Lets take today for instance. For most of it I spent it in my head (again). Nothing dramatic happened and to the outside world nothing seemed wrong. I got on with what I needed to, didn't cause any dramas, life carried on as normal. Except in my head I was disconnected, fearful, anxious, moody, mildly depressed and generally low.
I isolated. Two people called but I didn't take the calls then I felt miserable because no-body had phoned. Is that a subtle form of insanity or what? I was fearful to even call people. Making myself feel lonely so i had an excuse to feel low. The weird thing is despite 11 years of sobriety i still forget i suffer from alcoholism. It is out to get me and my thinking. I seem to regularly forget when I'm not plugged into AA. It's like I'm a goldfish. Weird.
In the evening I went to my meeting, took someone new out for a coffee, discussed the subtle mental foe called alcoholism and BOOM, i realised i had been in it all day and the meeting (along with helping someone after but that makes me sound like an egotistical do gooding wanker) helped to shake me out of it.It's only taken me 11 years to learn this. Slow learner.
I felt so much lighter. Suddenly the world seemed a better place. There was lightness and hope. The people in the street weren't so annoying. I was able to listen clearer, the music in my car sounded better. I had been lifted out of me. I was human again. What a stroke. God I'm so lucky. A meeting to me is like Prozac to a depressive. It so helps me and i genuinely believe I'm lucky to have them. I can't say I will go for ever, but I certainly hope I do otherwise Radio Nick will play loudly and inevitably end up with a drink.
I could tell i felt better as I was able to notice the scantily dressed girls on the piss in Richmond High Street. The bloke I was with also noticed and fired off a text to someone he knew saying 'You look better than all the tarts in Richmond'. It got me thinking about compliments. That one probably won't make the top 10. I know where he's coming from but it's pretty clumsy.
It got me thinking about compliments. I have received some belters and bitches over the years. Some great ones and some not so great. I have also dished out some howlers in my time. Is it better not to receive one than get one at all? And sometimes it's hard to receive compliments isn't it?
Firstly what does Compliment mean?
Compliment
Merriam-Webster defines a compliment as “an expression of esteem, respect, affection, or admiration; especially : an admiring remark”. It comes from Middle French, via the Italian complimento, and the Spanish cumplimiento, which originates from the Latin verb cumplir: to be courteous.An expression of esteem, respect, affection, admiration. So it's a positive comment towards someone you feel worthy & the receiver should feel good about getting one. It's a good thing to do. If you like something about someone then it's good to tell them.
We all like compliments but deep down you want good ones. Great looking, top bloke, funny, handsome, pretty, great lover, beautiful, gorgeous eyes, looking good, clever, good taste, original, great work. Whatever it is as long as it's positive. Generally they differ between men and women. Women usually would go for the physical or emotional compliment. A man may compliment a woman on how she looks, what she is wearing, her scent, her beauty, her eyes.
Whereas men like to be complimented on their prowess, their strength, their masculinity. Yes of course looks and style is important too but slightly different from the female compliment.
It is when the compliments are underwhelming that it becomes dodgy. For women try 'clean', 'good cook', 'loyal', 'nice teeth', 'not as big as i thought', 'good mother'. Any of these are guaranteed to make a woman feel like shit and doubt if they are with the right man. They are not really compliments but signposts for divorce. Women want to feel appreciated, wanted, admired, desired, noticed and loved. Compliments should reflect this and make them feel gooey inside, instead of depressed. I'm undecided where 'You look better than Richmond tarts' sits on the list.
For men bad compliments can include, 'good driver', 'like a brother', 'really good friend', 'dependable', 'good listener', 'nice hands', 'honest face'. These are dreadful. Men want to be noticed as strong, powerful, manly, handsome, rugged, great lover, great fighter, incredible, amazing, superb. Anything humble like that rather than someone who parks well and is too nice for a woman to fuck.
Is it better not to receive one like that or not at all?
Then of course you have 'compliments to the chef', 'complimentary drink' and my personal favourite 'compliments slip' which I like to childishly call 'incontinent slip'. Juvenile.
The opposite of compliments of course is criticism, which is no bad thing, hard as it is to take constructive criticism, usually from your closest loved ones can be useful and enlightening. It's when criticism turns into abuse or constant complaining that it becomes destructive and no good.
Yes we have all made mistakes, me more than most and many times over but if we are crucified and criticised for our very essence what good is that?
Nobody wants smoke blown up your ass to feed the ego. Waste of time. Just like abuse. This is also unwelcome.
So where does that leave us? Back in Carluccios in Richmond on a Friday night after the meeting with this bloke who's going on and on about the 'tarts in Richmond' and how his bird is better than them. MMM, bet she can't wait to be complimented once again it's a bit like saying Jodie Marsh pisses all over Katie Price. Or is that vice versa. Now there's a thought. Where's the number for UK TV Living. I've an idea for a gameshow......
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