Day 239 - Sat 8th Sep - PUB IDLE 2012

Pub Idle 3 - 2012

Today's blog is pretty long readers but i wanted to try and mention everyone who contributed.

I really don't know where to start. The most amazing night. Incredible turn out. Friends, family, fellowship. I am genuinely humbled, truly grateful and very emotional by how many quality people i have in my life. It really was a great party, lots of fun and full of love and laughter. What more can you really ask for? Thank you everyone who came, participated, watched, danced, sang, gave me gifts, cards and it is a moment i will cherish. Just a shame i can't have nights like that at least 5 times a week!

I never imagined turning 40 would be so much fun. i guess it is a landmark birthday and one to make a fuss of but never in my wildest dreams could i imagine how many people (real people, proper people) would come and enjoy. A lovely life moment and one to savour i think. And a fucking good party!

I actually woke up in fear. Fear of singing. Fear of making a tool of myself. Fear of nobody showing. Fear of everything. I seem to be a bit of a worrier, usually for no reason. I think it's in my DNA

I wasted the morning going around Tooting market looking for more Elvis stuff, then i sang in the car for couple of hours in traffic, practicing. I actually started shaking with nerves like i had Parkinson's. Maybe i should have sang 'All Shook up' instead of 'Burning Love'?

I did pick up my Elvis suit though from the wonderful Yas. Fuck me how good a job has that girl done? Tailored it so that it is skin tight and it looks totally superb. Well chuffed. I will feel and look the part. £34 from Amazon, £10 white slip ons from Hounslow and £3 shades from a joke shop. Elvis was done for under a nifty. Bonus.

I got home at lunchtime and decided a good 55 minute run along the Thames would help, i sweated like Elvis on the khazi after a Lamb Bhuna, listened to the King on the Ipod and generally relaxed. That is why running is good. It gives me open space, a chance to relax my mind and have a good sweat. Like I'm purging myself of the crappy self induced thinking.

I then sat in the sun and read the paper. I decided i needed to rekindle the Dickinson tan after 5 days back home ready for tonight. I mean if you're wearing a white jumpsuit you have to go mahogany skinned right? Well i do anyway.

Then it was time to 'Elvis' up. Up the quiff went, hair spraying it so that it would remain fixed even in a Tsunami. I had tasked Sarah and mini to do my hair. So they sprayed it pitch black with what looked suspiciously like the stuff you spray on your bumper to hide scratches. Hope it comes off. Then my eyebrows were blackened up with mascara. When i looked in the mirror i nearly died. Who was it looking back at me? A rapist?

Wasn't sure if it was Elvis or Sly Stallone after plastic surgery & 2 strokes staring back at me. Scary! I know what people feel like after bad cosmetic surgery now. Weird. It just wasn't me. Though i guess thats the idea.

Then it was time to hit the pub. The Hurlingham pub & Dining room. The place i do comedy. The only venue to have really, as i it's got a cool 'living room' vibe. i had the front of the pub packed with sofas so people could chill, talk and eat, then the 'dining room', where we had sofas and stools and coffee tables, where the band and stage would be and a massive projector screen to play the movie and embarrassing pics of me on a CD from stages of my life put together by my magnificent Mum. Sweet.

It was all set. Everything was ready. The band were set up, a professional rig, they were loud, the venue was decked out, we were ready to roll.

I told people to arrive from 8 to 8.30pm and 8.20pm there were 9 people. 8 from the band and me. Worried.

It was at this point i decided not to be worried and to let go and enjoy myself. I needn't have worried.

What followed over the next few hours was nothing short of epic. Here's what happened from my eyes;

First to arrive my Mum and John, dressed as my Personal Trainers, complete with 'team Nick' sown on their backs, cigarettes poking out of their headbands and a 'survival kit' including scotch eggs and gum. Superb.

Then it was Kerry Palin and boyfriend. All the way from Derbyshire. Legends. Her man hates fancy dress and it was the first time he did it. Coming as The firestarter, Keith Flint. he totally dominated and was exactly the reason we created Pub Idle, He was sold on it and had a top time. I bet he does fancy dress all the time now. We've turned him. Pub Idle does that.

Then the flow started, all my old mates headed in, Elliot Matthews as a rampantly homosexual Jimmy Saville minus wig. Dan Smith superbly dressed as Robin in the spirit of randomness, Ben Keane as Brian Ferry or was that Manuel? Matt Cooper as a brilliant Simon Cowell complete with trousers circling his ears. His Missus Treena a lovely Adele, looking beautiful.

Then we had my Amy Winehouse x2, Madonna, Suzy Sue, Tina Turner, Annie Lennox, Cher, Bob Marley.

My lovely oldest girly pals, Sue, Kate, Ciara and Mandy came as the Beatles complete with 60's mop tops and suits. Brilliant. Kate was 9 months pregnant though looked much better than the real McArtney.

Sarah came as Cher, looking slinky and her lovely daughter Phoebe as Avril Laverne. Her 1st proper fancy dress party and she had laid out her outfit for days in excitement. Splendid!

My bro Rob, Elaine and my lovely 11 year old niece Jade drove all the way down from Liverpool to be there. Touching.

My other lovely niece, Nadia came as Amy Winehouse and got stuck into the Pink Champagne and Tequila. Well in character.

TV Burge came as Louis Walsh, Karl Matthews as baby Gagga. Sweating up like Gary Glitter at a nursery. Funny.

Yasmin, creator extraordinaire of the Elvis suit came in a leopard print catsuit as rapper Nick Minaj. Smoking! Bringing her gang of Amy, Chery Cole, Jimi Hendrix, Annie Lennox. Go girls!

