tendonitis - No running for minimum 1 week, possibly 3.

Change, Change, Change but not necessarily in that order

Today I should be gutted, devastated and really f***ed off. I am lame. I am a 'non runner'. I am sick note. I am Darren Anderton. I am injured.

The tendinitis in the lower left shin is bad. I'm limping around like Heather Mills with woodworm. Every time i move my ankle it squeaks. The tendons are sore and inflamed. In technical terms, I've buggered it.

Physio on Friday, but i fear the worst. I am bracing myself for the news to take a 3 week break from running, though secretly i am hoping for 7-10 days.

I must ice, rest, stretch, massage and pray it heals. Oh yes, and i must not wear 5 year old knackered cowboy boots without any heels or Run 50 miles a week for a while, and certainly not in cowboy boots.

So why change as my theme of today?

I went to see my pal Hamish at Profeet - www.profeet.co.uk - They have a running lab and hook you up to computers and shit, film you running and create special inserts and the right kind of trainers to assist with bio-mechanics in how you run.

In essence, my trainers were 2 years over their sell by date. You are supposed to change them after 500 miles otherwise they lose their shock absorption. I reckon i had done close to 1500 miles in mine. My inserts were 18 months past their sell by date. I was effectively running in clogs. If you add the fact i have been doing 50 miles a week for nearly a month, and minimally stretching, my muscles were basically saying to me - "Oi, what the hell are you doing to us you stubborn twat. Right if you're not going to change then we'll show you, lets strain this tendon and maybe he will take notice".

I was embarrassed turning up with those, and to rub it in i was wearing my favourite cowboy boots which have worn down to a stump, offering zero support.

They prodded my calves, ITB bands and hamstrings which are more tightly wound up than a dry drunk, and shook their head. "What the hell have you been doing?" was the question. I had no answer. I was told that i need to lengthen my muscles, that years of doing endurance sports without due stretching and care has made them shorter than a midgets cock.

I was shamed. It made sense. What i have been doing is doing things my own way, smashing myself, pushing myself without all the correct equipment, advice. Going alone until i crashed and burned, causing myself pain. Then when i reach bottom, i have to ask for help and look at other ways than my own. Do things with advice and properly and then maybe it will be easier. Addicts will identify (as will most men who pride themselves on not following the instructions)

So that is why i think this is a good thing. This is a lesson to be learned. To tailor my approach and change. Lets be honest who the fuck wants to stretch? It's duller than Paul Merton on Valium. All i want to do after a run, is bugger all. Stretching requires patience, tolerance, diligence and discipline. Yuk to all of those.

But not doing it makes my body break. So the next 1-3 weeks is clearly a chance for me to apply the same mental discipline i was putting to running. In order to stretch out my body and make it better prepared for real training. I want to totally beast myself when back training but in a smart controlled regimented way. Getting my body straight will help this.

I was told to get an orange foam cylinder called 'The Grid' - www.foamroller.org.uk - It;s amazing, as you put your body weight on it and roll it out on stress points of your body. Calves, Hips, Hamstrings, Quads, Glutes, Lower and upper back, ITB's and Lats.

I had no idea. Jesus Christ, I did it tonight and it was total agony but amazing. A little Like getting a brutal sports massage from Fatima Whitbread but without the hand job) My god when i rolled out the glutes and hips it felt like i was being shagged by Linford. I was screaming on my own, in my flat. Nothing the neighbours aren't used to though. wink.

So that is clearly my challenge every day. Dedicate 30 minutes to brutalise myself, it will make a Nice change from the usual sort. But it's an opportunity to fix my body and get me better prepared than ever before to resume training. See i told you i have done all those marathons and Ironmans on my will and terms. Despite myself and my body.

It feels right to do this, as long as i can control my urge to bugger off to the gym or yoga at any spare moment. It;s going to require a change in attitude, but that's what this is all about right?

Talking is easy. I've just got to actually do it now. Thats the hard bit.

Until tomorrow followers. I believe that I'm up to 8 now. If i try and add a new one a week I'll be at the dizzy heights of 20 by marathon day. Now that's a goal to aim for!

PS - If you can't post comments on this blog because Google want to own you, feel free to post on my Facebook page. Feedback is good and will help me know if more than 8 of you are following it?

Until Tomorrow

Nicholas Edward
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Day 22 - Monday 23rd January

Day 22 - Monday 23rd January

Mileage - 0 - Injured!!!

Oh no, the dreaded injury has struck. Turns out the Achilles and left hip are bugger all, the real killer has been tendinitis in lower left shin, just above the ankle. Or another term repetitive strain injury, which is like describing my bloody head sometimes!

Very sore, build up of gristle and creaks when you touch it, a bit like an OAP's cock i suppose.

It means i cannot run for at least 4-5 days, maybe more depending on what physio says tomorrow. Ice, rest, yoga and cross train for this little berk. (cross training is to work different body parts in one training session, not go for a run dressed as a tranny)

I suppose it was inevitable. I have run nearly 210 miles since Christmas, my trainers are battered old and the inserts i have fitted are maybe past their sell by date. Added to the fact that when i run i flick my feet out before they land, so my legs are constantly trying to correct themselves.

It happened years ago in my 1st marathon, so i have booked myself in at Profeet - www.profeet.co.uk - to get new trainers and an MOT on the inserts. They are solid down there and will get me sorted. Hamish and the boys are most excellent and i can highly recommend

I'm not too disappointed as i have done tons of mileage. The rest will allow me to take stock, get my injury healed, get better equipment and then plan a smarter training programme up to marathon day. It will enable me to do more Bikram sessions too, so i can stretch.

It's almost like i wanted to break myself, to start again in a planned and programmed way. Self destructive streak anyone?

That's it really, i could go on for more sentences about injury prevention, do things properly, but that wouldn't be me really would it? I have to do things my way, usually the wrong way, cause myself pain, before taking on a new way - I'm sure my fellowship friends will identify with that process.

Yesterday's blog was a bit serious wasn't it? Jesus it was like an Eastenders Omnibus. So angry, preachy and serious.

It must be a touch of The Iydwel Isaac Evans in me, my grandfather who was a fire and brimstone Welsh preacher (and occasional cross dresser, rugby player and drinker). I love a good sermon now and again.

But guess what, that was yesterday. Everyone forgot about it. It wasn't on Sky News today and the world turns. I am over it today, no dramas - just a great written rant to let the pressure off.

So my goal this week? Rest, stretch, eat well, don't shout at anyone, don't tell anyone how to live their life, be useful and to lighten the fuck up! Oh yes, and write 5 gags a day, write comedy, be a marketing manager (supposedly), move house and train a lovely old woman. How do people ever have children? Big respect for you lot out there.

Stay groovy Bloggers
xx

Day 21 - Sunday 22nd January

Miles 11; Time - 1 hour 30 Min's; Conditions - angry; Weekly mileage - 41 miles

Today i have alcoholism. How can this be if I'm Not drunk, not hungover, i don't desire a drink but i am suffering from alcoholic head and personality syndrome. It may not make any sense to non alcoholics or people who don't know what alcoholism is (not that you should have to know of course) But i most definitely have the alcoholic head. I'm so angry and resentful today. Calm and logic is not my friend.

