The back is better. I can move!!! I'm no longer walking like I've just shit myself. I can even stand up straight. It's a miracle!
I'm still in pain but it's manageable and I feel human again. Asda and Sports Direct can rest easy. They are no longer on my list.
My mood really darkened yesterday to such an extent my best mate rang me and I really couldn't be arsed to take the call. It was as if everything was an effort. I reluctantly did and he immediately wished he hadn't. Ringing me was like the Samaritans in reverse. A suicidal speaking clock. I was short, morose and distracted. He cracked a joke to which I replied, 'yeah'. Nothing worse than someone not even giving you the respect of a laugh or 'that's not funny'. Instead a 'yeah' is essentially code for, "Look I didn't want to talk. Your in a good mood, I'm not, let's just end this call now, OK". So we did.
It really makes you appreciate your freedom and health when you come out of spasm. I was genuinely worried I had done some permanent disc trouble for a day or so there. Crawling around on my lounge floor in baggy pants and a massive support belt around my middle is not a sexy look. Thank God I live on my own. I think my bird would have instantly emigrated had she seen me looking like that.
It felt good though to come out of it and return to humanity. Health is something to treasure, to nurture. To respect. Obviously I'm still learning as I celebrated by smoking 32 cigarettes and demolishing 12 cups of tea. 1 step forward 6 back. Norse.
Clearly I still have issues of self love and care to achieve if I'm putting my body through that. Still tonight is not the night to analyse or beat oneself up. It will need to be addressed but today I'm just happy to be walking upright again. I had already googled 'mobility scooters'. That one can wait.
Oh and I managed 6 episodes of House of cards last night. I finished the 6th at 2.40am. My alarm was set at 6.30am. Still it's all good practice for when I have kids right? After all, one must look for the positives. It's such a better way of living. Don't you agree?
Together We Are Stronger
Nicholas Evans
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