Day 297 - Tues 6th November - Waking up from the slumber & Facebook can be positive

"Life is something that happens when your busy making plans"
  John Lennon

Great quote isn't it. I was thinking about plans this morning. Thinking. Always too much bloody thinking. I had to prize myself into the car as I suffered a terrible allergic reaction to work at breakfast time. It's an awful allergy. Side effects include compulsive tea drinking, knobbing about on the computer, incessant inner dialogue saying, 'go tomorrow' and Homes Under the Hammer.  Fatal.

I woke with a Bee Gees song floating around my head after dreaming about a girlfriend I didn't recognise being kidnapped. Pick the bones out of that one Dr Freud. No doubt it stems from an inner childhood trauma of being a massive closet gaylord and being abandoned and left alone in a room full of men in tight jeans, massive teeth and skin tight bell bottoms singing in falsetto through hairy beards. I think early exposure to the Bee Gees when I was an infant has clearly had an effect, hence the tight jean failed rock star look. It's nuture not nature.

Such was my slumber I went through the day on auto pilot. Barely mustering the enthusiasm to speak. I naturally left early (to beat the traffic of course) - No chance of hitting rush hour on the north Circular when you leave at 12.30pm (I left at 4pm) to get home.

When I got home the slumber was on me, I contemplated all the things I could do this evening. A meeting. A sponsee to go through le steps. Cinema, Yoga, Gym, work, comedy, or adult related  material? The sponsee cancelled so I had free reign but the slumber and lazy sod inside me screamed 'sofa, sofa, sofa ' loudly. It was calling, all warm and snuggly as the dark, winter wet and wild evening howled outside. The curtains were shut, the heating on full blast. An evening of snuggly slumber lay ahead.

Then I had a quick look on Facebook. I have love hate relationship with Facebook. It can be a drain on the brain and a massive waste of time. It can be a reason to promote your life as a means to look better than it is. It can be used as a massive attention seeking exercise, it can be ultra dull and of course it can be used to be a nosey bastard on other people's lives (I actually rarely look at other people's profiles, far too self centred for that)

I also feel I should be above it and intellectually better than using such a mass popular cultural tool. I naturally hate anything popular and want to go against the grain and rebel. Usually it's a small minded pathetic little rebellion that no-one in the world knows about but it makes this little soldier happy. I laugh at my futility and small mindedness.

On the timeline was a guy I know in Dubai. He posted some pictures of him trail running across the Dubai desert. He appears to have changed his life around entirely & is into it big time. Getting up at 6am and doing long runs with groups of people around the desert and he's lit up. He loves it. He looks great and I was jealous. I thought since the marathon you've been going through the motions Nick. I've become lazy, slumberfied (is that a word?) and slothful.

Inspired by this chap I immediately put on my running kit and went out into the dark night and knocked out a swift 50 min 10km run. Something I hadn't done for months and it felt good. I felt reinvigorated and enjoyed it. I realised how much it helps my head. Gives me focus and a bit more spark.

On the run I decided to do the Dubai marathon in Jan 2013. 3 months to train, over the lardy Xmas period and something to look forward to for the new year. I immediately felt more hopeful. Like I can take that into my working life and social life and give things a bit more of a crack. It gave me my Mojo back. I'm always banging on about setting fitness goals or events to aim for. Er sometimes it's good to take your own advice Nicholas Edward.

It made me realise I know people with Cancer who are doing half marathons and hardcore fitness classes. Pushing themselves, not giving into a disease. They aren't feeling sorry for themsleves. They're giving it a go

It made me realise I know people who are doing things they love despite having lots of responsibilities giving them a spring in their step and positive impact on the rest of their lives. They're giving it a go.

It made me realise I know people, even in my own family who are knocked down regularly but always get back up for more and 'have' life & spark. They're giving it a go. People are doing stuff and seem to be happy. I want some of that. What the hell is slumbering on the sofa in my own head watching shit going to achieve? Heart disease, Obesity & mental flabbiness. Thats what.

No wonder ego maniac queens send me frustrated comments, no wonder former alcoholics no longer going to meetings living in resentment send me shitty comments.  I reckon I would sometimes if I followed me every day.

I felt much changed when I came back from the run. Lighter, happier and less self absorbed. I realised just how much of a fog I've been in for a while without even realising it. I churned out a couple of hours work, even going round Asda at 9pm was OK. I stayed well clear of the Haslet & Vienetta so I must have been inspired. I like Asda as there are Many leisure slacks and elasticated trousers all round. It always cheers me up.

It made me remember a watershed moment in my sobriety. I was 2 years sober and in Homebase on a Friday night. Usually Friday nights were for the whole world to party and if I wasn't I felt left out, alone, sad and miserable. But this Friday I was buying a lamp and listening to a Roy Orbison track on the PA. I checked myself and instead of wanting to commit suicide I was humming and tapping my foot. I smiled and laughed. It was OK to be dull. Roy Orbison wasn't quite so bad and neither was I. I didn't need to be out on a Friday prooving to my ego I'm not a dullard. And so what if I am? I may have to accept that I am duller than I look. I'm OK with that.

Final word is about the US Presidential elections tonight. I don't know an awful lot about American politics but I know it's a charade and America is insane. Here's my top 3 Election thoughts;

1 - 46.2 million Americans live below the poverty line & require food vouchers. 15.1 million children live in poverty. 1 in 4 single mothers are jobless and without cash. Welfare has been consistently cut over last 10 years. Cost of the US Presidential election? $6 billion. $6 frigging billion! Doesn't take Sherlock frigging Holmes to work out that's not morally right. Right?

2 - US Republican Senator Richard Mourdock recently on a TV debate declared that anyone who conceives a baby after being raped does not have the right to an abortion as all conception is a 'gift from God'. Yes people he really did say it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN7e8YlE-8I
Calling all Rapists - can you please go to Mt Mourdock's house for a Rape party and show this misguided moron the way? Insane. If these people are in politics in America. It's doomed.

3 - If you say Obama in a strong west country accent it makes you laugh. Try it. Guaranteed to work. I'm pleased the UK gave the election all night coverage but not once did they say 'Obama' in a Bristol accent. They missed a trick there.

Doubt I'll be getting my invite to Question Time based on that shrewd political commentary. I think Paxman can rest easy tonight.

toodle pip
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