It's Christmas!!!!! (Said in the style of Noddy Holder) - (Well it was yesterday as I'm writing this on Boxing day)
All the hype, the wait, the expectation, the build up is over. It's Christmas. It's here. It's now. It's today. Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you have a good one.
Some people have terrible Christmas'. Bad memories or are just on their own. Some people's are full of families and love. Horses for courses I guess. In truth it's just another day. It's got the same amount of minutes as every other day of the year but obviously there is a special meaning to it.
Sometimes the true meaning of the day gets lost. I think it's important not to forget it's identity and history and significance. Whats that I hear you say? It's presents of course. What am I going to get? Me. What about me. What am I going to get?
Midnight mass. Tick. Turn up for family. Tick. Birth of Jesus. Tick. Smoked salmon for breakfast. Tick. Festive knitwear. Tick. Say all the right things. Tick. Be humble and grateful. Tick. Think of those worse off than yourself. Tick. But come on lets face it - when are we going to do the presents? Is that big sack for me?
Here's the standard Christmas Day;
Upon Awakening
Wake up a little late. Obviously those with young children will have been to bed late playing Santa and await their over excited children waking them up at 4am screaming, 'He's been,' Those without young children will be enjoying a long leisurely lay in, drinkers will be nursing an extra ordinary hangover.
I woke at 9am with the dreaded man lurgy sounding like Barry White chewing gravel. Nuts. Merry Christmas Nicholas. I was in the spare bedroom and my Mum had laid out the towel, mini shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, shaving gel and electric toothbrush. It was full 5 star service in this house. No breakfast in bed though, which was noted and I shall place that on 'customer feedback' when I leave.
Christmas Morning
For young families the house then resembles something similar to Helman Province in Afghanistan. Chaos and things everywhere. Kids rushing around screaming playing with toys and people all over the shop. Things were a little gentler with 3 of us. The calls started at 9.30am. Neices, aunties, brothers, families, friends.
Most people like to start the day off with a glass of champagne and smoked salmon. Others with a can of special brew. I decided to go for the World record Xmas Tea drinking record and already had 5 cups under my belt by 10.30am. A solid start.
Presents before breakfast or after? Leave them until later on or do them now? Some people even employ the 'one present rule'. Where everyone has to unwrap one after the other in full view of the others. This can take ages and the pressure is on for your reaction. Get a howler and you have to put on the fake smile and say 'oh it's lovely thank you very much before immediately mentally rejecting it and thinking who you can pass it onto next.
I'm more in favour of tucking in and going for broke. Then again i lack finesse & patience in just about every other area of my life so why would presents be any different. We tucked in. My Mum is really careful unwrapping, taking ages peeling off corners whereas I open it in around 0.5seconds unwrapping it like a scotch egg when you haven't eaten for a year. Frenzied.
I am exceptionally lucky, I got loads of ace presents. Money towards a new laptop (for my writing), some excellent books (need a holiday now to go and read them), loads of stopping smoking kit (message loud and clear) pants and socks (obligatory for a man), some cool stuff to wear, (Lynx Deodorant boxset (YYYYEEESSSSSS!!!) Quality smellies, some running stuff, a Xmas annual and comedy books for the khazi. (every man needs funny books for taking a shit too it's standard at Xmas)
How lucky am I? So many lovely gifts though I noticed there was no Ipad Mini. Another thing for the 'customer feedback'. Not that I'm ungrateful (joke)
By the time the presents are done, calls made, breakfast scoffed and you come up for air that's the morning done. It's now midday and time for lunch. The next event of the day. Obviously as a guest i had to do totally nothing apart from listen to the chefs slightly bicker at how long to leave the potatoes in to crisp up. God I love being a guest. Anything that involves doing bugger all is alright in my book.
