The Inside Job : Day 256 - Tues 25th Sep

Today was a very special day. I accompanied my Mum back home to Llanelli, South Wales to clear the final remnants of Me Nan's house. The plan was to spend a bit of time together, clear the final few items before the house is sold next week.

It has been her house for 73 years. It's been in all of our lives all that time. The One real constant. It was one of the things she valued, was proud of and loved the most. Her home. Her nest. 14 Brymoor Road, Llanelli.

Since she died on 21st June i havent been back. In all honesty i havent been too sad, cut up, grieving. I feel her spirit, her presence, smoothing things, guiding me. It's strange but i really feel her presence in my faith. She was ill for a long time so in the end it was almost a relief. The grieving had been done. I still feel her presence so that is why i'm not sad.

So when we walked in to the empty house it was weird. Odd. The 1st time in my life she wasn't there to kiss and welcome. 1st time there was nothing in the fridge, kit kats in the kitchen or asked 'how was the journey. what time did you leave?' It was an empty house with just her chair in the living room.

Looks sad doesnt it? But you know what i actually wasn't. It was unpleasant at 1st as there are so many memories. But it wasn't a home. It wasn't her. It was bricks and mortar. A home is the person and the love and warmth. There was none in this house. She was in us. In the spirit so i didn't feel sad or weird. But i was gagging for cuppa though.

Then it was time to assist in duties. I was chief chauffeur. I'd even cleaned the car out from empty fag packets and diet coke bottles, shoved in some air fresheners and windowleaned the ultra smoking fug from the windscreen in readiness for the duties.

1st it was too the physio for Mum. Obviously in Llanelli it's cheaper, so instead of the usual £40 for 30 mins, i think it was around a tenner. Took ages to drop her off though, there was a massive build up of mobility scooters out the front.

This gave me 30 mins to myself which i used wisely. Hitting a cheap sunbed for 7 mins (when in Rome) at one of my favourite places in Llanelli. It used ot be self regulated sunbed parlour (8 beds), now they have a woman who looks like david dickenson's stunt double tending the shop. She's class.

Then it was into the market for some cooked meat. I had rissoles in my mind all day and now was my moment. It meant i heard the immortal words "Lamb and Mint Cariad or Corned Beef". Brilliant Cariad is welsh for 'love' 'darling', it's welsh affection and sounds so poetic and gorgeous when said in a broad welsh accent, so to have it wedged in the middle of a lamb and mint or corned beef rissole made me happy. Funny.

Then it was back to pick up the mother, then drop her at the solicitors. I waited in the car smoking out the window surveying a collection of people walk against the horizontal driving lane looking thoroughly pissed off in an empty town centre surrounded by pound shops. It was a thoroughly depressing scene.

This picked up somewhat as the next on the hit list was Asda Llanelli, which is the nerve center of the earth. i love it. We were off to buy a lottery ticket as it's the luckiest place in the country, probably because more people buy a ticket there. In the 1st 2 mins i saw 3 mobility scooters, 5 leggings, 3 polish blokes, 5 obese men, 4 teenage mothers and a bodybuilder. Classic Llanelli. One old boy on the scooter who was slightly deaf was having a loud conversation with someone on his mobile phone about who actually phoned each other.

Then it was time to visit Auntie Jean and Mel. Jean's birthday 76 today and another typical Welsh mother from the old school. A true tiny teak strong welsh matriarch, making everyone happy. Her 1st reaction on being bought flowers was 'you shouldn't have bothered.'. Then she made a storming cup of tea (a must when visiting relatives you DO NOT say no to a cuppa) and had a nice natter

Me and Auntie Jean (birthday girl)

After which it was time to hit our digs for the night. Apparently my Mum had said she's found a top little pub/B&B in countryside outside Llanelli. It was where we were going to be sharing a room for the first time since i was 6 months old in a cot. The place was a little beauty apparently. At least that's how she sold it to me. Tafa Ny Deri. Sounded so enchanting, so beautiful, so welsh and full of character.

Turns out the original features were glass conservatories and Everest double glazing.

No matter my Mum sold it well and the rooms were actually decent, though the thought of sharing made me revisit my nocturnal habits. 'Busty barmaids 8' on the laptop will have to go.

We had a fantastic night with my 2 lovely cousins, Andrea and Alison & old family friends Sue and Mart. Proper fun, as they would say in Llanelli 'headcases isn't it'. We laughed alot.

We were told the restaurant was good and the food 'one of the top 5 in Llanelli'. This concerns me and may explain why there is a huge obesity problem in the town.

The place itself is the sort of place that has table clothes under a sheet of glass and paper napkins. It has the air of transport cafe with leather sofas. I'm not being snobby it was a genuinely bizarre place.

The menu was huge with a massive choice of dishes. They had a three for one offer before 6.30pm, so it was heaving. It was all mixed grills, various forms of chicken (mostly the same but with a different spice sprinkled over it) and various breaded fishes with cream sources. There was actually very little healthy on the menu.

I settled on 'Salmon Extravaganza', only because I've never eaten anything called extravaganza. It had lava bread (Welsh Caviar) and cockles and a snot like sauce.

The waitress informed us there was no veg after 6.30pm. This caused confusion as we thought we weren't allowed veg after 6.30pm. My god how committed to carbs and obesity were they? Turns out they'd run out of veg (How can you run out of veg by 7pm?). We offered to nip out and get some frozen sprouts, but were offered unlimited visits to the salad bar instead of the usual allotted one.

The salad bar was most unusual, it had a massive visor around it which made it almost impossible to access. They also had crisps in it. Crisps in a salad bar? Classic. Very Llanelli.

Then the food arrived, looking distinctly 'Auntie posh'. You know the thing Aunties do to make Plaice and Chips look posh. Throw a sauce over it. Bizarre. They also came with More chips than i have ever seen.

Basically if you follow Paleo or Dukan you're fucked. They threw out the national nutrition recommendation of 30% carbohydrate and 70% protein and followed the 100% carb route. I should have guessed when they consider crisps a salad item.

Then it was time for desert, in Llanelli and South Wales most restaurants in pubs have the desert refrigerator. a vertical glass cabinet displaying cakes, gateaux, trifles and profiteroles. Another classic.

Luckily the place offered a desert menu with pictures. Images of the deserts. Not so much because they had unusual deserts that required visual assistance but i personally found it helpful to be shown what trifles, banoffee pie, lemon profiteroles and Chocolate cake look like.