It's midnight. I'm just home. It's been a busy day/eve. I'm pretty washed out but just wanted to check in.
This morning I changed a habit I'd got into and meditated again (for 5 mins) after an absence of weeks. It's far easier to fall out of routine than it is to form one. Still, at least I made an attempt today. And I did a Nutri-bullet vegetable shake for breakfast.
On the way to work I listened to The Secret on Audio Books. It is a book that describes how to create a tip top life for yourself through various means including the law of attraction.
It's early days for me and lots to take in, new concepts to consider and practice, however it was effectively saying that your mind, your thoughts and brain can really design the life for yourself you want.
It highlights the power of meditation, positive thinking, dynamic ordering from the universe and clear specific objectives. None of which I have been particularly good at.
It's late and I only listened to 25 mins so it's far too early to judge (though to be fair I usually judge something on it's cover or first 2 mins so something is changing)
I went to work with a positive attitude and had a really good day. It was upbeat, creative and I met some top positive people. It really rubs off. I love being around those kind of people as I spark off it.
Then in the evening I went to a meeting. I'm pretty light on them in the moment and spent the first hour judging everyone, wanting not to be there. It was the opposite of my upbeat day. They all seemed to be talking about the problems and it was like a 'see who can out suicide each other' competition. Everyone was talking about thoughts of killing themselves in the past. I was thinking, 'where is the alcoholism'. I was getting twitchy. When the 8th person to share about suicide weighed in, I thought, 'fuck me why didn't you'. My brain was not helping matters.
I refocused. Chanelled loving thoughts, had a word with myself and said, 'these people can talk about what they like. Sort your own house out first.' It did the trick. I changed my attitude and reconnected.
At least people can be honest about these feelings in a safe enviroment. It's better to share the thoughts than do it. So I felt a power in the room and a freeing energy when I got my sodding head out of the way.
Having said that, what about my old man who committed suicide by instalments over a 28 year period of alcoholism .Not quite as headline grabbing is it? I have seen people with untreated alcoholism commit suicide. I have seen practicing alcoholics do it and I have seen mentally ill people do it or clinically depressed. I never know where alcoholism finishes and mental illness begins. Best stay out of that debate at 12.30am.
The bottom line is that I am fortunate not to have depression, suicidal thoughts or be prone to it. My heart goes out to people who do and I guess in a way the meeting tonight was an example of the power of sharing the thoughts you could never in normal society.
It just gets a bit fucking depressing when you get 8 in a row. If there would have been a 9th Lord knows what I would have. Even the beams in the roof start looking appealing. (Joke) If you cant laugh about these things then what can you do? It's not that I am minimising the pain or horror or seriousness but I think trying to laugh at tragedy is as valid as crying. It's just not quite as socially acceptable.
That's all I have. A change of attitude in the meeting, a positive attitude day and I didn't kill myself or any others. A good day all round.
Together We Are Stronger
Nicholas Evans
No comments:
Post a Comment