The final day of the holiday. Flying early tomorrow morning so it's the last chance to fry up and get the ultimate. That's moving from a 'Dickinson' to a 'Hamilton'. Only the very few reach this mythical tan status but i reckon I'm in with a shot.
The last day is of course spent going over the previous few days, listing what you have done, going through the photos and deleting the ones of you don't like. Shame really as i miss the whole going to Boots and getting your film processed and waiting to see how the pics look. Quickly going through the 'scenic' shots before getting to the ones of you. It sort of elongated that holiday feel even more. Digital photogrpahy has killed that and now you can edit your own holiday to make it look even better. Then of course you turn your attention to all the crappy stuff you left behind and the reason you went away in the first place. It's that little thing called reality and it's a pain.
All good things come to an end, and the final day of a holiday is always a bittersweet day. You have now become used to and take for granted waking up to blazing sunshine. You haven't needed to make your bed, cook, drive, worry about public transport, field calls, work, put on a coat, watch TV or indeed worry what day it is.
It's an odd concept. Holiday time. At home we are defined by the days and time. Monday is start of week and shit, Tuesday is a sort of nothing day. Like the weekly equivalent of Nick Clegg. Weds is totally neutral a bit like Switzerland really, Thursday is more like it, the new Friday apparently. Then Friday is Friday. No point doing much work, it's essentially the weekend, then of course you have the weekend Saturday and Sunday. Where you either fix shit, do shit, drink shit or chill.
But on holiday of course none of this matters. Every day merges into one. There is no concept of time or days. They all look the same, the weather is the same, the restaurants are the same. You have no appointments, no meetings, no TV shows. It's great and relaxing of course, Your only real decisions to make are beach or pool. You can tell it's a different day by how much of your book you've read. If I'm honest i love that feeling different days give you and doing the same holiday thing day in day out whilst very lovely, makes me a little mentally flabby.
Don't get me wrong i love being in the sun and being on holiday but if i hear one more Macarana or MC getting the party going I'm gunna fucking blow! The resort is lovely but it's full of people. I mean they're great and of course it's all about the 10 year old having fun but occasionally just a bit of peace would suffice. God this is where the ungrateful Nick rears his head.
I've had an insight into what it's like to have kids. You're life is dedicated to them and providing them with the environment to have fun, so you hang out with other parents in the same position & go to 'family' resorts. Kids meet kids on holiday and it's great for them, gives the parents a rest bite & is all part of it. I mean i try to be good and selfless and everything but sometimes i crave a power wank in the morning and a day of no screaming, water polo by the pool, 'Macarana', beach aerobics, buffet lunch, water slide competition and evening show. 2 weeks of that and i genuinely believe you may see a spree killing. Not sure I'm ready for the whole children thing yet.
Today's highlight was most certainly taking young un out for her 1st ever jet ski ride. Whilst it was Great fun i hadn't driven one for 14 years and had a 10 year old clinging on so i drove like a girl. I remarked to the bloke that it felt a 'little heavy on the left stearing', so he proceeded to do stunts and throw it around like it should be, laughed in my face and said 'no'. The Turks spent the next 10 mins in the boat back to shore speaking Turkish and laughing loudly, looking in my direction. I was Humiliated on a jet ski, but at least the 10 year old didn't notice, and hey i hit maximum speed a few times!
The other pleasing thing today was the spotting of God several times. He looks so much like the Christian cliched image I've decided it is him. He wears a loud Hawaiian shirt every day, cargo shorts and flip flops, massive white beard and long white hair. He rarely speaks and just pops up around the resort.
Today God was out on a pedlo, tucked into Beef fajitas and apple sponge for dinner, shopped at the resort jewellers for what looked suspiciously like bling and listened to the easy listening cover band with a cup of tea and a cigar. Brilliant.
It makes sense to me, i mean if God was to go on holiday i reckon he'd pick an all inclusive to totally chill. He has alot of pressure every day so Club Letoonia in Turkey is the perfect place. He doesn't have to cook, worry about paying for anything, he has all the entertainment laid on and can just switch off. He's probably left Simon Cowell in charge whilst he recharges.
If you think about it, there's been a full moon, which he probably arranged to give stunning night scenes, weather's been perfect every day and he's also in the massive suite over looking the sea. Probably got a free upgrade because he arranged a mess up with his rooms. 'you lucky thing they've upgraded you to the $1000 a day suite for free. How did you swing that?' He just shrugged. Humble see.
No, it's definately God no question, though I've let him be. Like Rod Stewart last thing God needs is people coming up to him bothering him for autographs & things like 'what's my future looking like' and 'can you bring back Woolworths'. Let him be and chill. He's on holiday.
My last night was spent basically wanting to go to bed. So knackered today. I feel tons better than when i arrived but my sodding Candida is still with me and sometimes i get so fatigued. managed to last until 11pm before heading to bed. Christ i really am middle aged rock and roll.
Fly back tomorrow and it's straight into my 40th birthday on Tuesday, comedy on Thursday and my party on Saturday. Officially Middle aged this week. Well i think i hit that tonight when a 10 year old stayed out later than me. Jim Morrison, Jimmy Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain. Can you hear me? I'm so sorry. I've let you down. I'm going to have to start dressing like Clarkson now and be done with it. Pass me the Homebase glue gun people. Looks like I'm going to need it, just haven't quite worked out what for yet. DIY, Sniff or Suicide. I'll decide in the morning
xx
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