What is this? Well it's basically what normal people have, but it seems to amplify in the head and then unless you have a replacement, in my case a 12 step recovery programme and fellowship of other people in same boat as me, then it would result in total carnage, self destructive angry drinking that would only end in chaos and tears, blood or arrest. My solution to this head? This resentment? This boiling anger? To get totally pissed of course. Not sociably drunk, not even happily drunk, but to drink in the same way as Tottenham Hotspur played under Ossie Ardiles - attack, attack, attack and to hell with the consequences. It is a supreme case of the fuck it's. When things get too tight you just get this enormous thought of 'Fuck it' in the head and head off drinking. I suppose it's just escape really, but it never helps the situation.

I can't explain why. I can't even offer any logic. I just know that when i guzzle that 1st drink i cannot stop until I've reached oblivion, so it's best that i don't have the 1st one and so the rest will not follow. That in essence the difference between heavy drinkers and alcoholics - the ability to have an 'off' button

But just because i don't drink it doesn't mean i don't think like an alcoholic. I don't have the monkey mind. The searing resentments, anger and deep hatred at certain things. That's why i need regular meetings. Without them for a while the alcoholic head becomes so loud, so unmanageable then the 'fuck it' button becomes bigger, life harder and this will eventually end in a drink.

Of course all of us as human beings suffer these emotions and life difficulties. I am not trying to claim more pain or suffering than anyone else. But the difference between healthy people and alcoholics/addicts is the way to deal with these. Being in AA helps me to live with my condition (Ie my head ) and unresolved issues and a Maladjusted attitude to life.

It also helps me not to act on these thoughts and ultimately to replace with another way of thinking that helps me deal with it and then change it and alter my attitude and behaviour. In essence the alcoholic needs to work hard, just to be a normal member of society. But that is our role, our job and it is possible to do this.

I have massive respect for people who can do this solo, but for me, i need help to do it.

So today, after a bit of family turmoil, arguments, disagreement and my total frustration of the ignorance towards alcoholism and how people don't want to accept it, accept it's hold over a family, how much damage it causes historically. The denial of it (people would rather have police, arrests, carnage, destruction than admit a problem and seek recovery openly) In short, the ignorance of it, especially from people directly suffering from it is incredible. It does my head in - hence why I'm running for Action on Addiction, raise some cash for it but more importantly a little awareness.

Most people think alcoholism as a weakness. They have little or no sympathy for alcoholics. (and fair enough why should they?) Because most people drink and can take it or leave it. Choose to stop after 3-4 drinks, they form an opinion and judgment based on that. Therefore, in some people's head it's the alcoholics fault, They choose to drink, they choose not to give up so sod them.

Fair enough, people have enough of their own problems. But what if it is a genetic thing? Why does the World Health Organisation recognise it as 3rd biggest killer illness in the world. Would you blame someone if they had cancer? Just because a doctor cannot prescribe alcoholism and they don't put it on a death certificate it means that people cannot justify it as a bona fide disease. What if it is? What if we change our perception to it?

But how come it took my Dad 30 years to slowly kill himself. Finally of liver failure on the death certificate but that was just physical symptom of alcoholism. What of my brother, my family affected by it? How many Children have been affected emotionally because of the disease. It spreads everywhere and leaves damage. But who wants to recognise this?

We look at people like George Best and famous alcoholics and see them as a bit of a rogue, but millions of nobodies die alcoholic deaths that no-one knows about. No-one writes headlines about the hard lives families have in dealing with them. Go and check out the liver wards of hospitals. See people lined up, yellow, jaundiced, about to die and all of them will say, 'I'm no alcoholic. I like a beer, but......" They are in denial to the death as are families. Try going into prison and seeing 70% of people in there for drink or drug problems. Yet we waste money every day to punish the addicts, not cure them. How much money would we save if a large amount of them tried to become 'normal members of the human race?' Contributing not taking.

Today's run was spent thinking about all this, (nice and lighg thoughts) targeting members of my family with resentment, sharpening it and even arguing with them in my head whilst running. Crazy! Busy day so i only had time for 11 miles.

Ran up to Hyde Park and saw some great London sites, including Buckingham Palace and The Eye, (although i was actually shouting out loudly to no-one in particular 'Wankers' like a great big mad person. The sites were Stunning and lots of tourists agreed. They spend fortunes coming to see these, i live just down the road, how lucky am i?. I ran down the Mall where the marathon ends and tried to think of the buzz on the day, for some positive thoughts.

I wanted to stop after 20 Min's. Leg hurt, tired, angry etc. I carried on and then found the resentment and used it to power on for 11 miles. I felt OK but every step was like sharpening a resentment. OK for short term but not possible to sustain for long period, you would emotionally burn yourself up.

I saw a girl with very short skirt and long high heeled boots on a Boris bike, so that was nice light relief. And it was only right at the end when i think my anger slightly relented.

Best feeling was waiting in Tesco, to buy papers and grub dripping in sweat after the run, it's always very satisfying to have it done, out the way and you feel good about that (anyone running long will know)

So that's it, apologies about the rant, the anger, the gloomy tone today but that's my space today. It maybe different later, I'm sure maybe I'm wrong on some points, but you know what, isn't that part of being human. To learn, to grow, to change, to learn.

I have allot of learning and changing to do, but i want to always be one thing. True, open and honest and a non bullshitter. I have seen the pain and seen it hidden and i never want to do that. Maybe it's too open, maybe i say too much, maybe it;s too opinionated and brutal but that is the reason for this blog.

Today anger and resentment helped me fuel my training but i wouldn't recommend that as a long term plan, however if your running long, find something to works, that occupies you to help with the boredom and the horror of the long time and mileage ahead of you.

good job you can't be arrested for your thoughts. I'd be looking at a long stretch judging by today's internal thinking. Messy

enjoy your day

xx

Day 20 - Saturday 21st January 2012

Miles - 8 ; Time - 1 hour 6 Min's; Conditions - mild and dry; Weekly mileage - 30 miles

Saturday! The weekend. A time to rest, relax. So after 4 hours kip i was up at 5.30am to train my client.

It has been a fascinating process. What is a personal trainer? Why do people have them? To lose weight, shape up, get fit. Some people want specific things, like body sculpting, increase strength but mostly want to look and feel better. There are many trainers out there who will blind people with the technical and physical, but how many take the time to listen? To get in the head. To help with the mental as well as the physical.

My client is an ultra successful 60 year old business lady. Amazing in business and chronically low self esteem out of it. Therefore by talking and building up trust and using power walking, hills and getting up early to see dawn breaking, We have worked on building confidence, esteem, positivity and of course healthiness. It has been a fascinating process. Also a help to me too.

After I slipped in an early morning Bikram class to stretch. Injuries played on my mind but I iced, stretched tried to not worry too much. Using positive thoughts instead of my natural 'oh god it's all going to go to tits' mentality,

A quick one about yoga. Sometimes it has been painful being quiet for 90 minutes. My head has seemed so loud that i thought it would disrupt the class. Sometimes the head has been focusing on a problem, on being tired, on what hurts, on a resentment during the day, or just plain not wanting to do the class and wishing it to end. That has been a regular thinking pattern for me. Being quiet sometimes is almost painful that i want to scream. Not sure that would go down too well in a yoga class.

