The Evans Guide to Middle Aged Mens Fashion.
Being a man between the ages of 35-40 is difficult. I mean what do we wear now we are approaching middle age? I know several friends of a similar age who are all going through a mid life style crisis. They simply don't know how to look and what to wear. It appears to be a common problem in the man-o-pause.
A little background on the writer first:
For me it's a little different, or at least I think it is. In my 20's I was pretty fat. I wasn't morbidly obese but i was pushing 15 stone, sometimes closer to 16. Pretty lardy. it was mostly down to a huge intake of lager, wine, spirits, beer, pizza, kebabs, full english breakfasts, macdonalds. You eat any old shit when you're drunk. I was also a chubby Kid and plagued with Man tits which was a bit of a hindrance. Especially when we had to go skins in P.E. Nightmare.
This affected my style. Out went T-shirts, shirts and anything that could display my nark's. In came pretty much anything that would hide them. Jumpers, suits, jackets, waistcoats, Afghan sheepskin 70's Kaftan's. I was thin for a year when I was 18 and wore jeans and t-shirts & felt good and wasn't secretly ashamed of my appearance. But that was about it. The rest of the time was spent chubby & hiding it.
I was never much for trainers and casual wear. Even jeans. I grew up loving clothes you see. Quite unusual for a bloke. I remember being into the Clothes Show, though Jeff Banks was an annoying fuck. I also remember going up to London as a teen and going to Kings Road, Kensington Market & Hyper Hyper which was full of interesting retro clothes and new designs. Sadly they've gone now.
I was always a bit of a 70's throwback and always had a soft spot for the whole Rolling Stones skinny rock star look. All Chelsea boots, skinny jeans and frock coat. Rock and roll debauchery with a hint of English tailoring. But when you're weighing in at 15 and half stone and drinking heavily in the Rose & Crown that kind of passed me by. I was always fond of the whole 70's 'mancamp' look. Roger Moore, The Professionals, 6 Million dollar man, The Sweeney, The Bee Gees, Tom Jones. Punk passed me by as i was too young, so the 70's thing stuck from an early age.
I was at a free rave once, with everyone E' ing off their tits, all dressed in Stussy or baggy clothing and I had on a pair of zip up Cuban heeled boots, multi colour flares, denim shirt and waistcoat. It was almost impossible to look a dick and misfit in an open air rave full of travellers. But I did. That's me see. I don't fit a certain style and have always gone my own way.Sometimes I get it so wrong and attract piss taking but I suppose Icons have to be prepared to cop some flak. (Joke)
Since I stopped drinking in 2001, I have gradually lost weight. Every year slimming down. I started to look better get fitter and women suddenly started to find me attractive. My look and clothes changed throughout this time to reflect my new found body.
I remember when I was young thinking that if I could only wear a T-shirt like normal people instead of looking like Barbara Windsor in Carry on Camping I would be alright. When I lost the weight and wore a t-shirt i still didn't feel OK, so I know it's not the aesthetics, though it has had an influence on my style in 'middle age'
It was around 2004 when I entered into a brave new world and bought my 1st ankle length cowboy boot. I started experimenting with Jeans. 1st the bell bottom, then to a tighter jean and finally to skinny ladies jean and Italian boots. I started to wear tighter jeans, polo necks, tight t-shirts & good tailored jackets. The hair got more blond. My clothes got tighter until now they are tighter than a morph suit. My jeans are effectively leggings. I've stuck with the style for years. Add in a few leather jackets etc and I'm done.
Don't get me wrong I love a v neck jumper, beautifully tailored suits, 3 piece, double cuff cut away collar shirts, shorts, flip flops but always with a tight vest to show off the guns. I suppose my look is based purely on showing off my body and is ultra gay with a hint of 70's Roger Moore. A disgraceful thing to admit and one which makes me ultra embarrassed but there you are. I am that shallow. I guess looking fit, lean and muscular is still a novelty for me so I wear clothes that unsubtly show it off. What a ponce hey? Having said that I look a fuck of a load better at 40 than I did at 30 or 20.
I am living in reverse from most blokes. They were thin and fashionable when they were younger, I wasn't but now they are nudging 35-40, they are a little wider around the middle and they are confused as to what their 'look' should be. They are what the fashion world call 'no mans land'. Many are in a style crisis. What the hell do they do?
Even I am starting to have doubts. Surely the tight jeans need to go now I'm 40 and replaced with something more relaxed? Perish the thought of buying some 'easyfit' jeans. Then it really is time to give up. Today I caught myself looking at Tweed jackets and hunting out cardigans. A man in search of knitwear is a man in search of his middle age identity. I bought neither. JSA doesn't stretch to that.
To be fair most of my pals never had style in their 20's anyway. They are blokes. Jumper, t-shirt and jeans was about it. A few of them made bit of an effort sometimes but they were not fashion conscious men, not that I like people who are fashion conscious anyway. They were men's men.
Now they are having a style crisis. The jeans, t-shirts and hoodies etc of their 20's no longer suit a 40 year old dad. Trying to look like 'One Direction' can lead to public humiliation. It was all kicked off by a pal i wrote about on Saturday. His boss told him he looked shit and to style himself on Gary Barlow. Hence his new nickname Gary Marlow (guess where he lives)
It got me thinking about how do guys style themselves? Who is out there as examples to base yourself on? If of course you want to base yourself on someone.
