I have loved feeling 'normal' and it makes such a huge difference. To revert back to my old self today felt dispiriting. The physical affects my mental and it all goes from there. Tomorrow i will try to change. I have to.
To make matters worse, the tan has faded. The party is well and truly over. Nuts.
Headline news today? Went to a party in the evening thrown by Gaucho polo at a swanky bar in Chelsea. This is how much I've changed. It was full of free cocktails, smart Sloane girls and a free bar all night. I felt uncomfortable. I was on my own. I felt grim and it took everything i had to actually go. I'm terrible for bailing out of things at the last minute.
Reason for going, well Gaucho have expressed an interest in doing Comedy Chops at their 02 restaurant, so i met the events manager. It's pretty exciting and could be great. I'll try not to screw it up and could be looking at doing 6 comedy nights there in 2013. The Chops expands. Bring it on!
I lasted 1 hour and couldn't wait to leave, get home, get into my pants and loll on the sofa. I know deep down I'm a dullard, but bars and Sloane's just don't interest me anymore. I would have been all over it a while back but now, for me bars, especially smart ones, are not for me. What a change.
I Was too tired to write my blog, so i settled down to watch Crazy Heart (class film) and then despite myself Love Actually.
It was at this point that i decided it was time to come out. To stop living a lie. To admit to myself and the world the truth. To stop pretending.
I officially like romantic comedies. There. I've said it. I've come out. God, that feels better. It's no longer a secret. No longer in the closet. I like them. I enjoy them.
Love Actually, When Harry Met Sally, Maid in Manhattan, Four weddings, What Goes in Vegas, all of them. Pure escapism and i really enjoy a good old chick flick. I mean i know Love Actually and Four Weddings are nauseating and pretty naff, they have Hugh Grant and John Hannah in them for Gods sake and Dido in the sound track, but despite all of that i like them. I can't help myself. No matter how much i deny myself and tell myself not to, i like them.
Dam does that affect my masculinity? My image? Does that make me weak? Am i gay?
I knew i was in trouble years ago (mostly after i stopped drinking) when i found myself crying at Rocky II. Then a Meg Ryan film. I didn't know what was happening to me. Then at various times on long distance flights I've found myself in floods of tears watching rom coms. Of course i blamed it on altitude but when a whole plane looks round at you for wailing loudly there's something going on.
I like them. They stir things up. Perhaps deep down I'm a soppy old romantic. Give me a good old love story and an emotional soundtrack and I'm a goner.
There is no shame in it. I am who i am. I mean don't get me wrong i like a class movie, i love French movies, i like brain dead blockbusters, action and yes, as most readers will know i have a passion for adult films of the more xxx variety.
But i also like Romantic ones too. I refuse to hide it anymore. I've come out. It's in the open. I watched Love Actually last night and i liked it.
My name is Nick.......and i like romantic comedies
End
xx
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