Day 311 - Weds 21st Nov - How to Pray. A Beginners guide to Faith and God

My neighbour excelled himself this morning. The weather was even worse than yesterday. Windy, pouring rain, dark and grim. I headed out for an early(ish) morning run. 10km with 3 killer hill sprints (well faster run than a plod) and 100 box jumps.

On my way back my neighbour was heading out the door. "Morning how are you doing?" I asked. "Terrible, fucking rubbish" came the reply. "Oh well at least it's not pissing down", I cheerfully smirked before scurrying indoors keen not to catch his unbridled misery.

The first words I heard by another human today were 'terrible, fucking rubbish'. A cracking start to the day. I'm enjoying our little morning exchanges. It actually cheers me up to have the worlds most negative man living next door. Makes me look positively glowing.

Another awful drama has been started by someone close which saddens me, although I'm totally powerless over it. Upsetting to see others affected though. I hate mental illness & alcoholism, though you just have to accept it is part of life. Everyone has bad cards played in their life. Everyone has problems and family difficulties.

I've heard of some awful ones lately and I guess we are all in it together and have to find our own way. The key is trying to deal with it with a good heart and a liberal dose of tolerance. So easy to say and exceptionally difficult to do. It's easy to dive off the deep end and judge, criticise, get angry and look to make it better. But some things you can't make better. Some things you have to just let go and do your best. Not my natural inclination as I want to get in there and sort it. Not even the Great Nick can do that on this occasion. Nor any other if I'm being honest with myself.

So where does that leave you? Well if all else fails it's got to be God I reckon. Bare with me here, don't switch off thinking 'he's off his rocker I don't want to read about religion or God'. Well I'm not going too. My version of God is something other than me. Outdoors. Sunrise, a higher being, a power, an energy, a group of people. Whatever it is you believe in that's cool. But for arguments sake lets just call it God. Not God as in the Morgan Freeman style God in Bruce Almighty (God doesnt do Insurance adverts), or a conventional Religious God. That's not my thing, however i do believe and I'm quite prepared to hand all this over to him as I'm fucked if I or any other member of my family can do anything about it. It's a bit bigger than any human power this one.

I prayed hard today. In fact I prayed like a bastard. If indeed you can pray like that. I'm not exactly sure what to, or if I'm doing it right but I prayed. It helps me to have a faith. Life is pretty raw and nasty neat sometimes.

Some people see praying as a cop out. A form of weakness if you like. That is cool by me. I did too years ago. Whether you be into organised religion, atheism, Buddhism or swinging I don't care. That is your choice, but things work out better for me when I have a faith and try to hand life events over to a higher power. It acts as a cushion, a buffer. I'm pretty small and powerless over many things so if i give it the big I Am, then basically I'm heading for problems. A collision course with the world.

If I'm honest I'm not sure if I pray correctly. The only guide book is the bible or Koran, but if you're not into organised religion you're pretty much left to get on with the praying thing yourself. Obviously if you get guidance from God then you've been at the Mushrooms but I pray without knowing if I'm doing it right.

Do you kneel down? Sit up, can you do it on the move? Can you smoke whilst praying? Should you clasp your hands together and close your eyes? Is it a petition? Do you start with 'Dear God please can I win the Euro Lottery, it's a double rollover', Should you pray for others, how long should it be for? Should it be like a conversation with a loved one? Can you pray in the car? First thing in the morning? What if someone sees me? All these questions and I'm not sure I've got the answers.

The only two things I KNOW about praying are;

1 - Don't pray for specific things. Lottery win, 3 some, whatever. Doing it for your own selfish means is a waste of a prayer (like phone a friend in Who wants To Be a Millionaire)

2 - Don't pray whilst drying your hair. I should imagine God doesn't like you multi tasking whilst praying. Disrespectful. How busy can one be?

All I know is it makes me feel better. To feel that there is someone or something on your side. To know that I or other humans don't control all destiny. It's like a nurofen for my soul and I like it.

I see others who have faith (No matter what in) and they seem to have an inner peace and calmness I find attractive. You can always tell if someone is comfortable with themselves. They radiate a quiet confidence. I want that. They tend not to have to chew gum all the time, smoke, drink diet coke, look for approval, be on the move, constantly prove themselves, seek pleasure, feel fear, take on challenges. Win. They just seem to have a humble and quiet confidence that things will be OK.

Of course having faith doesn't mean to say that bad life shit doesn't happen to you, or that you're some kind of superior being to people who don't believe or have faith. That's where i find organised religion and narrow minded view of God unappealing. That sort of arrogant 'If you don't follow our faith in God then you are in the dark not like us who are enlightened' type attitude. That's a real turn off for me.

I know people of  religion who may devote themselves to God and faith and the Church but have some of the most narrow minded views around, my own Grandfather Idwell Isaac was one of them. A welsh Preacher of Fire & Brimstone but so narrow minded. Is that what God would want for us? I guess we are all different. No worse. No better.

Sometimes I talk to Idwell, or my other Grandfather, or my Father or my Nan as a prayer. They have all passed away and I sometimes talk to them. Asking them to 'sort something' for me. Or look after my family. Or to help out sick members of my family. But it doesn't work like that does it? If prayer was a petition to God to take away life's nastiness there would never be illness, death, war or accidents would there. It's the way of the world my job is to concentrate on my reaction on it.

So I'm going to continue praying like a bastard. Maybe one day it will feel something, I will feel connected to it instead of praying like I'm running through a shopping list. But one things for certain. God, if you are reading this blog because you've got some downtime, taking a break from being Omnipotent, I know I shouldn't ask but just a wee Lottery win? A couple of million. It doesn't have to be the Euro. I'm not greedy. But I can sort me Mum out. She could do with a break. And my brother and nieces. They're going through a hard time. I promise I won't spunk the money on white suits and diamond earrings.I'd help people with it. Open a rehab. An arts school. A place for the mentally ill. Of course I'd take a few holidays and sort myself out first. I mean I'm not a Saint God. I'm well selfish and materialistic in parts. Then again if you're God you knew that.

Oh shit, I've just broken rule number 1. God was probably enjoying the blog up until that part. I hope I haven't just cursed myself for eternal bad luck. Still at least i didn't write it whilst drying my hair.

Finally On this day in 1905 – Albert Einstein's paper, Does the Inertia of a Body Depend Upon Its Energy Content?, was published in the journal "Annalen der Physik". This paper revealed the relationship between energy and mass. This leads to the mass–energy equivalence formula E = mc².

Now that is a fucking blog title in itself. Who would have thought 107 years after the publication  Enstein would have had to review his publication is in today's world there is far too much body Mass and not enough energy. How do you like them Apples Albert?

xx