Day 346 - Weds 26th Dec - Boxing Day - Crisis at Xmas!

Boxing day is pretty pointless isn't it? Talk about after the lord mayors show. The glory day is over. Everyone had enough of family and eating and now it's time to visit yet more family and try to summon the enthusiasm for Xmas celebrations.

Today was really busy on the roads. Loads of people going to Westfield. Fuck me, the shops were shut for 24 hours and everyone is itching to get back out and spend again. The frenzy of Xmas buying is no sooner ended than people are eager for more in the sales. It's obscene.

Shopping online on Xmas day? What the fuck. Now people were queueing overnight for the shops to open at 6am. Police were called to shopping malls to handle the crush of people. What the fuck is wrong with us? Do we not have better things to do? Do we really need anything more after Christmas? It's fucking ridiculous. Do we need stuff that badly? Do we really need to save 30%? is 24 hours away from shopping too much? Consumer sheep the lot of em! Makes me sad.

I get that being couped up all day eating and drinking and feeling shit means you want to get out. Put replace that with being in a packed shopping centre, queuing in the car, then at the shop, then at the till with other people feeling the same as a day to celebrate the festive period. We really have lost our way here haven't we? Fuck me, the shops will stop at anything to drum up trade. I understand shopping is a release, a relaxation, a leisure pursuit. Buying stuff makes you feel good. Getting a bargain is an adrenaline surge - but fuck me people let's see through the multi million corporate retailers. They are treating us like sheep. We're better than that. Surely?

Apart from me ranting about moronic consumer sales sheep. Today was all about Crisis at Xmas. Oh god I've turned into one of those middle class boneheads who volunteers 4 hours of his precious selfish time to help out the homeless, develops a conscience and feels morally superior to the rest of society until it wears off and he goes back to being a materialistic consumerist selfish hypocritical cunt. Hate those people. Hello Nick.

Yes this afternoon I was at Crisis. I gave up 4 hours of my precious time (reluctantly) in order to do a good turn. Obviously my head was in full motion in the morning. "Bad back, man flu, leg hurts, you did you're bit yesterday. Cancel. There will be plenty of other people." It was trying to talk me out of it. Just like it does for most things. i told it to shit up and on I went. What the fuck is 4 hours?

Now for any overseas readers we have people in this country called 'homeless'. That's people without homes. Most of them are viewed upon by society, particularly ones who read the Daily Mail, as idle alcoholic scum who can;t be bothered getting a job. They are looked down on and have a lower social standing in this country than Tory MP's.

Crisis is a charity that supports the homeless and at Christmas over 5 days, sources 8 venues (my one was Hammersmith College) and provides shelter, facilities, food, entertainment, clothes, hairdressing, medical, music, support and advice to people who don''t have access to that throughout the year.

I was part of the team of volunteers from AA who go in for the afternoon, speak to people if they have a problem with alcohol and pass on any help you can. There is also a meeting if people want to come, in truth hardly anyone does but if you can plant the seed that there is a place to go to stop drinking then it would have done it's job.

We had a stall with a bowl of Quality Street, presumably as a bargaining tool to get some people over. In truth we would have been better served with a load of cans of special brew, but that would have been appropriate.

Most of the old school hardcore homeless are years into drinking problems and don;t want any help on that score. it's damage limitation and just a question of how long they can last. Some keep going for years, institutionalised just like my father. Death will come to them eventually. Just a matter of when. It's pretty heart breaking to see but not a thing you can do. I chatted to a couple of the old boys, one of which clad all in red. His name was Jim, although he said he was Santa. He had a huge swollen leg and when i asked him how he got it, he said 'Fell down the chimney'. I love the macabre humour of the real alcoholic. Again it reminded me of my Father as did Jim's ever so slightly arrogant nature. Only true alcoholics can look down on people from the gutter.

I got talking to a few of the 'clients'. One guy had a wicked pair of cowboy boots on. We gravitated towards each other as i was wearing mine. His were better and more expensive. topped off with a yellow suit and silver tie. People outside of convention really cut loose and i admire it very much.

I'd rather have been speaking to him than with the plankton in Westfield. Cunts.

I spoke to a guy who lived in car park and did TV extra work. He started telling me about the history of kilts and how we are all being brainwashed by X Factor. he had a point.

It made me think how little I know. How valid people who are homeless are. Just because of their look or circumstance doesn't mean to say they are not clever, or funny or real. They are humans just like the rest of us. It made me see that today. I mean don't get me wrong some are hardened alcoholics and don't want help. Some are mentally ill and need help. Some are perfectly normal people who have taken wrong turns. Some are genius.

It's bollocks and condescending for me to say that though. Who the fuck am I to provide social commentary on the homeless because I did 4 hours. Is this the point where I'm supposed to say how much it made me realise how lucky I am? How grateful I am?

All I thought was talk and learn. We are all the same. Just that my clothes are clean and his were not. And what does it matter if you've got a new car. That's on HP anyway. So you work 5 days a week in an office to pay for the home, car and trips to Westfield? Whoop fucking doo. Does that make us part of life? Superior? More knowledgable. I didn't. I felt humbled. I felt less than in fact. That I dare moan and botch and complain about me and my life. In some way I felt ashamed.

In some ways the homeless tell the real truth, They are the real heroes. Living outside of convention. Not being part of the 18 million sheep watching the X factor final. I can learn lessons from everyone. Them included.

I spoke at length to a guy called Ron, he was in a wheelchair and I had to stoop down to talk to him. He had spinal injuries after a motorbike crash, so my moan about my bad back was straight out of the window. Fuck I have nothing to moan about now. Bollocks. He had Cancer too and we had a good chat. The main thing that came out of it was he didn't like his Somalian carers. Not a subject I had too much experience in.

We chatted for about 15 minutes before i had to tell him my back hurt and i had to stand and stretch it. To be fair Ron took this crass 'putting my foot in it' statement and replied with 'Wish i could'. Then we both fell about laughing, not literally of course otherwise Ron would have been in a world of trouble. Fucked if I could pick him up with my back and he didn;t stand a chance. Is that in bad taste? Ron wouldn't think so but abled bodied would. If you think it is fuck you i was the one there talking to him today so I earned the right to crack a bad taste joke becuase he liked it.

It made me think. You have to treat people as equals. Not pussy foot around. I think that's why i felt quite at home there. Though it's easy to say that when I could bugger off in 4 hours.

There were some real volunteers their who dedicate their lives to helping others. These are the real heroes in my eyes and it made me feel pretty chipper about human nature in this country, There are plenty of real people with real heart.

I was amazed at the set up. Cinema, crafts room, entertainments room, hairdressers, treatment room, advice centre, karaoke, chill out area. I wanted to book in for Christmas. I was asked several times if I was the hairdresser or entertainment. Must have been my look. They looked slightly disappointed when I said i was with AA. Almost the look of 'oh i thought you were alright until you said that, Poor you'. We AA's are looked on as weirdos by the mainstream. "It's OK to kip in a doorway and drink special brew for breakfast but you wouldn't see me dead in an AA meeting. I'm not that bad"

There's a kind of twisted logic to that. I understand it.

So I left Crisis at around 5pm and headed to my Niece's for post Xmas present giving. Then to a meeting and then home. I must have earned fuck loads of Karma vouchers today. Guilt abated. Karma points won. Now I can misbehave for ages without any guilt at all. Isn't that why everyone does Charity work? Now what is the number for that Thai massage parlour? It's for my back you see. Freaking hurts.

See you at Westfield at 6am

xx