The Triple Cooked Chip
There are some things in this world that are just orgasmic. Orgasms being one of course. Multiple orgasms being another. They are truly multi orgasmic.
Then there is Liverpool FC winning football matches well, a glorious cover drive off a quick bowler, performing a task perfectly, An excellent book, your favourite spot, a 6 pack, an afternoon with good friends, a perfectly rolled joint (past), a superb piece of clothing at a bargain price, being proved right, Simon Cowell getting outed from his closet. There are so many things to choose from.
Today i experienced something that is multi orgasmic without making a mess in me pants. I still can't believe the world has existed for thousands of years until a bloke with glasses and an unpronounceable surname invented a new way of cooking a chip.
Heston Blumenthal came up with the triple cooked chip around 8 years ago from his lab kitchen in Bray and man do they f****g rock. I would travel for literally 26 miles (as i did today) to his Gastro Pub in Bray to eat those little beauties.
I Went with a dear pal and her 11 year old daughter for her birthday treat. I'd hyped it up for ages, we were talking about chips one day and i said 'oh my god you've got to try triple cooked ones. They are awesome.' And so when asked what she wanted to do for her birthday she said, 'triple cooked chips please'. The table was booked, The Hinds Head, Bray. One of Heston's Bray village empire. An old Gastro pub opposite his restaurant The Fat Duck Inn, which has a waiting list of around 48 years, so the pub is easier to get into.
We went for Sunday Lunch, which i found overrated and expensive. A roast is a roast. Unless of course you're an overpaid arrogant young Premier League footballer. Then it's something entirely different. Either way a Sunday Roast Dinner is good or bad. But it's a roast, nothing to get too excited by. I mean of course the Meat has to be tender and thick, the potatoes light and fluffy/crispy on the outside and the Yorkshire Pud enormous and light. The Veg should be plentiful and it should be satisfying and filling. However this was £21 for a Roast Beef lunch where the portions are meaner than Christian Grey, i found it slightly disappointing.
It certainly wasn't Llangeneth Rugby Club, Llanelli (£4.95 for eat as much as you possible can Carvery) - instead it was as expected really. All in his name.
But that was the expensive side show. It was all about the triple cooked chips today. I'd hyped it more than a world title fight. We ordered the grub and then finally, out they came 5 minutes after the meal. (that wasn't annoying) They looked amazing though. Light, crispy and better looking than Kate Moss at an orgy. Fatter than her too.
A light sprinkling of salt. Wait 2 minutes to cool down, pick up, bite. Crunch. Heaven. The exciting thing is that you can actually hear the crunch when biting in. Awesome. Then you get to the fluffy white potato inside and gulping it down is genuinely orgasmic. I think if i was on my own in my house I'd have a semi, and I'm not talking about a detached. I'm a foodie and they were proper good.
Boil, freeze, fry, freeze, fry. serve. Genius. What kind of lunatic is Blumenthal. A food scientist. A cubist of the kitchen (look up Cubism and you will understand why) deconstructing food, how it's cooked in order to create something new. It's only a chip FFS!! But the great British love affair with it was certainly kept alive today. The world is always a better place when an 11 year old is introduced to triple cooked chips. Thanks Heston.
They even bought out a birthday card from the kitchen which was signed by the Soux Chef and Assistant Manager. Hardly one for the scrapbook. So i faked Heston's signature so the little one can claim the man himself looked after her. Shameful (but fun)
It was all very inspirational. It made me appreciate the art of cooking and the craft work that went into designing it. He is like a food artist.
I'm getting rather peckish writing about it and the inspiration from Heston is brimming. Tuna. Tin. Open. Salad cream. Squirt. Eat. Bin. Simple.
I'm not that inspired!
xx
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I stumbled upon you on twitter and noticed the link to your blog. Congratulations on your recovery. You're at a perfect age to have 10 yrs sobriety. I'll have 24 yrs next month and turn 54 in November. My 40's were awesome!
ReplyDeleteI have never quite understood the British love affair with chips. It's hard to find a decent chip in America but I had a proper one when visiting family in Canada. They have genuine Englishmen running pubs in Canada. Hard to believe but it's true. The chips were okay but certainly not orgasmic. But then again I'm a woman and it takes more than a stiff chip to bring me to orgasm.
I believe I will follow your blog as I've found it rather entertaining. There is a lot of serious shit in the world and it's nice to read something lighthearted. I'm so glad you wrote what you did about Simon Cowell. I've thought the same thing for years!
Somehow you managed to bring an erection into a discussion about food! Please could you at least go one day on your occasionally entertaining blog without mentioning your cock, masturbation, having a shit, porn, porn shops, playing with yourself, semen, shitting yourself, farting, your physique, your biceps, did I say wanking? No wonder you haven't got a girlfriend!....Now then, when are you going to start doing a bit of volunteer work with the elderly? It might take you away from your self obsession. Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. Your writing is getting better.
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