Despite the onslaught of man flu and a dodgy back I went out for a small trot to road test my new running gloves and watch. I bid several people a 'Merry Christmas' as they looked at me thinking why are you running today? I passed 3 people dressed as elves, several couples weighed down with presents visiting in laws (I knew it was In laws as they had the look of dread and misery on their face) and a homeless guy wandering around (Kind of makes you think how fortunate you are really)
Then it was back home for a shower. I asked my Mum to shave my hairy back. (Grim I know) A real treat for her on Xmas day and then I wrote my blog as the hosts performed their culinary miracles in the kitchen. It was 2pm and time for lunch
Christmas lunch
The central point of the day. The Xmas feast. The celebratory banquet. Obviously most girls have been stressed to fuck. Getting up at 4am to put the massive Turkey in the oven. Or if you're on your own placing the Xmas meal for 1 in the microwave whilst considering when you should kill yourself. I like my brother's style. Getting everything from M&S and banging it on the oven. Ready made. The lazy guide to Xmas.
We had Chicken prepared by me Ma and her lovely man. Pistachio stuffing, M&S cranberry & orange stuffing balls which were so grim I reckon the homeless would say 'I'm full thanks', delicious crispy parsnips & roast potatoes and then my Mum kept my Nan's welsh woman traditions going by nuking the veg so they we're melt in your mouth. Almost like Brussels sprout truffles which was remarkable. A real joy I must say,
Incredibly i didn't over eat and enjoyed a fine lunch. Resisting the temptation for 2nd's, 3rd's and 4th's. I'd done all my Xmas overeating and wanted to feel fresh for the drive back to London later.
Post Lunch
This is the twilight period of the day. 4pm - 7pm. This is when the body shuts down and the adrenaline slows. The calories have dulled all the senses and the only thing you're good for is laying down, a crap film or a coma. There follows the inevitable mid to late afternoon kip in front of the tellie. Christmas wouldn't be the same without the doze. A deep noisy catatonic food induced sleep where the body fails to digest the massive calorie and stodge intake yet the head insists the body's still hungry for more.
Some people choose to eat later, around 5 or 6pm. Usually Goose. Don't trust these people. They are either ultra busy having to visit such a wide circle of family or friends or they are far too middle class to eat around Queens speech time. It fucks with tradition as where on earth can you fit in the afternoon nap? It's rather controversial.
I felt decidedly knackered and could have cheerfully gone to bed for a few hours. In the midst of the Xmas lunch I pulled a muscle in my back, adding to my lower back injury, pulled left hamstring and the man flu.
It must have been in the rather over enthusiastic pull of the Xmas cracker and laughing at the incredible jokes inside. Clearly I'm falling apart and my first time I've ever been injured during Xmas lunch. Ironman triathlons, marathons and endurance events are a piece of piss. Xmas lunch and wallop. Injured. Shoot me now.
I couldn't settle in for the night though as it was time to drive back to London to do my good deed for the day, Service at an AA meeting.
I didn't want to do it and wanted so much to cancel and lay horizontal for the rest of the day. But off i went, loaded up with painkillers, and went to the evening meeting to greet a load of alcoholics and give my little bit back for the day.
There is not much that I feel strongly about or that defines me as a Man but alcoholism does. Today would have been my Father's 68th birthday and as he died such a classic alcoholic death it always means something to me to do service for AA on Xmas day. It makes me feel good and it feels right to do, even though i didn't want to. I thought about all the times he rang his Sister on Xmas day crying down the phone that he was on his own. Locked in alcoholism. So for me It means a lot to help people get over the disease.
In the end it connected me, made me feel grateful for what I had received and had today and gave me a sense of perspective. All my bullshit thinking, negativity, internal dialogue, ingratitude. All melted away in the meeting and connected me. Like I was being charged up again. Nice. Thanks AA. You're a little life saver.
So that was another Xmas day. Not amazing. Not terrible. I gave and received. I drank 14 cups of tea - a full 68 short of the record, I spent time with loved ones. I spoke to everyone I needed to. I am sober. I have a loving family. I got some great gifts (even if none included an Ipad Mini) so what have I got to complain about? Nothing really. I'm a lucky boy. Yes I really did say that. Weird huh?
Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you had a good one
xx
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