I spent the day with my best friends, their wives and young children at their new gaff in Marlow Bottom. I know it makes me chuckle too. Is there a typical 'Marlow Bottom'?. It's quite a genteel area, so a typical Marlow bottom i suppose would be pert and peachy. Good Waitrose diet and walks by the Thames. Different from a 'Llanelli Bottom', which would be more lunar and large. Bad Lidel diet and walks to the chippy, but i digress.
I saw in full 3D reality what it means to have lots of children under the age of 5.
In addition i received an email from another great pal who wants to run the London marathon next year for a cancer charity dear to her heart. She has 2 young kids, job, marriage and hectic life. She asked for help in a training programme, so i asked her to email me an itinerary of her 'average week', to target spaces in her diary to train.
I received it this morning. Fuck me, after reading it i was exhausted. How do you people with kids live?
Where do you have time for you, your partner, exercise, DVD's. Cinema, friends, running, shopping, Yoga, sex? Christ almighty i had to have a lie down. It was incredible. I've got it so easy. It's a wonder any of my married pals speak to me anymore, let alone read this blog.
Jesus, there's me moaning about how down I'm feeling, or my negative head, or being too busy, or queues in marks & Spencer or some meaningless Me Me Me crap, and there they are picking little Johnny up, dropping off at football practice, cooking tea, going to work, making packed lunch, stopping their kids eating plastic toys, making a living, running errands paying bills. My god - How do they do it? Respect.
I can barely manage clean underpants everyday let alone the rest of that stuff. What about all the attention from your wife being given to the kids and herself. Where would that leave ME in the pecking order? Oh no the thought of being shunted down the order is truly horrifying.
I had a great day though with my best friends and their kids. I was able to display my Uncle Nick routine, throwing kids around the trampoline, holding babies, feeding them cake before buggering off on my own to mong on the sofa and watch 'Place in the Sun'. Responsibilities over.
The only disappointment was that there were no women around to witness my tenderness with the kids to make their heart melt. I may have to borrow them to hang out at Starbucks on Sunday Morning on Kings Road. It's guaranteed to bag me some female attention. Maybe even more so than a dog. I mean a man with 3 young kids would make a woman's heart melt. I best have a word with my mates to see if i can borrow them for a few Sunday mornings this year. #Shallow. God, what if i had a dog also, I'd clean up. I'll work on that this year.
We had full on lunch with home made cauliflower cheese. In my opinion it's one of the 8th wonders of the world. We had good banter. The kids rather sweetly ate at a mini table and then we just hung out all afternoon. It's so quality to meet up with your old friends. I know we all move on in our own ways, i know people have children and of course their priorities change but you are still fundamentally the same people and if you have been friends for a long time you always retain that banter and kinship. I like it. I obviously can't tell the boys face to face because the unspoken male honour, pride and 'rules', But i love my old pals. The big bastards. Even if they did wear matching Red Dad hoodies that blended into the sofa.
I told the we boys if i won triple rollover i would sort them out so that they can get Nannies & quit work, not to make their life easier but so i can selfishly see more of them.
When the children started to cry and scream and get tired i knew it was my time to leave. I had great intentions to drop into to other friends but by now the clock was ticking on my exciting bachelor London life.
How would i use the freedom of being a single man about town?
Theatre, friends, clubbing, comedy club, Kestrel Spa? Nope. Mong on the sofa, Ryder Cup & Match of the Day for me. I'm just so rock and roll.
One final thought: What is it about Steve Ryder that all the top golfers play a tournament in his honour? I mean i know he's a smooth presenter and has the male equivalent of impressive Balding hair (Quiff birds nest) but is he really worthy of all that fuss?
Great day, boring night but for some reason just experiencing the kidsfest made me shattered. Brutal training in the morning and then Hinds Head triple cooked chips for lunch tomorrow. Nice
xx
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