My godmother Jan and her man Mark joined in too, but the outstanding couple and eventual winners of best dressed were the magnificent Donna and Paul who came as The Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Genius and very very funny. If Carlsberg did party guests.......

Lots of my fellowship friends also turned up. It was great to see everyone and a fab mix. I got some magnificent presents, lots of cards and felt deeply touched. (sounds pervy but you know what i mean)

The band started at 9pm and they were totally awesome just as i knew they'd be, The room was full, atmosphere buzzing and everyone was asking why is Elvis dressed in skinny jeans, flip flops and leather jacket? I had a cunning plan.

TV Burge had made the 2 movies we showed at Pub Idle 2 and 3 in 2003 and 2004. Rocky and Sabotage. They are awesome and i thought it was selfish for him and Cooper to go off get married and have children so they have no time to make new films. Bang out of order if you ask me, so the plan was to show Sabotage on the big screen to open Pub idle 2012.

I introduced the film, then i had 6 minutes to hot foot it upstairs to slip on the jumpsuit and slide down the back stairs into the garden and wait for the band to kick into Burning Love at the end of the film ready for me to make my big entrance.

Now jumpsuits are not for everyone. Elvis wore one for the last 8 years of his performances even when he became fatter than Pavaroti, so it became something of a joke. a cliche. If you're going as Elvis you hire an oversize jumpsuit, bang on the shades and curl your lip and you're Elvis.

Now this may not be a surprise to anyone but i actually like a jumpsuit and when he started wearing them in 1969 and 70 when he was in shape and lets face it beautiful. It looked class man. Not so much when you're weighing in at 23 stone and in need of a girdle and nappy. But certainly when you;'re in shape.

I maybe 40 but i'm in decent shape so what better thing to do than slip into a skin tight jumpsuit and strut around like a peacock ponce? Fuck it, it's not as if i can wear it to work or Asda is it? Though i may go and sign on in it on Monday. 'And what work are you looking for Mr Evans?' 'Well it's kind of specialist really'.

Something weird happens when you slip on a jumpsuit. You basically turn into a total beast. You cease to be you and can perform all kinds of crazy moves, poses and groin thrusts you just couldn't do in your joggers. I should imagine a catsuit would have the same effect on a woman. Either that or the young lead singer of The Carnaby's. I saw all the girls swooning.

I waited in the garden. Nervous but excited. I'm not a singer but i would have loved to be and this was my chance to indulge myself on my birthday and deliver a couple of Elvis songs.

The band kicked off, in i went, everyone went nuts, i posed like a proper ponce i am and launched straight into Burning Love. For someone who doesn't really sing i nailed it and had a great time. It was real fun.

Then it was Suspicious Minds and i just about got through that and Pub Idle 2012 was underway. Everyone was getting into it. I think some people who turned up hating fancy dress and karaoke were a bit surprised as it was a proper tongue in cheek laugh but decent entertainment.

Then we had the competition, The judges with Cooper as Simon Cowell was a legend, Very funny playing the bastard bad guy v well. Burge as Louis Walsh also covered himself in glory and provided some great lines and even slipped into an abstract Father Ted at the drop of a hat and Karl Matthews as baby Gagga was just plain weird. We like that at Pub Idle.

Then the acts. Gambers pulled off a superb 'Thats Entertainment' as the Modfather, Sue and the girls murdered 'Twist & Shout' as the Fab 4 but provided top entertainment, Nadia did a great 'Valerie' as Amy though she was so pissed she forgot to actually sing into the mic. Then the beast, the big man Stu brought it home with 'paranoid' by Ozzie Osbourne.

The crowd voted and straight from compering a music festival to 5,000 people in the day, Stu won with a magnificent Ozzie. What a legend. Stuart Carter was crowned Pub Idle 2012, winning a trophy, champagne and packet of nuts. Legend.

Then the band cracked on and did a 90 min kick ass set of proper old school rock and funk. They were superb and everyone had a dam good time. Lots of dancing, merriment and i pulled some shapes that hadn't even been invented yet. A Jumpsuit certainly helps you cut loose on the dance floor.

They finished at 11.30pm and you could tell it was a sober persons party because it pretty much got to midnight and most people drifted off. No matter i was buzzing and I'm pretty sure everyone had a good night. Of course the few committed drinkers stayed on jumping around until we were all kicked out at 1.30am. I could have gone on all night. i was like Elvis on Viagra. Man was i 'up'.

Pub Idle is not just a party it's a philosophy. Not to take yourself too seriously, provide quality entertainment, fun, good music and dry roasted peanuts. It's about getting in the spirit of something and leave people buzzing and leaving a party wanting more and on a real 'up'. It's about love, fun, friendship and the pub. I think that was achieved tonight.

I obviously stayed up until 5 as i was completely wired but reflecting it was a fab party and there was alot of love and fun there. A Beautiful evening. i guess sometimes I'm guilty of being self obsessed down on myself and shut love off. I find it hard to accept it sometimes and i isolate myself physically and emotionally.

But as tonight showed me i have truly awesome friends and am well loved by lots of people. It is most definately time i started listening to that and not the negative. Pub Idle 2012 totally rocked as did everyone who took part. You are special people, weird that if i put 'needs' in that sentence it becomes insulting. I love the English language and construction of sentences.

So that's it - The Trilogy of 40th celebrations is over. It's done. Reality beckons. My god what a scary thought, i think i need to start planning Pub Idle 5 - 2013. I know who I'm coming as. Do you?

 

Thank you very much. Elvis has left the building

xx