Mileage 0 - St Davids Day.........oh therewarthen there's lovely.
So today is back to normality. Up early and into work after very little sleep. Feel like freshly heated turd and it's going to be a long day. Aim is to run tonight but that will be determined by energy and time. And quite frankly if i can be arsed. Lets see what the day brings. I'm literally bursting with enthusiasm to see what stationary will be needed. Such a powerful important position i hold. i'm so very proud.
Update on the patient. Kept in by hospital and will be assessed today. Looks like she has utterly battered herself and caused damage, but if i'm being honest i'm just relieved she in hospital, being detoxed from booze and pills and being looked after. Thank god she medically damaged otherwise they would have thrown her out after 3 hours. As said before hospitals hate alkies and chuck them out as they need the beds. Shame can't be referred to an alcohol team with a big book of AA and entered into a 12 step programme. They may not want it but it may enter into their head for future reference.
Instead of all this pissing around with alcohol counselling, keeping booze diaries etc. I mean who the fuck remembers to write down what they had to drink on a session? It's hard enough to write your signature on a credit card for yet another round of tequilas, let alone a diary of how much you've drunk.
If you've ended up in hospital from alcohol chances are there is a booze problem. It is then that AA should be introduced. At least people will know there is a place to go for help. It;s free and works.
My experience when i woke up on the sofa of my girlfriends on Easter Sunday 2001, in my suit. I'd pissed myself and woke up out of yet another blackout. I was 28, i'd been drinking for 13 years and it was getting worse. I no longer had control and was regularly blacking out and getting in trouble. My girlfriend couldn't look at me nor touch me. i had long since turned her away from me. I was fucked.
I looked like a fat bloated Jack Dee. My face as round as the moon. I was 16 stone, yet i thought i looked ace. I stank, i was on 2 warnings at work. My nickname was 'Besty' and i was always odds on favourite to get pissed and chucked out at any works party.
I had man tits, no money, a bad attitude and i only really lived to drink. alone or in company. In or out. It didn't matter. I had tried to stop on my own and i had also undergone alcohol counselling, though that just made me more miserable and wanting to drink.
In short. I was fucked. Yet that morning, that moment of clarity stuck. I had got worse. I was worse than my old man at 28 and i thought, 'what will happen in 10-20 years time if i keep this up? Answer. Carnage. So i rang AA and went to my 1st meeting. It was Easter Sunday 2001 and i fucking hated it.
Old bastards sat around talking shit. Drinking tea, eating biscuits from plates on doilies. Old women in twinset and pearls. Oh god it was like Terry and June on Acid. This is the end i thought. Kill me now.
it took me 6 months to stop drinking. In and out of AA. I hated it yet every time i went back to drinking i blacked out or was arrested. Gutted. Can't live with it can't live without it. Like my attitude to women now.
I finally gave up and said, 'ok god, fuck it, i hate AA but my way doesn't work so i will try and this AA properly. That was 10 years ago and on good days i'm loving it and on bad days i go back to complaining about AA and what is wrong with it. Truth? Nothing. its always my thinking.
So in short that is start of my story and how i came to be engaged in addiction and awareness of it.
Work went by slowly and painfully though i managed to look at stationary.
Home at 6.30pm, patient being kept in. Though It running in the same way i sometimes think of writing and lay on sofa all night drowsing to Only Fools and Horses. Ambient TV.
Drifted off at 11pm and felt soooooooo nice to be peaceful and no chaotic. i could get use to this!!
xx
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