Today i tried to focus on each posture, on stretching, on being 'in the present'. It certainly helped and made me enjoy the class more. OK there was an ultra fit teacher in hot pants but as I've said before that was the cherry on the icing. Still helps though! Plus this attitude usually means i won't engage in an argument and get barred from class. So really it;s not just helping me but everyone else in the world too!

Afterwards, i set off for my run. It was The usual route this week (along Chelsea Embankment up to Parliament Square) and weather was good, i felt energetic and remarkably the hip has fixed, Achilles settled down, only the shin gave me jip but i could manage that. I powered on at a steady pace for a nice and tight 8 miler. Felt good, didn't go too quick, but also got into the steady rhythmic zone and floated along for a bit. I love those moments and will try to focus on them more. Apparently that's a classic sports psychology tool and helps in raising performance. It also helps with my head.

I ran this in 1hr 6 Min's, the second half was 4 Min's quicker than 1st half so that shows that my body warms up after 30 minutes. Things stop creaking and pain disappears, my head clears out and I'm in the moment. I seem to run better. That's my tip for the day. Try to attain this status in whatever you do. I may try it in DIY later (if you know what i mean)

Rest of day spent meeting a mate for lunch who happens to be a performance coach. I'm meeting him in 2 weeks for some 'mental' training. It may take him a long time. But he did say allot of interesting things about the brain, performance and how to affect change and improve performance. These are themes i will explore in later blogs.

I also did The most insane meeting I've been too (i counted 6 manic depressives in attendance, most of which were not on medication. It was like an episode of Shameless), had an ultra argument with my family, lost my temper, apologised, lost my temper again and then put phone down in a fit of temper tantrum, effectively like an 8 year old.

Why are families the hardest people to keep your cool with? God, if those family bag of maltesers weren't next to me i may consider going out for a run to ease the anger. I have such anger issues apparently but they can f*** off.

I suppose it boils down to acceptance. My moral of the day, i can only change myself not others.

So there's day 20. nearly 3 weeks of solid running. Incredible for me. All in, a good day, well, up until 8pm and then it was bag o shite. Still, tired so i am going to be the world's most boring man and get an early night it in. It;s the dreaded long one tomorrow - but I'm going to try and swap my attitude around and embrace it. MMMM, lets see if i can do such a thing

Enjoy your Sunday jogger bloggers

Mucho love
xx

Day 19 - Friday 20th January 2012

Rest Day - Slightly Injured - Weekly mileage 22 miles

OK today i relented to the slight injuries. The hip, the shin, the Achilles and ground out a day at work (always tough after comedy night) I got about as close to running as my nan, and she's 96 and in a Stanner Stairlift. In fact she would have coasted past me today. I was walking like Louis Spence at a Vaseline party. It was time for a rest and a dose of reality.

I may have to limit my running days. I have been out nearly every day for a month and my body is suffering a little. My head is great, but the legs not so. Lets see what the weekend brings, i will be disappointed if i have to limit the days as I'm so into the every day discipline. I feel it has really helped me focus this year so much better.

My plan this weekend is to run Richmond park and sprint hills on Saturday (7 miles) and do a 16 miler on Sunday. I will then review after that. Lets see how it goes. That would bring me up to 45 miles for the week.

Not allot to add today other than i saw something truly inspirational. Kings Road, Chelsea. 6pm. As i was stuck in traffic visiting a pal in hospital, feeling a little sorry for myself that i couldn't run. A little tired from ultra busy week. i looked up to see a guy bounding down the pavement not just running but powering away. I looked again and he had one good leg and one 'blade style' false leg. He was an amputee and was totally dominating his run.

Suddenly i felt ever so slightly embarrassed and could only marvel at this dude's athleticism and mental resolve. A true inspiration and message of positivity and 'can do' A true hero. Amazing athlete and runner and human being.............................................Mind you, the w****er cut in front of me at the lights causing me to stop quickly. I weighed up in an instant whether i should make allowances due to the fact that he was technically handicapped. However i decided on equality for all, so i flipped him the bird and beeped my horn in a desperately sad and ever so pathetic way. Not a good look being aggressive towards a bloke with one leg. it;s certainly not good karma and an ugly site for an onlooker who didn't see the circumstances leading into it. I really wouldn't stand a chance justifying it.

In my defence there is a hierarchy in this town though. it is expected for drivers to hate cyclists and pedestrains and vice versa. Obviously it ends when you finish driving. And then when you walk you develop a hatred to drivers. So it's a fluid mutual hatred.

However In case you're wondering I didn't run him over, god I'm not that sick in the head....i just gave him a little nudge on the blade. I'm seeking spiritual perfection. I havent found it!

Have a tidy weekend everyone

(PS if anyone thinks i am being cruel or discrimative towards amputees, i have run Ironman for a charity called Limb Power, rasing funds for amputees. Ok they all beat me as i was as slow as a snail on valium, but it is fact!)

Nicholas Evans
xx

Day 18 - Thursday 19th January

Miles - 8; Time 1 hour 11 mins; conditions - mild and dry thank god; Weekly mileage - 22 miles

As i sit and write this at 1.20am after doing my monthly Comedy Club tonight (www.comedychops.co.uk) i'm knackered, done in but content. There is no doubt that tonight my daily blog and commitment to the training and writing process enabled me to be far more fearless and try out new material. I have spent a whole year not writing, not performing jokes primarily due to fear and sloth - and tonight for the first time i actually delivered some material i had written, and whilst some of it was not great, some i buggered up, some was funny and well worth doing. It made me feel much better inside.

So, from this process it has undoubtedly helped my comedy and made me try things out. I never banked on that when i started.

It was a hard day as i couldnt sleep last night until nearly 2am and then i had to get up at 5am to train someone in Hyde Park. Driving rain and wind made it deeply unpleasant in the pitch dark early morning, but after 20 minutes started to get a sick buzz from the elements. Odd.

Luckily i wasn't in the office, so went back home after, did some work, wrote my comedy homework (a piece about what you are most sensitive about - mine was having man tits when i was younger and fatter), put off running as i was so tired, plus my achilles and hip hurt still.

Finally i went out at 10am when it finally stopped raining and did same route as last night. The feel was diffrerent in the day but it was a treat to get to Parliament Square and see Big Ben in full glory.

The run was very slow. In fact i had mobility scooters beeping at me. Man my body hurt, the hip and achilles really restrictive. Oh god have i done the ultimate stupid thing of doing too much too quickly?

Strangely when i started to focus on comedy jokes the pain went and i started to move better. This was after 40 minutes. The last 30 were ok, and i ground out an 8 mile run to take me above the 20 mile point for the week. Injury permitting i will try to do another 8 miler tomorrow which will leave me 20 miles to do over the weekend to hit the 50 mile mark.

I feel a few days of rest coming on though, as the achilles feels a little wonky, which i know can turn into full blown tendinitis. so i must be careful, as that is weeks out injured. I would not be a happy bunny.

Rest of day was spent doing odd jobs and i fell asleep at 5pm as i was totally exhausted. 3 hours kip is just not on. I missed the full preperation for my comedy night and as ever was nervous, full of self doubt and underprepared. i wrote material and new jokes and placed on a clipboard.

