Day 241 - Monday 10th September - Back to Reality

Oh fuck me no. It's that thing we all hate. That thing we try to avoid at all costs. That thing that makes life so unbelievably dull. Yes it's reality people. With a capital R. Bugger, tits, wank and double tits. It's cloudy, the sun has gone. Autumn is here, the kids are back at school, the party is most definately over. Reality bites. Monday morning. Triple tits, but i'm still buzzing.

I woke with a slight hint of chirp about me. Not even the soul destroying seminar on 'how to get back into work' at the Job Centre Plus could knock it this morning. Why do they call them Job Centre Plus? I mean it's a cross between a Jeremy Kyle set and Sports Direct, How pikey must a normal Job Centre be? If the 'Plus' is the luxury centre then the normal one must be like Centreparks on Tramadol. Scary.

The seminar was very helpful though, pointing out useful tips like 'get a CV' and 'be available to work' and 'try to have an email address that's not rude'. So pleased i attended.

There were 12 of us, 6 Indians more interested in the contents of their carrier bags. 4 people just looked like they couldn't wait for the bookies to open and then me and another bloke who were clearly above all this and doing our best to retain some semblance of pride.

It was of course a charade to tick a box, though to a man i know we were all thinking 'just give us our money and let us fuck off'. By the looks of it around 85% of the people had no intention of working nor did they want to and i include the Job Centre staff in that.

It's an odd place and conveniently the Job Centre Plus in Hounslow is wedged in between a Yates Wine Lodge and Betfair bookies. That's Just teasing? They may aswell set up a direct debit for people's JSA straight into those two gaffs. Cut out the middle man. The Government and you the tax payer are effectively funding Yates and Betfair. I'd have a word if i was you.

Then i actually had to do some  work from home, go to the gym for a hard ass workout and then to train my lovely Fleur over in Borough. Finally i rounded off the day with a superb meeting in Rooting Tooting, followed by a curry with a couple of pals. Decent day, but where does the time go? How can anyone possibly fit in a full time job? Oh yes that's why I'm signing on.

Three things made me chuckle today.

1 - I saw the video of Pub Idle. Very funny, it made me laugh

2 - Apparently people were sharing about it in a meeting, which means it must have been a good party.

3 - I also heard that a woman who came along who i have never met or know, copped off with the random bloke who just lurked about all night dressed as a bus driver who i'd never met or knew. I actually thought he was a parking warden and wondered who he was, turns out he was a random bloke called Dave, who was a tour bus driver who popped in the boozer for a quiet pint after work at 5pm, thought 'fuck me this band and party looks fun', and ended staying all night. Nobody knew who he was and he ended up copping off with a woman who nobody knew who she was. Perfect! Better than X Factor.

See Pub Idle does that. Who knows if they get hitched we may all get invited and recreate the evening all over again. I love it. It's like something from Viz and I'm so pleased Random bloke was called Dave. Any other name just wouldn't have done.

So here's to random bloke and random woman. Kind of sweet isn't it? Met at a pub party pissed up with a man in a babygrow suit, a skinny bloke in an Elvis jumpsuit and a collection of drunk people dressed as pop stars. There's only one way that relationship's going....Yates Wine Lodge. Bring it on people!

xx