Gary Barlow v Robbie Williams
Lets take the Gary Barlow v Robbie Williams debate. Interesting that Barlow used to be fat and uncool and Williams cooler and more pop starry. Now the roles are reversed. Barlow is fit and dresses smart, sharp and cut tailored stuff. Unfussy but sharp. He looks good with the preppy boy 80's wedge cut that has made a come back.
Williams just looks wrong. Still retaining that street fashionable pop star thing that makes him look like a bit of a twat. (In my opinion) What do you think? Barlow v Williams? It's got to be Barlow. I've had tons of abuse on the blog over the last few days about how I look. Chavy, Scrawny, pathetic, failed rock star. At least Williams is one I guess. If I've got a touch of the Williams' i know it's time for a restyle. Oh god have I?
The Barry Gibb Syndrome
Then you have the Bee Gee dimension. Or specifically the Barry Gibb Syndrome. Slightly older but interesting. This was a man of magnificent bouffant, beard, teeth and ultra tight strides in his heyday. A powerful look. But instead of tailoring it over they years he's kept it all. Now the hair is thin and long and grey, the face fatter and the beard still resolutely hanging on. Here is a man caught in a style time warp. He can't let it go. It's a 'Tradegy'. We can all learn the lesson of the Gibb.
David Beckham
Beckham is next of course. The man is a walking style victim. Employing several hundred stylists to change his image every hour. However to be fair to him he's a good looking boy and he's stylish. Even with the ridiculous tache combo. He's got a decent look and tailoring it to his age. It takes a bold man to do a Beckham in normal life, so we'll leave him be as someone not to emulate but just to wish you were even if you had to put up with the missus who never eats or smiles.
Tom Jones
The grandad of them all. Tom Jones. Now the Jones factor is also interesting. This was a man who had the Gibb syndrome for years. Trying to keep hold of the past but ending up looking like Peter Sutcliffe. Nobody should look like the Yorkshire Ripper. Dyed Afro and goatee retaining the look long after it had gone past his sell by date. It was only when his son and manager said to him one day 'Enough Dad. You look a prick.' that he stopped dying his hair, dressed in suits, got a deep tan and white hair and now women love him once again. Chicks love older guys with white hair who look rugged. It's that whole experience and confidence thing going on. He's pulled it back from the brink but spent years in the wilderness and style crisis. Welcome back Tom boyo.
He went from Tom Jones, Gay hunk of the valleys, to Peter Sutcliffe and back to mature Tom again.
The Statham
Then you have the whole Jason Statham thing. Rugged, a little scruffy. Battered leather jackets, boots and big biceps. It's a powerful look but one that just doesn't come from a trip to Top Man. You have to go All Saints for that, speak in a heavy growl & take loads of steroids to muscle up. Most of us can't pull it off. We just end up looking like we should be working at Kwik Fit. Statham's got that market covered. My advice boys. Leave well alone.
Hell on Earth - Clarkson
God forbid me or anyone I know end up going down the Clarkson route. It's game over then. Suicide the only remaining option. The whole jacket and jean thing I suppose is inevitable but if you do it with a pair of deck shoes and t-shirt underneath you need shooting boys. Clarkson is a lesson to us all. Your just one step away from the ultimate sin. Cameron. And I'm talking David not James. If that happens chaps it really is game over. Immediate death is the only self respecting thing to do.
It's a jungle out there men. However lets face it girls, most blokes are totally rubbish at choosing their own clothes. Men mostly have no idea but they wouldn't dream of listening to their wives will they? Oh no criticism has to come from an authority figure. A boss. An older mate. A celebrity. In the end they will of course rely on their women to buy them clothes. It just takes a while. Male pride is a complicated thing.
I worked in M&S when I was 15 in the men's fashion department. It was like a scientific experiment as wave upon wave of pathetic mild mannered meek plankton cock less men were instructed around the shop floor by their women, without a clue of what to buy or wear.
This is why people like Gok Whan exist now. I'd love to see Gok out and about in Llanelli on a Saturday Night. That's a whole new TV show in itself. Gok gets gang beaten by a load of Ben Sherman wearing beer swilling fashion nazis'. 'What the fuck are you wearing Mun, you look like a fucking clown you fucking mincing poncing ........" Now where is that number for UK Living?......
So there you have my style guide for middle aged men. Do you think I can make it into GQ with that one?
The inevitable slide into middle age happens to us all. But my advice, Try and hold it off for as long as possible without slipping into the Gibb syndrome. Fight the temptation for 'comfort fit' jeans. Stay clear of the Farah trouser or chino for as long as possible. Don't go near the Fleece. Make knitwear your friend. Embrace the world of the cardigan. A man comfortable with a range of knitwear and cardigans is a man comfortable with his soul. One final tip boys - Shop in Zara & All Saints it's haven for a middle aged man. And if your looking for suits, M&S do some wicked ones just watch out for the trouser legs, they are wider than Katie Prices' snatch.
PS - Read my piece on the day I got Barred from Bikram Yoga. If you do I get paid. Fair deal?
http://www.dontmindlife.com/?p=1201
xx
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