Then i did it, i perfromed the material and some other gags i'd written and they got laughs. It felt good and productive and again, it made me feel more confident and content as i was at least 'doing something', not living in fear and avoidance.

The night was great success, people seem to enjoy it, 50 were there, we had some great acts and selfishly i felt i had contributed and tried.

Thank you marathon training and marathon blog, you are really helping me.

PS - In at 12.30am and had 4 wispas, box of Rice Crispies, 3 donuts and packet of choc biscuits as a reward for doing so much.......mmm, I'm not sure i've seen that Nutrition plan posted on the London Marathon website. Unorthodox and silly, as the sugar hangover tomorrow will definately mean that resting and not running is high on my agenda. On one hand the lord giveth and on the other he taketh the Hob Knobs away. Thank god, i've had enough, but if pushed could squeeze a little more in my greedy gob. Time for bed instead.

Happy Friday fellow Jog Bloggers

Nicholas Edward

Day 17 - Weds 18th January 2012

Miles 7.75 miles; Time 1 hour 02mins; Conditions - night time mild and groovy; weekly miles - 14 miles

A nightime run after an ultra busy long day is sometimes worse than stapling your nuts to a table. Sometimes it's more painful than a Vernon Kay box set and sometimes it's better than anything else in the world you can think of.

Tonight mine was the later. After a day where i enjoyed a rare lie in until 6.30am, a day in the office poncing around in 3 piece suit and a comedy writing course in the evening that seemed to bring up all my defects of character against an egotistic mouthy comedienne (If you spot it you got it Nick) i arrived back at my pals place I'm house sitting for 3 days (£3million penthouse in Chelsea Harbour overlooking the Thames. Nice!) at 9.30pm hell bent on getting out for a run.

I got out immediately, not allowing myself to procrastinate, and had a superb little 7 mile run. It was really mild, the cold seems to have passed thank god (I really am not a fan of running in the cold) and i set off on a great route. Here it was;

Imperial wharf, Chelsea Embankment, Batersea Bridge, along the river up the embankment, passed the splendid Albert Bridge, now shed of it's scaffolding and sparkling brand new again, past Chelsea Bridge, Vauxhall Bridge, The Tate, 2 Henry Moore Sculptures, MI5 building, Lambeth Bridge, Labour Headquarters at Mill bank, up to Houses of Parliament and Big Ben, and then back again. What a route, particularly at night.

Took 15 minutes to warm up, left hip was sore and painful, but felt great between 15-30mins. Then had a dip in energy as hadn't eaten much today and my right Achilles started killing me. I immediately self diagnosed tendinitis and a 6 week recovery period. Amazing really, seeing as i have never studied medicine, but i picked up after 40 Min's and flew back over the last 20 minutes. Felt like a total beast and powered along the Thames, outrunning 2 Police boats in the process. Definitely hit the zone and it was a great moment when your legs don't feel attached to your body, nothing hurts, your head is clear and running is as easy as Katie Price on heat.

I felt great when i got in at 10.30pm and very pleased with myself for getting out. I now see the attraction of late night running by the Thames. With all those landmarks lit up it really is something of a buzz and a true pleasure.

One downside is that my right Achilles is really painful. Iced and stretched it but I'm limping around like an Italian Cruise ship. I hope to god i haven't injured myself. I really do. I was secretly hoping that in my new found commitment and focus that God would look after me and allow me to beast the training without any hiccups. Lets see how it is in the morning.

Up at 5am to train my client. Then it's a 10 mile run, visiting hospitalized friends and prepare and do my comedy night tomorrow night. Today;s entry is not pulling up any trees or offering anything particularly hilarious or enlightening, Just an average day with an above average run and making me appreciate London as a great city and how lucky i am to live in it and the best way to see it is to run at night. Try it, you may like it!

Nn
xx

Day 16 - Tuesday 17th January 2012

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Day 15 - Monday 16th January 2012

10k (6.25miles) ; Time - 49mins; conditions - dull it was on treadmill; Weekly mileage - 6.25miles.

Today is officially the most boring blog entry of the whole 2 weeks. Blue Monday. Back to work, low energy, low motivation, mid afternoon crash of energy and will to live. Busy tonight, left work, fantasies of laying on sofa watching mindless crap. Couldn't. Went to gym, ran 10km. went to meeting, did service, went home, ate pack of Heroes (the best tasting but least known of the 4 boxes of the chocolate apocalypse - Roses, Quality Street, Celebrations but bet you never remember Heroes) and ice cream.

Watched crap. went to sleep. Yawn. dull.

The worlds most un-inspirational blog entry but at least i did 6 miles on top of 31 over the weekend, even though i didn't want too.

Nicholas Edward

Day 14 - Sunday 15th January - The Long Un' Part Deux

Miles 14; Time - 1 hour 59 minutes; Conditions - Gorgeous; Weekly Mileage - 49 miles

I can't believe it's a full 2 weeks since i started this blog/journey. The end of the week and the Long One loomed. It had been on my mind all weekend, i planned to run 15 miles. I didn't want too. I tried to trick myself to get out of it. But it simply had to be done.

A brutal 6am start to train a client in Richmond Park, and man was it cold. That was finished by 7.30am and although i planned to run straight away, i was so cold i had to go to Bikram Yoga class to heat up and stretch. It was a good plan.

I like Bikram Yoga, really due to the heat and stretch on hamstrings and hips etc. (OK there's a few fit girls in Lycra too, but that's just a bonus) I've been doing it for nearly 4 years and it's a good balance and contrast to running.

I learnt 2 things in class this morning;

1 - There were a couple of large girls in their early days who clearly struggled. You have to allow for people just starting but they had about as much backbone and determination as Ed Milliband on Lithium. They couldn't do anything, gave up, sat down and really just gave up. I thought to myself 'that is how i feel mostly inside but there must be an inner pride and determination not to give in so easily, show a little fight (The Aussies call it 'ticker') and get stuck in. It actually helped me in my thoughts on the long run. I thought 'bring on the 15 miler now'. If I'm being honest a lot of younger girls these days seem to have that. I see it all the time in Yoga. Chubby, nonathletic, unsexy and basically lazy 20-30 year old's. Doesn't stop me eyeing them up though! And don't get me started on women not dressing as women anymore too. Jesus i sound like an old bastard.

2 - I chatted to a guy after, who apparently is a big spiritual guy. Into yoga, meditation etc. A Trader who is polluted with money. That's a laugh, a spiritual trader. How does that work? Anyway i took an instant dislike to him. I wish i wasn't so quick to judge, but i told him about my training and the book which seems to have influenced me (anyone read it yet) and all he did was do the old, 'one up manship'. He came back at me with a book about an Ultra Marathon runner and some quotes from a yoga master.

I thought, 'cunt'. An arrogant spiritualist. I know the type. Read and quote, in order to use spiritual and deep quotes on people. It;s a form of material spiritual arrogance and ego. Which in itself is not spiritual. I thought to myself, ''you know what is most spiritual of all? Time and listening. Listen to someone and engage, don't try to 'beat' in a conversation. And give people time. There is nothing more humble and spiritual than that. I know I'm not spiritual as i wanted to chin him. All in the yoga changing room i add. Fucking ego maniacs. Such a shame I'm one of them, sigh.


