Day 88 - Thursday 29th March

Mileage 5 ; Time - v v slow; Weekly mileage 5 miles

I have spent the week eating ultra healthily, drinking minimal tea and diet coke. Necking multi vitamins and acidophalis, downing the dreaded herbal tea, Sleeping and resting. Trying desperately not to fall into a deep dark mental abyss. So it was ultra gutting to wake up feeling like I'd been date raped by a gorilla. Grim

Struggled into work again. Is it possible to wear a dressing gown in the office?

No matter how much i like a 3 piece suit, No matter how groovy it is to wear a sharp suit, cut away collar and tie. No matter how good it makes you feel. When you feel ill and dodgy, all you want to wear is baggy loose fitting comfy garments. similar to those worn in psychiatric units or care in the community cases. In essence clothing you have 'given up' in. You don't care. It must have stains on it. Be elasticated. Ill shapen and have a massive dressing gown draped over it. Pants must be baggy, like old fashioned Y-fronts your Grandfather wore. Fashion and Image plays no role in being ill.

You must walk slight crooked like you have shit yourself and sigh heavily in front of people so they say 'oh you poor thing, you look terrible'. That in my book is Ill man standard procedure.

Anyway, i Trojaned again in the office and left a little early again. I needed to rip of the suit and get my ill kit on. I checked the late afternoon viewing and was excited to see that not only was 'Quincy' feature length on Discovery +, but is was followed 'Sweeney' on ITV 4. Result.

I lay for a while, like someone from 'Dawn of the Dead', but in the end got sick off myself. I downed 3 acidophilus, a vitamin C and thought, fuck it I'm going to drag myself for a run at the gym and a long sauna. Try to sweat this little bastard out.

I put on several layers with a hoody, like i was dressed for Siberia and began the slowest 5 mile ever on the treadmill. I completed it in 8 days and sweated like like a Petrol Station Cashier at rush hour. I then sat in the sauna for a further 4 weeks and after a shower, felt reasonably human again. Thank god!!!

Not 100% but certainly better. Lets hope this continues tomorrow, but the bleak depression has lifted Man when i feel physically bad, it really affects my head. I go into a spiral of negativity and bleakness that not even a lottery win would shift. Life becomes black, hopeless, joyless and grim. Sex drives disappears and so does my spirit.

Well, no more for that. Tonight i shall sleep and have a big old pray up that my head shifts as does my spirit. That my physical improvement continues and i get back on the training plan and knock out a decent 8 miler. Tomorrow the shit TV is history and in the immortal words of Arnie, 'i'll be back'

xx