Day 65 - Tuesday 6th March

Mileage 7; Time 52 mins; Quick

Synopsis of the day
Commute - Grim
Work - Manageable - great meeting with Tower Hamlets College about giving something back to disadvantaged students. Me likes that. Makes one feel good inside.
Afternoon - friend home from hospital - drunk again and after drinking in hospital. severe alcoholism
Home - Difficult
Head - Messy
Training - fucking awesome - took my utter frustration out on the run and can only say i 'legged' it for 7 miles in 52 mins. Jesus i was powering on. Injury felt OK, head felt angry. I don't know what to do.

Best part of the day, a young girl, no more than 16-17 came into the gym, she was really obese and self conscious. Hid away in the corner and looked really scared. I was powering on the treadmill in my big gay outfit, muscles pumping and sweating like Andy Gray on Woman's Hour. She must have felt either intimidated or nauseous.

Anyway i really felt for her. She didn't really know what to do and obviously felt awkward about her size and the gym. Starting on the treadmill, then swapping machines. Aimless and self conscious. I knew that feeling well. It made my heart bleed a little.

So i stopped my run, went over to her and had a chat, asked her her 'programme' and got her doing some intervals, walking on treadmill up incline and down, running and walking. Offering encouragement and getting her to work harder. We got her working well and she enjoyed it, and it made me feel good.

I really feel for the vulnerable and it just makes me want to help. For a man riddled with self doubt and insecurity that comes naturally to me and makes me feel good. It seems like I was born to do stuff like that. Sounds a bit naff, but it fills up my soul more than getting the paper weight on the compliment slips right at work. (kill me now)

All that followed up with few cross training jumps, skips, core, stretching and felt good. Back to the house of hell and managed to stuff myself with chocolate, malt loaf and tea cakes. Never a good sign late at night, i always seems to cram in shitty food when in a state of emotional disturbance. My head fucking hurts from the insanity.

NN peoples
xx