So armed with those deep resentments and insights, off i trotted home. Got my running stuff on, (3 layers, running leggins (it's the only time i can engage in my fetish for all things leggins without cross dressing - god i love women in leggins - that really is too much info Nick, gloves and headband to keep me warm) went out in bright sunshine on my long run part 2. I did the same route as the previous week, towpath, Craven Cottage, Richmond Park, Wimbledon Common. It was sunny, it was gorgeous and i felt pretty good. Obviously my head was focusing on how far it was and how i should just stop, cut it short and smoke - but on i kept.

My head was down, i didn't acknowledge people, i concentrated hard, on my breathing, step and rhythm. Certain parts were very slow but others i felt i was in the zone and felt much better than the past 2 days.

I finished 14 miles and decided that was enough in a shade under 2 hours. It felt good and rewarding. I was happy. Anything over 1 hour 30 mins is challenging, but I'm aware the real marathon training work comes in the mile 14-21 training. But that's for another day.

So that is the end of  week 2. 49 miles run. A busy week and another one to come. Slow middle but over 30 miles done this weekend, comedy course started, blog kept up, 5 jokes a day written and other writing too. I even cut down on adult related sites to fit everything in. It's made me feel so much better inside. I never realised in order to change you have to actually do something. Gutted!

I think i deserve a Roast today, not a 3's up kind of roast but a lunch. Although seeing as i have been so good all week, surely some Sunday depravity i deserve? No - on the straight and narrow, Roast Dinner, write and rest today.

Hope you've enjoyed the week readers, have a tip top Sunday. Make time for someone you love and listen to them even if it's for 5 minutes and lets try not to be like arrogant yoga man, just for today

Love and peas
Nicholas Edward

xx

Day 13 - Saturday 14th January 2012 - HOLY F*** IT'S COLD!

MILES - 10; TIME 1HOUR 26MINS; CONDITIONS - F**** COLD; WEEKLY MILEAGE - 35

Up and at em' early today. Awake at 7am, feeling surprisingly chirpy after the customary 15 minutes 'coming round'. Does anyone really skip out of bed and bounce into the day?

Decided on a 10 miler and instead of buggering about, i went straight out at 7.45am. It was just light, crisp, bright and sodding cold. The coldest day of the year and a real classic Marathon training day in January. -2 degrees and colder than a Banker's heart.

I ran to the river and did the towpath from Putney to Barnes. 5 miles all along the river. It was superb. The day was an absolute stormer. A crystal clear bright light, the sun bounced off the buildings and boat clubs. Rowers prepared for training, runners trundled by, dog walkers wrapped up against the cold. Shivering into their uniform fleeces.

The river looked incredible, a low mist hung over it like a movie set. Sun rays streamed through the gaps. I passed 3 photographers shooting the scene. The sort you see on the front pages of tomorrow's newspapers. It really was quite extraordinary, and a real benefit in getting up to do marathon training. Simply stunning. High five to you God. I missed so many of these mornings when i was hungover.

The other thing that struck me was the amount of people out early 'doing shit'. Runners, mountain bikers, walkers, dog walkers, rowers, painters, photographers. I used to think London was an unfit town. That people just drank, clubbed, ate, commuted and worked. I figured that sunny outdoor places like Australia, Brazil or other climbs were healthy. Only because i spent most of my time in pubs, bars, tubes, work and police cells.

Now i realise there are plenty of people out and about in London. Whole communities of people exercising or just indulging in sporting hobbies in the early morning. The river and Richmond park a real hub of this. Therefore it's a real pleasure to be 'one of them', grinding out the miles and makes me enjoy nature and open spaces even more.

The other thing i like about running in these open wooded spaces, instead of built up streets, is the freedom that comes with unloading a big piss when you need one. Loading up on tea, water and luckozade before a longish run always leaves the bladder fuller than a bulimics fridge.

Invariably (and this happens so much during the marathon) you get the urge to piss after about 3 miles. This can be problematic in built up areas. Meaning you crouch in alley ways or doorways looking like a serial masturbator. But in open spaces, quiet wooded areas or parks you can unload with an element of freedom, enjoyment and no shame. You could even have a little mid run wank if that's your thing. Never appealed to me though. I'm here to run! But nothing is quite so satisfying as a piss when you run and when you start running again it's like you have a new body and run strongly. Bit worrying this morning though as the MHP(Massive Horse Piss) lasted for what seemed like hours, So long in fact that 2 OAP's running slower than a milk float on bricks got dangerously near from a mile away. Next time i shall measure it better and leave myself a 2 mile exclusion zone.

On i trotted and if I'm being honest the legs were very heavy today. I did to Barnes Bridge and back at a very slow pace. A plod really. The hamstrings hurt, the hips were tighter than a virgin's snatch and i crawled back home and completed the 10 miles. Sorted.

It took me 10 minutes to open the door as my hands didn't work through numbing cold, my nose was running more than me, the eyes watering like I'd just watched Watership Down on loop and the legs felt like they'd been fed Viagra. But it was done and i had observed one of the most stunning mornings in London i have seen. Inside i felt good and content, all by 9.30am. Get in!

Only 15 miles tomorrow for the 50 mile mark for the week. Jesus, i must be insane, it's going to be tough as the legs are stiff but bring it on i say. In fact i'm secretly looking forwards to it. Another cold and sunny day forecast. The only spanner in the works is i have to train someone at 6am. Surely that should be illegal on a Sunday. -5 degrees forecast. Oh god. Now, where was that number for Dubai again?.........

Have a good un you lovely people

Nicholas Edward
xx

Day 12 - Friday 13th January 2012 - Unlucky for some?

Miles 7; Time - 1 hour; Conditions - chilly; Weekly mileage 25 miles
Friday night. Friday the 13th, supposedly unlucky but not for me today. I actually had quite a perky day. Long sleep last night, woke late, into work, wrote 5 jokes on the train on the way, did a decent day's work and then home tonight for a run.

It's not a bad day when my biggest dilemma was, run in gym or brave the cold outdoors. Pussy or man up? Hardly front page news is it? I mean it's not on Sky, but boy did i deliberate over it for ages. David Cameron didn't spend that long deliberating over the Euro Treaty. Sometimes my head just cannot make a decision

Cinema or DVD? Run or Yoga? Meeting or coffee with pal? Stay in or Go out? The list is endless...make a frigging decision, Please! That's why in the old days i got pissed, it's easier. Wake up on a Saturday, thousands of things you can do in London. Gallery? Day trip? Shops? Theatre? Sites? Nah Pub -  you just drink loads, forget about everything and then make a total nuisance of yourself. Easy! Trouble is Sunday's were then spent waking up in a police cell. Nasty

Anyway, i digress, Decision? Man up and run outdoors. I realised i was a 2 time Ironman and a little cold is nothing. Out i went and the mind was buzzing and clear but the body was not. I chugged along slowly and completed my 7 miles in 1 hour. Felt good to be out and the crisp clear dark night was pretty invigorating.

I have 25 miles to run over the weekend to hit my magic 50 figure  for the week, so Saturday is 11 miles and Sunday the 'long one' 15 miles. Big miles but I'm determined to do it.

