Well today was one of those. I think in the terms of weirdness it's definately up there.
It somewhat matches snogging a supermodel whilst being more preoccupied with an ex girlfriend dumping me by text from a mental hospital, or picking a fight with a comedian in Balham train station dressed as Jesus. Even getting assaulted by a large girl in a Chip shop with a Saveloy couldn't trump this one. It was genuinely odd.
Today's blog is quite long but bare with me, the end bit is well worth hanging on for;
Candida
Before this, let me just tell you about the day. I woke feeling crappy, candida etc so i vowed to stop diet coke today (which i managed to do, my 1st full 24 hours in UK in months without the dreadful stuff)
Working
Ground out a days work in Essex, I do 1 day a week, but they are proper lovely people and a smashing set of people. I don't know much about Manned guarding and Security Services but i do know they are all quality people and it's a pleasure to spend a day in their company. Genuine people tend to operate genuine companies and they do a solid job. I like that. Plus they eat doughnuts all day long which makes me laugh. it's like Fat Sweaty Coppers in the Fast show.
Article on Website
I had my first article published (unpaid unless it gets read by loads of people). On www.dontmindlife.co.uk - I don't mind saying it gave me quite a buzz. It looks the part. Even if it is just a free website. I chose my 1st article from an entry i wrote for this blog back in April. It's called 'How to Get Sober and Deal With Alcoholism'. It's a bit risky as it pretty much goes against the traditions of a fellowship i attend to help me stay sober and live life. Tricky
Moral dilema
I was torn. Do i publish and let it all hang out, so people can judge for themselves. What if someone reads it and it helps them? What if it allows them to go to a fellowship? What if it acts as subtle PR thing? What if it frees people up to identify with my story and tread the same path?
But then again, who am i to publicise an anonymous fellowship? It's done just fine for nearly 100 years so who the hell am i to blow it open? I don't want to be one of those ego maniacs that love the sound of their own voice and shout recovery from the rooftops. Nauseating.
I don't want it to be that i use recovery as something to write about because i haven't got anything else. I certainly don't want to profit out of it, as i hate counsellors, therapists and rehab centres who profit from other peoples problems.
I guess in the end i have to find guidance from the wise owls and follow advice. They will say you need to live by example not shout about it, that puts people off, not benefit from it, that puts people off, not use it as an interesting subject because you are not interesting, that puts people off.
I committed to this blog as a truthful exercise and i published the article because it felt true to me. It felt real, from the heart, like i think and speak. It was me on the page. I wasn't promoting anything, not selling anything, not talking about other people. It was my own thoughts and experience. If i had those in college or work then i would write about it freely. I am a member of a fellowship and that's just what i do. So why do i need to tailor it? It's me. It's as natural to me as cleaning my teeth, I hope i continue to do it, but if i don't and go back to drinking it will not be the fellowships fault, it will be mine.
Anyway onto the odd events of tonight;
The Party
Invited to a party at a pals lovely penthouse gaff in putney. His wife is Norwegian and her 2nd cousin is a Norwegian Concert Pianist and Comedian. What followed was something beautiful. The first time i have ever heard live and close up a genius classical pianist at work. It was awe inspiring and powerful. Each piece was a story in itself and he delivered it between funky comedy and stories in a delightfully Leary suit. It was magical. I am sold on classical music.
Grace Jones - Yes Really Grace Jones
So the party was winding down. My pal came over to say goodbye and showed a picture of him and Grace Jones. I said "when did you get that taken?" He said, "1 minute ago she's over there." I turned round and fuck my old boots, there was Grace Jones in the corner drinking champagne surrounded by people. What the f*** was she doing here?
Turns out she lives downstairs and knows my pals wife. They invited her and up she came. Grace f*** Jones, in a hat, heels, tight strides tucking into the Champers. In Putney. WTF???!!!
People were leaving, and she looked like she was about to. I had to get a pic and asked her. "OOOOHHH fit boy. you work out. Get down and give me 50. Boy" was the reply. "I am going downstairs to get my new album. Stay here. I'll be back." She barked, "Er OK Grace." I replied.
10 minutes later she was back and playing her new album loudly. "It's African voodoo theme and will exorcise you." She slurred whilst dancing around. Suddenly i felt distinctly nervous. I hate dancing at the best of times let alone with Grace F*** Jones.
She hid from people trying to video her, saying she wasn't make up ready. So after 5 minutes i bided my time and then said, "Come on Grace are you ready. Lets have a pic." She tottered over and started to button up her jacket. I said, "Don't hide away Grace. Grace Jones doesn't button up. Lets see you."
At which point she pulled her top down exposing her red bra and pranced around. She was a handful, if you catch my drift.
Snatch
She was prancing around saying "Gracey never hides, Look at all of me darlings". "You can see my little Hitler." I said "you've never got a Hitler.Show me". At which point she said "Yes i have darling" pulled down her trousers and flashed her snatch.
Did that really happen in the middle of a living room with 12 people? Did Grace Jones really just flash me her snatch? I'm pretty sure i wasn't pissed on LSD or dreaming. I think Grace Jones just showed me her 'Hitler'.
We posed and had the picture taken (snatch was now hidden) then she pranced around more, slugging Champagne having pics with everyone. I was pretty speechless and left soon after in a sort of mute numb state of shock. It was 10 to midnight. I just made Grace Jones flash her snatch at me. That never happened when i was drinking. Definately one for the CV.
I reckon if i would have stayed around she would definately had tried to eat me. She's 64, mad as a box of Frogs, completely unique and scary as fuck.
From a Security company in Highams Park Essex to Grace Jones' snatch. Who said sobriety is boring?
Thanks for reading bloggers and yes it really did happen.
Me
x
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