Mileage - 0. No chance!! Moving Day
OK, so the last few days have not really been about running, training, mental focus or indeed the marathon. But weirdly it's everything to do with it, who i'm doing it for. Action on Addiction. The last few days have really brought it home and today was no different.
I worry that it is in bad taste. That i shouldn't be highlighting some one's descent into such pain and torture. I worry that being flippant and joking about it means i am being insensitive. I worry that i rant and come across as too preachy. I worry.
But then again i have been there for someone 24/7. I havent run away, abandoned ship or bullshitted. I have been there. That is why i feel justified in writing about it. I feel sad and maybe somethings should remain private. But for too long i grew up with an alcoholic where all the violence and madness remained private, It only made everyone even more unhappy. And also the reason i'm doing this for Action on Addiction is really to raise awareness about the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction.
I have been around one for the past 10 days and now this is in the midst of ultra chronic. I have to write about it.
So today, after early morning dash to new property to take delivery of 2 TV beds (massive leather things with TV's in the headboard that pop up with button) - They were so heavy the 2 old boys carrying up the stairs (3 flights top floor flat of course) were almost having a (sean) coronary.
Back to old apartment to administer morning booze to the severely unwell and almost convulsing alcoholic. Grim. Quick tidy up, pick up rest of stuff and away to new apartment.
2 beds assembled (with power tool not the provided Alan key which would have taken 5 months), sofa's delivered, boxes of shit precariously lifted up to the loft. Place sorted. Phew.
Then back to old apartment to read meter. Clean fridge out and it was whilst i was doing this, i had an email from work, that we needed to order more stationary. Marketing is now in control of stationary. I've been promoted.
I stood back. Looked at myself. Cleaning out fridge, managing stationary at work. I thought, 'where the fuck do i go wromg'!!!! I wanted to rock. To be in a band, To be an actor, A comedian. A performer, An artist, a poet. To fuck and fight. To write and perform. To be a genius. a lover, a laughter. A man of substance and style.
And yet. There i was. Nearly 40. In jeans, cowboy boots and rubber gloves. Cleaning a fridge, managing a stationary order. Surely I'm better than that!! Suddenly the brandy and drinking seemed attractive! God, time to sort my life out i think.
Back to new gaff. Neighbour offered a bottle of wine. Bless, but didn't have the heart to say the truth.
Ambulance called for the poor ill alcoholic. Inevitably ended up in A &E with a very very ill lady. A&E hate alcoholics and addicts and basically chuck them out after 3 hours. A drain on resources and time and energy. I know how they feel!
To finish the day i waited in the emergency unit as they ran tests. She will be in for 3 days for detox. the throwing up blood and shaking is worrying.
I waited as a new born baby was wheeled in as they did CPR. Trying to save him. God it was awful but luckily the little strong UN pulled through. But it made me think how amazing a job the doctors and nurses do on the front line. Truly inspirational. I'm determined to make a really good job in ordering the compliment slips tomorrow now. And those business cards will be shit hot. Bring it on.
So that was it. Left the poor little one in the hospital. Nothing i could do now. She in good hands and hopefully that will be the end. She was a few days away from death and i am fucking exhausted by it all. Maybe that will be the start of sobriety. The rock bottom was as bad as ive seen. But it has to be smashed from people in order to recover. I'm hoping that will be the case now.
No chance to run, but a late night binge on minstrels, biscuits and other goodies is certainly not going
to help my energy and mood tomorrow, Still fuck it. So pleased today over. End
xx
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