So this is the end of the working week, but 2 running days to go. I Feel fresher after day off and a good sleep. I Feel better in the head from actually sticking to a commitment of writing 5 jokes a day for a comedy course and with the running and this blog. I guess that's where inner peace and contentment come from. Sticking to something no matter what and seeing it through.

Several people reading the blog have said I'm very hard on myself, and i guess i am. They have also said they find it quite motivating, which is great. As i said in my intro, i have a head that tells me I'm no good, i can't do things and that there is no point in trying. It also rubbishes good achievements or minimizes things i have done. It prevents me from sticking with things  - In short, it's out to fuck me up. All i hope from this blog is that it shows anyone can actually do things you didn't think were possible. If i can, i truly believe anyone can. I really do.

So, just for today I'm OK, I'm peaceful. It;s Friday night and in the old days i would be itching to go out and get on it. Even over past few years i would be trying to organise some kind of twisted liaison. But now I'm pretty content being boring.

I've done my jokes, put in a shift, done my training, written Le Jog Blog and feel quite content. Granted at the back of my mind is the 25 miles over weekend, 3k tax bill i got, didn't expect and am shitting myself about, The fact i have to move soon, My comedy Club night on Thursday this week and the comedy course. But that's for tomorrow, just for now all is groovy.

I may even watch Graham Norton on BBC1 tonight and see a pal of mine interviewed who is making it big in movies, and look at him and think 'good on you', instead of 'bastard why can't i get that'. mmm, on second thoughts, I'm really not that well in the head yet, 'bastard, why can't i get that.' and now, who would be up for meeting late at night?,,,,,,,,,,,mmm

Have great weekend lovely people.

Nick Evans

Day 11 - Thursday 12th January - The Sabbath

Day of Rest; No miles; Conditions - Knackered; Weekly Mileage 15

Today i am buggered. There's no point beating around the bush. I watch enough of that online (sorry Mum) but i am exhausted. Kaput. The head is willing but the body is grumbling, so my aim to run everyday is on hold for now. As they say rest is best sometimes.

This week has been the 1st full one back into work. It's always a hard week for everyone as the year pans out in front of you. The zing, bounce and optimism from the sun of Dubai has been worn down a little by the daily commute, grind of London and full days in the office. The attitude has slipped a little, and the training has had to be crammed in around life commitments. This is a little disappointing as i feel I've lost a little bit of my focus this week. Reality has kicked in.

The intention was to grind out an 8 mile run tonight, but i decided to rest instead. I have run for 5 days straight, but lack of kip and feeling run down has contributed to my fatigue more than the running. If I'm honest i haven't been eating particularly well and my head is slightly negative after a midweek dip. I don't suppose the midnight binge of sugary shit helped either. It's just that 3ft box of Jaffa Cakes looked so bloody good.

No matter, a few bits of kip, decent diet and a few long runs over the weekend, in daylight, will soon get the mojo back and focus up again. I must not lose sight of the 'experiment' for the marathon to help with the discipline in everyday life. I think that has slipped this week.

On the positive, i have started 2012 pretty well and kept up my promises to myself, Train hard, write blog, enrol on comedy writing course, write and perform comedy. I attended the course last night and although it's allot to take on with everything i intend to keep up to commitment.

I have a massive feeling of guilt tonight that i haven't run, but it is important to rest sometimes both physically and mentally and shake things up. A tired body and tired mind is not good, nothing like feeling fresh and positive and with the weekend coming now, i have a target of 32 miles over 3 days to get myself up to the weekly total of 50 miles i am targeting for the next 2 weeks.Then i shall get on the track for the horrid sprints and hills to boost speed and endurance.

Today is a boring blog entry as I'm tired and grumpy. My self critical and low self esteem head is saying, "This is where people stop reading, you're blog is now too long and boring and blah blah blah...." See told you it's Negative sometimes, so i am now telling it to fuck off and leave it all be. You decide what you want to do, i just write my silly thoughts, the rest is up to the big fella.

I also have the worst gas in the world so it's probably a blessing i didn't go out as i would have had to wear a special runners nappy ('rappy) to keep things tight. See, there i go with the shitting again. Enough.It's disgusting, it's not big, it;s not clever and it's not hygienic. Tomorrow i will quote all kinds of philosophers and writers to cleanse myself of such base gutter talk.

Off to bed after evening of trying to write 5 jokes and other comedy stuff. Looks like i may have to employ the same techniques of focus, planning and determination i am trying to do for the running into writing too. Why can't i just be a genius and get things easily? God i am king baby tonight, best just bugger off to bed.

Nn xx

Nicholas Edward

Day 10 - Weds 11th - Work Gets in the way

Distance 3 miles; Time 26 minutes; Conditions - late at night; Weekly distance - 18 miles.

Hello Jogger Bloggers (Thanks Jules for that)

Hope you're enjoying the journey so far. I certainly am, though not quite so much today. I'm writing this blog at 12.50am, in my pants (standard issue M&S, yes I've reached that age now where M &S comfort pants are more appealing than the tight trunk or boxer), having had an exceptionally busy day (15 hours) and very little time to run and write.

I woke at 5am to train someone in Hyde Park, saw an amazing sunrise though. Then it was into the city to masquerade as a Marketing Manager all day and finally into the West End in the evening to start a comedy writing course, which i have to say was exceptionally tough. It apparently takes graft and imagination and no little skill to write jokes.

It felt like the longest day. Finally i reached home at 10.30pm, and the last thing i wanted to do was run. I cursed my commitment to run nearly every day, i swore at myself for being stupid, i cussed the marathon, felt sorry for myself and then went out for a short 3 mile trot in 26 minutes.

The early morning and evening bit was fine, it was the 9 hours in between at work that i found unacceptable. I have to be here to get paid? And why after a full days work do i feel like i deserve 2 days off?

It's so unfair. My grandfather was a miner, steeplejack and was in the Army, proper man's work. Physical, hard and brutal in parts. Fair enough, I'm not disputing that it's hard work, but did he ever have to write a marketing plan, or work a budget on an excel spreadsheet? It's brutal down on the front line, yesterday i got a paper cut and the stress of formatting cells and borders is devastating.

Only joking, and just in case my boss reads this, i so love my job and am totally focused on it, i definitely didn't think of writing, running all day at work. Didn't check Facebook, emails and research new running trainers 16 times throughout the day, or take a 90 minute lunch break. I didn't do those things. Scouts honour, not that i was in the scouts though. I worked like a little Trojan all day.

It got me thinking about pre planning training and squeezing in work and life commitments. How can you manage? Job, home, marriage, kids? My hat goes off to them, i can barely manage my underwear let alone a family. Respect family people.

Marathon training is about time management. When to fit in training, rest, nutrition, long runs, preparation, bikram yoga, gym strength training, family, social life, friends, work, hobbies. It's a big ask.

But one thing i know as from today. You have to be prepared to make tough decisions, to make that call. No messing, no emotion, what is best for yourself. So, i have decided to clear the decks and concentrate on training and bikram for the next wee while. But in order to do that i am going to have sacrifice a part of my life and make time - so i have decided as from the near future, i am going to retire.......Yep retire from work. It gets in the way too much. Why wait until 65?

