Rest Day Physically if not mentally
You know the difference between alcoholics drinking and alcoholics in recovery or most normal people? Recovery ones and normal people are there for others in times of need. Alcoholics who are drinking are not. They are unavailable, Utterly self absorbed in their own pain and problems. Dominating the enviroment. I think thats what turns people off of giving money for addiction charities or accepting it as a disease. Ultimately alkies are a massive pain in the arse and emotionally draining.
When one is low, or has a bad day, or has a bereavement or when something bad happens all you want as a human being is for your wife, husband, girl, boy or good friend to be there for you right?
Not to offer advice or tell you how you should act or feel. Or even the friends who offer unsolicited advice without really empasising or listening, they're great those are. Avoid at all costs.
No the best thing about people who are close to you, is they offer you time. They are solid, They are there. That is love. That is support, That is the best thing people can offer. When someone asks you how you are and then listens. They are the ones i want to run with in life, and those are the ones i will always remember and do my best for in return. My ex did so when my Father died. A rock and i never forget such acts.
Being the kid of an alcoholic and a brother of one and once being a boyfriend of one makes me used to having people being 'unavailable to you'. Being an alcoholic myself, it is very interesting to see the other side of the fence. It makes me see how utterly self obsessed, absorbed and self piteous i was with previous girlfriends, it wasn't conscious, just the way alcoholism manifests itself. Being in 'recovery' helps to take me away from that.
Don't get me wrong i'm still naturally self obsessed and absorbed bastard, but not drinking and working against the alcoholic personality helps me to manage it better. Thays what AA gives me.
I don't want to turn this into another rant. People who are not alkies have problems. Some terrible ones. Poverty, illness, death. People have it hard, so i'm not suggesting alcoholism should dominate headlines.
But today has highlighted how alkies are self obsessed. I don't want to go into details like previous blogs as in hindsight it's not fair on the person who is suffering. However out of hospital they came and straight back into secretive and unamangeable drinking. It is so utterly frustrating.
makes me remember growing up with the father and seeing a shell of a person and 90% disease. It;s like looking at one of those snowmen in a glass. trapped inside and you can't get in to shake them 'well'.
manipulative, arrogant, egotistical, pathetic, tragic and infuriating. I lost my temper so many times and had white anger. it's not their fault but 3 weeks of it has made me have enough, You cannot force someone to want to stop. Ultimately it's a hopeless cause.
This was All played out as my nan worsened today, Poor woman is laying in a hospital bed, 96 and unable to eat. It is only the force of my mother, her daughter, who has insisted the doctors treat her, otherwise they would have left her fade away because of her age, awful really. Considering she has paid 90 odd years of taxes and insurance. Oi, Osbourne, come here.
However, i'm not going to claim all that sadness for me. I'm not there, she's in Llanelli, i'm in London and her force of spirit and fight and backbone has enabled her to recover quickly, so we shall see what the week brings.
Today has been a bit of a downer. Highlighted many things for me and mostly the best thing i can offer people is time.
So tomorrow and maybe you reader can try this too. Take 5 miuntes out of your day and offer time to someone. Phone someone you havent phoned for ages, or ask someone something without expecting anything in return.
I guarantee you will feel better afterwards, leave me a comment on Facebook or this blog if it works, i'm interested
Big up those who sponsored me overnight, i'm loving you long time. And if you havent? Get on it - link on header at the top.
God bless you Nan (Mrs P) - you are a 3ft 1, welsh Matriach beauty
xx
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