Old injury flared up, so postponed 'the long one'. Boo.
Today was supposed to be the long one. Woke up at 7am to a really venomously shitty day. Wet, windy, cold and grim, and that was just my bed. Sorry that's a poor start.
I am staying at my friends place i helped move in for the next month, in Barnes. A Nice gaff, and she has ordered these leather TV beds. Incredible really. A real bitch to put together, but once up they are ace. Flip the headboard open, press the button and up pops the flat screen TV. Enjoyed Match Of the Day early doors without moving a muscle. The height of lazy luxury.
The only unfortunate thing was i had to get up. My mind was full of indecision today. Shall i shan't i? Run then meeting? meeting then run? Bikram, run, meeting? Should i run as feel the tendonitis? Meetings only? Fuck me i had exhausted myself and it was only 7.45am.
The truth is i feel dodgy today, Alcoholic. Flat. Indecisive, feared up and dare i say it, vulnerable. It was a meeting for me. Whilst it was good it still didn't do the job. My intention was too run long after. I need to be up to 18-20 miles by now. 7 weeks today to the marathon.
Trouble is, my tendonitis spot on my left shin hurt and was sore. I was worried i would inflame it again, so i finally decided against running. I just can't afford to fuck it again so close to marathon. Hopefully it will repair and i can do 20 miles later in the week.
A bit concerned as i only did 20 miles last week. Not enough, so i will have to get on it over next 4 weeks, injury permitting.
In the end i cycled, cross trained and did a hardcore 90 minutes. Went to meeting after and then to visit my friend in hospital. She really looks bad and has nearly destroyed herself. It's quite distressing, but i am sure a full recovery can be made. if they want to of course. I certainly hope so.
News from Wales. Me Nan is a bit perkier. Eaten 2 yogurts and had a nice cup of tea, so that's positive. More tests tomorrow so fingers crossed, but her throat still blocked.
So all in all, not a bad day, but definitely accepted i had alcoholic personality traits today. That's how subtle the disease is. Nothing major. Nothing dramatic. Most people wouldn't see it or spot it. But i did. I know how i felt, Thin skin, over sensitive, feared up for no reason and uncomfortable.
That's why they say it's a mental illness. To rhyme or reason. Just head tick tocking. If i didn't have meetings or people to share it with. Eventually i would have to drink to escape these uncomfortable feelings. It would be an inevitability. That's effectively alcoholism. It acts in stages. The next one would be to drink, and then there are many stages of it after that. My friend is chronic, towards the bottom. Mine is not that. But if i don't 'treat it' every day then i could well end up there. Fact.
That is why i';m sold on it as a disease, as i know when it is trying to attack my mind and get me closer to a drink.
Not today Mr alcoholism, the only thing I'm going to slip up on is double sausage and double chips. Can't see me being admitted to Chelsea + Westminster on that.
Big week this week for training, though i still feel that getting off diet coke and sweetener/caffeine will help to give me the energy to do the mileage. Slipped back to old habits last week, so maybe i have to concentrate hard on that this week and go hard and long over the weekend
xx
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