Granted i don't have any money, savings, pension etc but clearly work has to go, how else will i fit in all this running, training, yoga, coffee meetings, gym, writing? Somethings got to give, surely? MMM, maybe i need to think that one through.

Plenty of talk yesterday on FB and the blog about runners shitting themselves. Strange how i have explored topics such as Addiction ,personal development, negative thinking, alcoholism, family bereavement, fitness, weight loss, eating disorders, work to life ratio and other subjects. However mention shitting ones own pants and suddenly people's ears prick up. I've clearly found you're level. Get in!

Off to sleep, please god let me not shit the bed. Plenty of shame in that.

Love
NEE
xxx

Day 9 - Tuesday 10th January

Distance - 8 miles; Time 1hour 11 Min's; Conditions - Mild; Weekly distance - 15 Miles.

Today i learnt a valuable lesson in running, training, the marathon process and it's impact on mental strength and attitude.

I decided against an early morning run, I'll go tonight, was my thinking.

After a long day in the office, i was quite looking forward to a run. However with every passing minute my motivation got less and less. I grew more tired and lethargic, until finally after a busy commute and no seat on the district line, i arrived home at 7.30pm, hardly bursting with energy and enthusiasm to train.

After pissing about on Facebook & Twitter i stumbled across The Great British Bake Off on BBC2. Pudgy women with painted nails in aprons Kneading Dough and making fancy cakes. It was Baking Porn and i was glued. The idea of an 8 mile run grew as appealing as one of Lloyd Grossman's Pasta Sauces, I was settling in.

I knew i had to go out though, and i put on the kit and headed out. Energy was in short supply, however i trudged around my normal 7 mile route.

Lesson 1 -  If it hadn't have been for the marathon there is not a hope in hell i would have dragged my arse out tonight. No chance. It was the Marathon, the commitment to training and writing that got me out of the door. It made me think that the best way to exercise/lose weight, do anything really is to set a goal and work towards it. Bit of a blow to my entire attitude and way i have lived my life. As i have tried to be totally plan free, spontaneous and off the cuff. However facts is facts and in setting a target to run a marathon quicker than ever before it compelled me to go out and do the opposite to what my head was telling me to do.

Lesson 2 - I could have cut short the route on 5, 6 or 7 miles. I was tired blah blah blah, i was constantly thinking of cutting short but i told myself relax, you're not tired, keep going and guess what i powered over the last 3 miles and smashed out an 8miler. Superb. It really can be done. I was totally fucked when i got home though and didn't even have enough strength to knock one out over the Two Fat Ladies repeats on UK Gold.

Lesson 3 - Get your nutrition right before you run. I  hardly ate anything all day so consequently i felt rough. I made the terrible mistake of eating some dried fruit before i went out, even though I'm generally allergic to this, causing stomach cramps and bloatedness. Therefore at around Mile 5 i had an attack of some deep rooted farts. Now when you run and fart it doesn't come out in a long relaxed tone like when you are at home or in bed. Instead it;s a little like a machine gun or car backfiring repeatedly, Quack, Quack Quack. It is quite common for runners to do a 'Radcliffe' and shit themselves, luckily i exerted enough experience and anal control that i clenched in the nick of time saving myself a very uncomfortable 3 miles. There is no shame in shitting yourself on a long run, the only shame is in the secret disposal of your pants in your neighbours garden afterwards, but i am only going on hearsay as it is something i am lucky enough not to have done. Yet

Today was indeed my best run, not because it was strong, quick or enjoyable but because i did a decent distance when i felt awful and in the least likely mood to embrace it. Here's to the marathon, it's only you that saved me today. I'm truly buggered now so off to kip (before midnight is unheard) i literally can't wait to get up at 5am to train someone at 6am in Hyde Park before work.

Now, where is that positive can do attitude again?...........

Until tomorrow good people

Nicholas Edward Evans
xx

Day 8 - Monday 9th Jan - Bonus Feature

In my earlier blog post i forgot to add a couple of things and was less than truthful about my day, so i thought i would set the record straight.

At the very beginning of this process i was advised and asked if the discipline, focus and planning i put into the training would be Incorporated into my work/career. Would it help with goals, achievements, ambitions? Would it 'spill over' into my professional life?

My answer was, 'I don't know, we shall find out during the process'.

Well today i had to write a marketing plan. Something that needs to be done for Weds. In truth i have been putting this off for days. Doing almost anything not to write it. However today was the day i was going to use my new found focus, determination and discipline. You just have to sit down for several hours, concentrate and write the sodding thing.

So did i do it? Well all i can say is it's 11.30pm and i did the following today ;

Emailed people, looked on faceboook, did some PR for marathon, fundraising and my comedy club, ran 7 miles, surfed some specialist sites, watched Homes Under The Hammer and Flog it, went to the gym, went to sainsburys, talked to some friends and Mother on phone, read the paper, wrote this blog, went to a meeting and then watched FA Cup highlights & LIve darts. Not a marketing fucking plan in site!!

The King Of sloth and procrastination ruled. So, the focus and drive clearly doesn't extend so far to marketing plans for financial services companies. Still, at least there is tomorrow I;m in the office tomorrow all day so i will have to do it, besides it doesn't pick up BBC1 in reception where the TV's are, so i can't watch Homes Under The Hammer or indeed Flog it.

Best crack on then i suppose

#The truth

Nicholas

Day 8 - Monday 9th January 2012

Distance - 7 Miles: Time - 56 Minutes: Conditions - Monday Blurgh; Weekly Total - 7miles

Monday morning is always a bit of a tricky one. Luckily for me I'm 'working from home'. However to a world class procrastinator and someone addicted to dubious websites, this is somewhat dangerous.

Body and legs felt a little stiff after yesterdays 'long one'. 14 miles was the furthest i have run since the Royal Parks Half Marathon in October, but on the whole i felt OK.

Usually in the past, i would have rewarded myself after a long run with an enormous food and sweet binge and 2 days off running/training. The binge would have consisted of pretty much everything humanly bad for you followed by a day of self flagellation and hatred before getting back on board.

Not this time, i ate pretty well, wrote my blog, buggered around and got an early night in (2am) - I'm a night owl see. I love late nights and early mornings, a mix that doesn't really work. A bit like salad and chips really. Again, something to improve on.

Seeing as i felt a little stiff, i decided against an hour of brutal track sprints and went on my usual 7 mile trot at mid morning. Getting going was a little like trying to start an old spitfire. I chugged,coughed and spluttered for the first few minutes trying to get my legs to stop working like stale baguettes. Finally after 10 minutes or so they loosened up and off i trotted. slow steady pace but pleased to be out running again.

Not much to report other than, again, i really enjoyed the run. I can say for the first time, maybe ever that 'I'm really into my running'. Seems strange after 8 years plodding and 7 years of marathons and endurance sports this is the 1st time i seem to have done it with a purpose and a plan. I have found it really makes a difference and gives a little clarity and thus enjoyment to what i am doing. It also helps to be writing about the experience.

Last night i set up my fundraising page. In the past i have done all the events for a charitable cause. some close to my heart, and some less so. This year i received a place for the marathon in the ballot, meaning i did not have to raise for charity if i didn't want too.

