I'm not going to lie, this blog is a filler. It's the blog equivalent to tuna and sweetcorn, egg mayonnaise or chicken & bacon, just not quite as tasty or messy. That's not to say this blog on occasions hasn't been messy. It has. But we're talking about a whole different mess to that caused by a semi runny sandwich filling.
I have half written an 'Evans Guide to Christmas' but got stuck. Should i do a 'Blokes Guide to Christmas' and 'Evans Guide' or a general one? Should I focus on one element or several? I got confused and the day ran out on me. Hence this 'filler'
It's half finished and besides I had other things to do. Like prospect for work to try and get something called an 'income'. Apparently it helps to earn money so you can do lovely things like eat, live in a house, pay for a phone, congestion charge, parking tickets, gum, fags, debts, insurance, gym membership you rarely use etc etc.
The government says the legal amount an adult can live on in this country is £71 a week. Are they taking the piss? After you've done 20 fags, petrol, gum, diet coke, lunch in Carluccio's, phone, gym, grub, newspapers, Ironman magazine, downloaded a few songs from ITunes, rented a couple of movies from Blockbuster, got a couple of coffees from Costa, bought a new cardigan from TK Max and paid for membership to Serbian Sluts chatline you haven't got much change out of £100. That;s not even adding bills, rent, insurance, loan repayments and savings. The Government should raise the legal living allowance to £711 a week. The JSA would be far more appealing then.
Headline news today? It's St Andrews day. Who cares I'm Welsh. Other than to say i ran a Scottish Rugby club in London for 6 years and really enjoyed wearing a black kilt, thought the rugger buggers called it a skirt. I never went commando as there is nothing worse then having your old chap exposed to an audience of 1000. If i was hung like a horse then I'd have done it all time. But when your 'average' then you have to play safe.
That's a thought. What is the average cock size? Obviously blokes get a little hung up (no pun intended) on chap size. Is the average 6 inches? If so then thank god I'm slightly over that (Too much information). Anything under and you're going to have to get a big car or earn a shit load of money to compensate. Small cock syndrome essentially drives this country.
It's a well known fact that all men of power over the years have had small cock syndrome. Lets face it if you have a beast between your legs you don't have to try or put any effort in do you? You have nothing to prove. Churchill? More like Chipolata. Hitler. He had one the size of his moustache. Mussolini? He had a longer name than dick. The list goes on.
Girls say 'It's not how big it is it's how you use it'. Yeah right. If you're hung like a flea no matter what you do there;s always going to be something lacking. A little like lesbianism or Liverpool FC. Pretty but lacking oomph.
Then again many girls say hung blokes are lazy and think that's enough. WRONG again. Girls like a guy to put a bit of effort into their love making. Like turning off the TV for instance. Most guys seem to think that a slap to the arse during sex is what all women dream of. Not sure why i guess it's something to do with young exposure to porn,
This is dangerous as boys grow into men thinking the way to make love to a woman is to slap her and say 'who's the daddy'. Obviously in post Jimmy Saville times this has taken on a rather nauseating turn.
On the other hand blokes grow up thinking girls love sex and want to be slapped. Blokes think the words 'harder, harder' are poetic. Again this is a popular misconception. Try it out on your girlfriend tonight and let me know how hard she slapped you in the face.
I'm not sure why I went from Tuna filling sandwich to deepthroat. That was a weird journey.
Back to today, I worked in the morning, early afternoon and retired home mid afternoon. Watched Ted whilst cycling which was funny and out of order which I love and then spent the evening trying to write
Looks like my Bikram Yoga article has now been read by over 1000 people and earned me a few quid, so I'm happy about that and things are OK for today.
Apologies about being gross and talking cock. It just came out. At least that's my excuse, though the judge never accepted that as a reasonable explanation.
xx
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