The reason why I'm here in Gibraltar? In my part time professional life when I'm not signing on amongst other things I'm a tip top marketing/PR/events/Compere type thingamajig. A good pal of mine and former client is launching a business here and I have been drafted in to run, host and compere the event. Today I am MC Evans of Gibraltar. King quip of quip land. Jock of the Rock.
God knows why but I appear to have a good reputation in certain parts. Despite looking like a camp Gordon Ramsay/Bill Nighy I'm apparently highly thought of. Today I was unleashed on Gibraltar.
The sun shone brightly, the weather was warm. I woke up early with great intentions to run round the island, looking out to sea and then up the rock. I opened my eyes, looked at the sun, made a mental note that it would make me feel great so I promptly shut my eyes and went back to sleep. Since when do i do things that are healthy to me?
It was time for the hotel breakfast. An all time classic. Decent hotels have decent breakfasts. Cheap ones have bollocks ones serving nothing but Continental breakfasts. Continental breakfasts are otherwise known in English as 'shit'. It's not a breakfast is it? Croissant and meats? That's a filler. Not a breakfast. At home I settle for a few cups of tea and silk cuts, here because we are in a good hotel I had time to go through the card. An absolute pleasure.
You have to start off on the fruit and yogurt. Stopping there would be a crime. You would feel like you've missed out. Next it's cereal. A selection of most of it with a few banana chips thrown in for good measure. Probably around 2-3 bowls. THEN it's time for the Continental breakfast. Croissants, pastries and toast. A meats and cheeses course is optional. Just to be social & sophisticated? Finally you move onto the real deal. The cooked breakfast. But here there was a dilemma. Scrambled eggs or full English? In my glory days of 15 stone there would be no choice. Now? Well I've got to think of my ultra camp look and ridiculous skinny jeans so I plumped for smoked salmon and scrambled eggs. The millionaires breakfast. Well for me it's the JSA breakfast.
Of course you feel dreadful afterwards. So full and stuffed the only thing you are good for is a massive lie down. Thank god I don't live in a hotel. I would be the 50 ton guest.
Then it was time to spruce up for the day. 3 piece suit, pressed white shirt, shiny black shoes, Windsor knot red tie (colour of Gibraltar flag) and massive poncy quiff. I tried to style the quiff on the shape of the rock but ended up looking like Jedwood. Not a good look for a 40 year old man or someone yet to meet his first Prime Minister. Then it was a quick splash of Right Guard and D&G 'The One' and i was ready for...bed. 4 hours kip in last of the 3 nights has taken it's toll.
We got to John Mackintosh Square at 10am, catering sorted, branding sorted, stage sorted, PA system sorted. The DJ enquired whether I wanted commercial or deep house music. 'I don't care guvnor, anything as long as it's not Robbie Williams' was my reply. Having been subjected to his new song in the taxi, prolonged exposure would lead to immediate thoughts of suicide. Dreadful.
The Mayor's parlour where the reception would be looked splendid and finally Marussia F1 rolled in their F1 car and placed it in front of the stage. A magnificent bit of kit attracting huge attention from the locals and hundreds of pictures. The cars cost around £1million, a steering wheel alone costs around £75k, no wonder we weren't allowed to get in one. The drivers cock pit is tiny, I swear drivers have to be smaller than a freezing tadger.
And then after 5 minutes, it was boring. Yes it's a great piece of engineering, yes it's sexy, yes it's F1. But at the end of the day it's a car. Car's have never been my thing. The only thing i care about in cars is does it get me from A to B and has it enough room for late night dogging? No chance of that in the F1 car.
And so to 12.30pm. The crowd was large and gay boy here clambered up on stage and did the whole MC thing. Car was unveiled by Miss World & Miss Gibraltar (I refrained from asking them to unveil themselves on the microphone in front of 500 people and all the Government cabinet) & everyone had fun.
Then it was upstairs to the Mayor's parlour. Bit different from my Nan's parlour although they did serve tea in saucers and cut the sandwiches in quarters. 90 business people for the launch which I hosted. The first time I've introduced a Mayor & Prime Minister, thank god i practised their names. Then I hosted a Q&A with Marussia F1 (which I managed to sound and look vaguely interested even though my head was saying something else), an Olympic Gold medalist, Allan Wells who won 100 m in 1980. (I listed my achievements next to his gold in European, Commonwealth & Olympic games - I won the shot put in Cox Green Comprehensive School Sports Day Under 11's once) and that was it.
An eclectic day & the first time I have hosted such an event, interviewed an Olympic gold medalist, introduced a Prime Minister and a Miss World. I know this is going to sound twattish but I'm rather good at it.
All I wanted to do is sunbath for the rest of the day but we had to hang around. I managed a late afternoon kip but we had to all go out for dinner again. By this stage I had been in the company of security men for too long and my chat was dry. We dined in a place that had Chicken and Coriander inside giant Yorkshire Puds and the menu had pictures of the deserts. Enough said. My mind raced back to Llanelli.
So there you have it a good day. Back home tomorrow but a much better experience this time round. Everyone I've met has been genuinely warm, open, friendly and clearly proud of their roots and country. It is a small community and with it comes a charm and sweetness you rarely see in London. It's been a positive time plus of course 20 degrees and sunny weather makes a huge difference in November. I almost forget the horrors of the UK winter that awaits.
There's something about seeing people's pride and dignity in their roots that I find ever so inspiring and warm. It makes me feel good inside. Plus lot of women around the square did the whole Latino slut look of high heels and leggings. That and sunshine all day. Whats not to like?
xx
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