I've been aware in the past that if i kept doing the marathon every year, people would get a little ambivalent and jaded by my requests for sponsorship and fundraising. However , when i met Action on Addiction last year and saw all the work they do, i knew that i wanted to try and run for them and not only raise some funds but awareness too.

I shall discuss that more tomorrow, however as i stated my father died of alcoholism 2 years ago. Family members have the disease and i myself have it too. I have seen the destruction and fallout from it at close hand pretty much all my life. It's a silent killer that most people do not understand, see or want to know. But it is the 3rd biggest killer in the world. Action on Addiction is very close to my heart because of this.

However I get jaded by the constant charity requests, How do you choose them? How do you narrow it down without feeling guilty? How many times have i walked past the charity vendors on the street trying to stop you and get you to do a direct debit and been rude or just given them a friendly little shoulder barge.

I suppose you have to go with a personal experience. Either someone in your family has died or been affected by a disease or a condition and therefore it makes sense to give something back to that. It's all part of our human experience, and quite right and proper, Helps us to deal with it all i guess.

So for me, my two things that totally get me, make me cry and affect my heart are Alcoholism, what it does to people and families and Mental Illness. Having experienced psychiatric hospitals and people with mental illnesses, it breaks my heart. That's not to say that other things do not affect me, but those two things get me in the guts and make me feel like I've just watched Billy Elliot for 24 hours.

I have to say is was a bonus when i found out that Kate Middleton picked Action on Addiction as one of her charities to be a Patron. I can only think Pippa read my blog and had a word with her sister and told her to become a Patron so she could get an introduction to me. There is no other reason i can think of.

Oh yes, and did i mention Visions of Grandeur and Massive ego are classic signs of alcoholism? Good job I've got those in check!

Have great week. Up early doors tomorrow to grind out the early morning dark run before work. I am really looking forward to it. (Italics = Irony)

Nicholas Edward Evans

Day 7 - Sunday 8th January 2012

The Long One!Distance - 14 miles. Time - 2 hours. Conditions - Lovely. Weekly Mileage - 52 miles

Sundays are traditionally a day of rest, family, DIY, come downs, sport, Sunday lunch, papers, relaxation, hangovers, crap TV, worship, odd jobs, cross dressing or whatever it is that you do on days off. For marathon runners, it is usually a day of what is known in the trade as 'The Long One'.

The day where you have to put the miles in your legs to prepare you to be able to run 26.2miles. Most training programmes will advise you to run 20 miles at least 2 times before the big day and to gradually build up to this over a period of weeks. Most people attempting their first marathon will be horrified at this thought and there will be times when you think, "I can't possibly run for that long or far". How many times have people watched the marathon on TV and thought, 'I want to do that next year', and then promptly cram another Ginsters in their gob and forget about it.

The long one, is what separates the men from the boys in terms of marathon running. Don't do enough long runs and you will be the retard at the end like Charlie Sheen at the end of Platoon (apologies to retards BTW, no offence, i am merely being un PC) Do the long runs and you will be able to enjoy the amazing crowds and atmosphere of the last 6 miles and feel the emotion and energy of the crowd on the day.

The Long one for me looms over the week. It;s fine to do the shorter runs, to tell everyone 'i'm in training for the marathon you know', however it;s the long ones on Sunday that is always in the back of my mind.

Seeing as I've done 6 marathons i know what it's like and if I'm being honest there has been many a marathon i have entered knowing i haven't put the necessary mileage in and scrimped on the long ones. I have paid for that on the 20 mile point, particularly last year where i would have cheerfully kipped in the doorway of the strand after shooting my load so to speak at Canary Wharf. (sounds like a good night out)

The Long one is dull. It is long. It is, or has been, something to fear for me. The body and mind is tuned to go a certain distance. Physically you are generally able to keep running for around 2 hours before you need more fuel, energy to keep going. Mentally, just like anything else you need to practice the sheer mental discipline to keep moving and keep going for long periods of time.

Some like to run in a group, some like to run to music (I will have a little rant about that on another occasion as i think MP3's should be banned on marathon day - why plug into music and ignore the crowd and whole atmosphere of the day, it's almost like driving a car but in running form. Selfish!)  Some go out early morning so it is done and dusted early. Some later on, and some just kybosh the whole concept of the long one and end up the retard on marathon day and drop out (Peter Andre and Katie Price in 2008 anyone?)

Me, i usually like to get out early on a Sunday, as for me Sunday is the perfect day for the long one. Saturday is too busy, midweek, well it's too midweek. Sunday is a marker. The end of the week. The beginning of a new one. A Mythical, spiritual day and besides you can eat like a horse and veg out with the papers after the long run with a guilt free warm sense of knackered achievement.

And so to today. My goal? 12 miles to take me up to 50 miles for the week. I figured I'm not too worried about speed and technical advances (That is the real hard graft to increase speed, time and do so over a long distance - brutal) i just want to run loads and get miles in the legs and get my body used to running lots of miles and my head into the rhythm and discipline of running for 1-2 hours.

I left it until the afternoon, after a morning of Flood Street meeting action and tea with the boys, i got home and headed out at 3.30pm. I had decided on my route. I knew where i was going. No music. No distractions. Just me and the 'long one'.

I decided to try and look forward to it. To enjoy it and embrace it, Not dread it or drag myself around. The advantage of the long one, particularly in London is that if you choose the right route, you see so many different landmarks and flavours of London, it really makes the City and all of it's different offerings so fabulous.

Also the long one provides you with an opportunity to experience your body and mind in a different way. You will generally go through so many contrasting feelings. From 'wow look at that tree', to 'oh god I've got another 10 miles to go' , From ' i hate this' to 'i feel great'. The long one helps you to view your body and mind with a form of detachment that you simply don't get on shorter runs.

So off i went, feeling pretty relaxed. I ran at a pretty slow pace and here is why for me the 'Long one' is such a groovy thing. This is my route; Home, built up area, PutneySouthfields, Home. 14 miles, 2 hours and several different locations, atmospheres and areas. Brilliant.

I felt good though and was pleased to clock up 14 miles and could have gone allot longer, so this is a very good sign so early in the training programme.

One thing i thought was very funny happened in Richmond Park, on around the 10 mile point. I had been running for 1hour 15mins or so and was feeling strong. I kicked and felt i was running smooth and pretty quickly (for me) I heard footsteps behind me and i was overtaken by another runner who looked as if he was just trotting. He was going double the pace of me, but his strides were short and looked like he was going really slow. A crushing defeat in my perception that i was motoring. I had to go and find an OAP on a mobility scooter to overtake just to get the superiority feeling back and competitive juices flowing again (joke)

So that's the end of week 1. 52 miles. Ran 6 days out of 7. Written the blog every day and if I'm being honest I've really enjoyed doing it. (both running and writing) It has given me a new found focus and purpose to what i'm doing i have not had before and i am enjoying the process.

Thanks for all your posts and comments, keep them coming and spread the word. Bring on week 2. Track and 7 miles tomorrow along with a long slow rub down, but that's got nothing to do with the training. Yuk!

Tomorrow i shall explain the charity I'm doing it for and why. Something to do with addictions, not that i have many. Now what is the name of that specialist site I've been told about....ahem

Nicholas Edward Evans
xx