Oh my god I'm 40. I woke up this morning and actually realised I'm 40. I think I've been on such a high over the past 10 days that i woke this morning with an almighty crash. I appear to be me again. Nuts
I have been on such an adrenaline rush and high over the past few days. I have had a ball. It started off with holiday and getting a proper massive tan. I love being tanned. I know I'm a vain bastard but i don't care. How many men actually admit to being vain? It takes ages for me to go shopping, all those bastard shop windows to glance at your reflection. It's a nightmare.
Holiday meant no diet coke, sugar and uber healthy diet. Running every day, sleeping and feeling good. I came back well tanned up and i know this is going to make me sound like a proper twat but i looked really good. Now i come from a position of being 15-16 stone throughout my 20's. Being a really chubby little kid with bigger knockers than Jordan at school. So for me it's still rather a novelty to look good. I like it.
When i was away the Tesco mobile advert was screened on National TV. This meant i was inundated with messages from people saying they'd seen me, posting pics of it on Facebook. Oh my god it was all about me. Attention. Whilst i coolly try to make it look as if attention is no big deal to me, secretly deep down of course it is. A dreadful part of me i admit, but real none the less. This of course fed it.
Then i got back and it was straight into my 40th birthday. A family occasion and i got more attention and gifts and love. Me.
Then it was straight into my comedy night, where i got to talk about ME, more. Doing 40th birthday gags and more about Me.
Then in case all of that attention and Me ism wasn't enough, it was my party. Pub Idle. Just to generate more attention i got to dress up as Elvis, hire a band, sing and then compere a singing competition. Fuck loads of attention and of course as party host for the night it really was all about me. Though weirdly felt rather humbled on the night. Even i was getting bored of me at the end.
Then for a few days after you dine off the energy, love, adrenaline and memory of that night. Looking through the endless pictures of ME, watching the videos, checking all my cards and gifts and generally feeling pretty dam amazing. It helps of course to hear people saying what an amazing party and how good a time they had. This all adds to the general high of course. Then came meeting Clare Balding and BOOM. It just carried on.
The health & vitality was still alive for a few days after. The Tan was holding up. I was even using facial scrub and moisturiser for fucks sake (apparently it prolongs the tan. A little like stay hard cream for your cock, just a different ingredient. I hope i don't get them mixed up)
Can life be like this all the time please? Can i bottle this and roll it out forever?
Then today, i woke up, time to work, low energy. A chill in the air, slightly dark. Reality. Boom.
The messages have gone, the applause has died down. It's no longer all about ME. How disappointing. The world is now getting on with it's business. My turn too.
I call people to thank them for coming on Saturday whilst secretly doing it so i can hear them saying how cool it was and amazing i was etc etc - it's pathetic fishing really and they saw through that. 'I'm not being funny Nick it was a good party but i got 2 screaming kids here and a running bath. I love you but move along and fuck off'.
The endless re running of videos until 3am, the studying of photos. The memories. Even the people who recognised me off the advert have said 'i recognise you on the advert', they're not going to say it again. This has forced me to go to new meetings i haven't been to for ages to see some old familiar faces in the forlorn hope they'll go 'did i see you on the tellie?'. The lengths people will go for attention seeking. Sad. I may aswell apply for Big Brother!
Today the head started again too. That annoying negative niggle, which has been quiet for a few days. I am definately coming back.
I hope the past 2 weeks haven't been like my Olympics. You know that 2 week golden period where everything was amazing, wonderful, positive, adrenaline fuelled, where you talked to strangers on tubes, plotted the future, thought anything was possible and then, as soon as it ended, you were back to normal. 'Why are you talking to me on the tube? 'I think I'll put off climbing Everest until next year. I hate Boris Johnson'. Lets hope mine isn't similar.
I think vanity is a terrible trait in a man. Certainly women are put off by it. Naval gazing, self obsession, self centredness are all character traits that i don't particularly care for. I was only telling myself that in the mirror tonight before bed, as i put on my Clinique Face Mask and watched Pub Idle 2,3 and 4 on a loop until 3am.
It made me giggle that Bett Midler quote. "anyway enough about me. Lets talk about you. What do you think of me?"
Back to normal tomorrow readers.
xx
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