No mileage - Rest Day - weekly mileage 6
I'm not going to lie, today wasn't very nice. Bad news about my Nan. Although as yet confirmed but the poor wee matriarch is very poorly. Made me feel sad for my Mother too. Tough times for all.
Today was all about work and then eat shit, do f*** all at night. So not alot to talk about in terms of training. Other than i shouldn't have eaten so much crap and done f*** all. Just wanted to hide away at night and isolate. A strange way to be, but one i often gravitate towards when under a little pain or stress or emotion. I do believe the past month caught up with me and i just hid away.
I shouldn't do that as it's the complete opposite to my Nan and Mother. Both strong, spirited and inner determined Welsh women with a real 'dust yourself off' and 'get on with it' attitude. I get there in the end but i go through the whole self pity, hide away, avoid thing before coming around to the general idea that gets you absolutely nowhere. Still at least i recognise this and don't do the usual man thing of bullshit that everything is OK and stiff upper lip and all that bollocks.
Sometimes things are not OK. Sometimes I'm not OK. Sometimes i love to wallow in my own pity and really pile it on. Not healthy. I don't even know why I'm doing it sometimes. I just do. Trick is not to get lost in it for too long. Pull back just in time so to speak.
Anyway, I'm over that now. Fuck it. What a whinging bag of soft as shite i am. I may as well go and knit a jumper and watch a Meg Ryan film. Oh hang on a second, last time i watched one with her in I cried. Not good for Manly image. Ahem. Move On. Think Shelving, DIY and Power drills.
Back to my Nan. She is 96. She has been the main constant in all our lives. Razor sharp and full of spirit and life. She has lived in the same house for 73 years. When all of the madness and moves and domestic carnage of the childhood was played out, going to hers was like a throwback. Even down to keeping copies of Roy of The Rovers from childhood. Good job i hid the 'readers Wives' back in the day.
She lost her husband years ago, she never moaned. She never showed self pity. She never complained. Real old school get on with it and tomorrow is good day spirit. Shame i seem to have picked up more DNA from my fathers side. Manic Depressive, cross dressing, alcoholic lunatics.
My Nan evokes happy times. Warmth of Llanelli. Brymoor Road, Home made Rock cakes. House Coat and Pinny. Fresh bread delivered by the Baker. Lowering her voice when talking about 'Mrs Jenkins next door'. A Bag of boiled mints permanently on hand. Emmerdale Farm, Constant News updates, small kit kats, a nice cup of tea, Nivea cream at night and sweeping the doorstep every day to keep the house immaculate.
Living on a budget, always slipping you £20 here and there and always an old fashioned birthday card with a poem inside. Sunday Roasts, Ham and Parsley Sauce and a nice tray of Chops from Marks and Spencer.
There is no finer thing in the world than hearing my nan, in her heavy Welsh accent say the word 'Chops' and talking so enthusiastically about how much pleasure she gets from a nice lamb or pork Chop (Know where the name of my Comedy Club comes from now?)
In short i love her. Of course i do, she's my nan. My mothers mother. But more than that she is lovely. Everyone marvels at her. Sher has devoted her life to the thought and care of others and without a hint of self pity and often wonder. Why don't i show a bit more of that inner grit.
So today. Nan, this is for you. For all you have done. For being you. That is all that you ever needed to be. She'll never read this if course. i am going down this weekend so it maybe tricky to explain to her what a 'blog' is. Let alone Facebook or Twitter,
But i am determined to get her viewing my Mum's Ipad (photo opportunity) That is a PR stunt that Apple would literally wank themselves silly for. A 96 year old on an Ipad. I love it
xx
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