I love Xmas shopping but this one today was a real test of endurance, patience and skill. Richmond ceased to be the genteel middle class land of Waitrose. Instead it was a seething mass of stressed out mothers and couples desperately trying to buy everything in their path. Queues snaked round the shop, pavements were jam packed. There was nowhere to turn.
People were arguing. The women looked particularly burnt out and it was only the 8th. On the 8th day of the advent God says, 'Chill. It's Xmas'.
I've never understood why people get so stressed out. I know if you have people coming or long lists of things you need to get done it can get stressful but isn't it really quite silly to miss the whole point and idea of the holiday season? I Saw women like maniacs today. Tightly wound and ready to blow (Though not in the way their husbands would want)
I know times have changed for me because I wandered around at 2.30pm instead of watching sport. OK i brought it on myself. Saturday afternoon is the worst time to go but I've been busy this week and needed to get a prezzy for someone for tomorrow (Invited for an Xmas lunch)
I attempted to find the tackiest Xmas prezzy I could and succeeded in M&S Xmas section. I got a right result. A musical snow scape thing (Not the most technical description) - It was so naff it was cool and well worth the 12 minute queue and several knocks to my feet by the baby buggies. A lethal weapon on a Saturday afternoon.
Then I went to WH Smith for a book. This is when I experienced a really nice little life moment. I chose the book (Top Gear Fast Car Book for a man who likes Fast Cars. I estimate he will receive 4 of the same book this Xmas) Then I took my place in the enormous queue when an old girl came up to me and said, 'I followed you as i saw you pick up the book and i want to get this one (Hairy Bikers) and they are £9,99 each or 2 for a tenner. If we get them together we save a fiver". Brilliant. I'll have some of that. I obviously put to one side she had technically stalked me for 20 metres but was delighted to save a fiver. We had a nice little chat in the queue and I invited her to spend the next 12 days Xmas shopping with me to save more money. It was lovely and warm spirited and I liked it. What a lovely Old girl she was, though I prefer the 2 Fat Ladies. Hairy Bikers are a little annoying for me. She slipped in the Daily Mail and Twix (I thought she'd be more of a Wispa kind of girl) we wished each other a Merry Xmas and went on our way. It was a really sweet moment.
Then after around another 15 minutes I'd had enough. This was no place for a relaxing Saturday afternoon. So I decided to go and pick up some decorations (Obviously not put them up as I can;t be arsed to day). As I said earlier in the week being single and living on your own is a tricky dilemma to go for the decorations. I have decided to go for it a little and stick some up, however on a budget as I'm not one for spending £1000 on ultra stylish decorations. I'm more of a fan of understated with a liberal does of trash.
I was brought up in the 70;s when Xmas decorations were trashy. Tinsel everywhere. On pictures, on any available hanging space. Hing from the ceiling, coming down the walls. wrapped around the Bannister. Obviously nasty loud colours and ultra flammable. That's what I remember Xmas to be.
Now people go nuts on ultra posh middle class decorations. Stained white nativity scenes for £95. Colour coded big baubles. LED Lights. I went a little more reserved but with a twist and was actually rather pleased with myself. A small Xmas tree for a tenner, 5 tiny tacky tinsel trees for 60 p each. A load of Xmas candles with reefs on the bottom which make for an excellent fire risk. Some little lights for the White twigs and a touch of genius some table confetti gold stars and bows for £1.99. Sorted.
It obviously goes against all bloke dome and was actually reasonably creative and tacky. But when the candles are on it looks cute and I'm well pleased with myself. Clearly a man who puts table confetti down as a Xmas decoration is in touch with his feminine side.
I refrained from putting tinsel all over the shop and I havent' even put up the showpiece Icicle light display yet. That will follow on Sunday night but I was pretty pleased with myself. I think it has reasonable taste for a bloke.
Having said that I went for it on the outside display and did the whole bloke thing. What do you think?
I didn't want to go over the top outside as I'm on the main Heathrow flight path and it may lead to enormous air disaster. I think i got the balance of taste and understatement just about right, though the neighbours can;t get to sleep because of the light and my electricity bill is £5,000 a day. Never mind it's Christmas isn't it?
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