Day 292 - Thurs 1st November - Comedy & Blog Banter

If today was a football match I won against the run of play. If today was a boxing match I would have won on points but only after bribing the judges. If today was a concert I would have won but needed lip syncing and recording equipment.

Point is today, or more specifically the comedy went well despite myself.

Obviously I didn't show any of this to the outside world. I was chatty, interested and upbeat, I showed no hint of any inner turmoil but inside knew I felt off, flat and anxious. More than usual on a comedy night.

I had World War III in my head but to the outside world I was calm & chilled. This blog lifts a lid on what you would never get to see usually. Who knows what goes on in people's heads when you meet them. This is what is in mine.

Blogger debate

There was a bit of banter flying around yesterday from a couple of anonymous readers. The 'public figure' laid in and gave a sanctimonious sermon on self pity. Clearly angered & frustrated by my inner negative dialogue they wrote a couple of scathing comments. All good fun. Of course the touchy bastard in me replied. Couldn't resist.

Then another anonymous joined in. Probably someone who used to go meetings after describing them as 'pathetic meetings attended by neurotics & moaners.' Blimey. Such hatred out there. This one must know me as they also suggested I ate a 'decent meal as I'm far too scrawny' and rather superbly to go on a dating site to get 'a girlfriend or boyfriend'. Brilliant.

Clearly I am Marmite. You like or hate. No in between.

They raised the point that 'I don't like it up me'. Spot on hence why i could never be gay. No offence but I really don't like it up me. Am I touchy? yes of course? Am I an attention seeker. Er Yes. Am I sensitive and hate criticism. Totally. I've never hidden that.

They said, 'remember if you put yourself out in the public domain expect some flak'. I guess I still have a rather Utopian and naive view that I never expected flak, nor did I realise putting myself out in the public domain means that I am fair game for it. I clearly didn't think it through. They certainly have a fair point and thanks for raising it.

Still fuck em. They clearly have got 2 triple cooked chips on each shoulder if they view me & AA as they described. One thing the anonymous commentators have proved from their comments. Resentment is the number 1 offender and really ugly. I must take note to work on mine. And yes I have a long way to go. Again something I have pointed out all along.

We are all works in progress. Jesus Christ I have never claimed to have it sorted, the answers or anything else but being a human being just like everyone else. Not special or different. Not above or below. Not anything other than someone putting my thoughts down every day.

I am shocked at the level of sarcastic hatred dripping from these comments. I never thought a simple daily blog could bring out such weird barbed comments. I should clearly develop a thicker skin. They should develop acceptance & a sense of humour.


Comedy Chops

There are 2 realities of what happened tonight.

1- Mine

2. What really happened.

Lets stick to the facts.

A success. A packed house. Room layout was great. I think around 55-60 turned up. Just shy of the capacity of the 02 but small acorns and all that.

I was thankful for the first act turning up early, as this technological dip shit here couldn't get the sound system to work. Panicking as the room filled up. I considered having to cancel. Then when I asked the 1st act to help out. He took 2 cables and did something hugely technological. He plugged them into 2 holes in the back of the PA. 40 frigging minutes i had spent panicking and missing those sodding holes.  It worked immediately. I am officially a dunce.

Despite my head and off colour performance (Not that anyone noticed. I did though) the evening went well. A comedy night is determined by the quality of acts not the MC (even I know that) and the acts were good. First one struggled a bit but it is always hard up top to get a crowd going but he was funny.

Then the 2nd act really tore the gaff up. The Rayguns are Real Enough. A comedy rock band who were superb. Clearly what the evening was crying out for was a hairy man dressed in a tiger suit jacking up cream, downing pints of milk in one whilst singing Blackbox 'Ride on Time'. They were class.

The final act Ava Vidal was excellent. Sarcastic but gentle in delivery but ultra accomplished and some great material about her kids. Hilarious.

They were superb and it's always great to see a packed house of different types of people locked into someones set. it's an art form I truly admire particularly when the comedian is trying to say something. I genuinely admire them and it is a pleasure to watch them close up.

Strangely most of them are neurotic beforehand and then spend ages afterwards caning themselves. 'Did it go OK', 'Was I good'. I identify with that mindset but you just plough on.

What of the MC? Despite world war 3 in the head, terrific fear, anxiety, low self esteem and inner negative dialogue I got up in front of 60 people and bantered with them, welcomed them, made them feel at home and without setting the world on fire not one of them would have known how I was feeling inside, so it was a success. The evening went well and apparently I run a successful monthly comedy club and all the acts say what a great set up and what a unique lovely club it is.

Also a couple of people I know came for the 1st time expecting it to be a bit pants probably but genuinely surprised by how good the night is. That is gratifying.

Highlights that will stay with me? the brilliant Kiwi drunk in the front row sleeping through the band and then staggering home early. I can feel his blackout already. The weird drunk woman who kept on shouting out random words like 'Wandsworth' and 'Boom'. Odd. The large table of 20 something year old celebrating a birthday who i was encouraging to drink sambucas, Jaegerbombs, swore incessantly at the and encouraged them to have group sex, only afterwards talking to them to find out they were a table full of Christians. Nice one Nick. Still at least my observation they looked like they were at the last supper was reasonably accurate.

The undoubted highlight were the Realguns and a kiwi girl in the front row. It's certainly not often you get to see a really hairy man in a Tiger suit serenade a girl with a George Michael song whilst she's stroking his fur in front of a room full of 60 strangers. That's what Comedy Chops is all about. I like it

xx