Today was all about Bond. James Bond. I finally went to see Skyfall.
Firstly I think I should share with you a monumental day. I actually worked solidly in an office, for a company between 9am and 4pm without a break. Fuck me what an achievement. I was actually disappointed when I left (to beat the traffic) that I wasn't given a round of applause and pats on the back.
I thought the MD should have given a speech;
"We'd like to thank Nick for doing what nearly everyone else in the world considers stunningly normal in grinding out a full day. He's battled chronic proscratination and sloth to produce this report and learn how to upload crucial news stories on the Joopla Internet software package. he even made everyone a cup of tea. Nicholas Edward Evans. We salute you. Your Grandfather and Uncles who were war heroes would be proud of your dedication to new media software packages. You are a hero. Well done. Please take the rest of the year off."
Why is it that I feel that I should feel ultra proud of myself for doing what most people don't think of as anything other than completely normal? Am I that special and different? I don't think so. It was a proud day in my family and I immediately rang my Mother up to share with her my good news. She sounded underwhelmed. Clearly my thinking is not normal. I must remember to keep it to myself sometimes.
Then I cleared my almost paralysing indecision to go and see Skyfall. I love a bit of Bond (who doesn't) but I wisely left it a few weeks for the crowds to die down so that I have an almost empty cinema to watch it in.
I can spread out then, put my feet up, get popcorn allover the place and really relax. The only thing I didn't do was put my dressing gown on and fiddle with my nuts. I plumped for dry roasted instead (lame joke but it's late)
Bond is pure escapism. Action, adventure, great locations and top costumes. Daniel Craig is a great Bond. When he was first cast i thought 'oh no. Too short and lightweight', but to be fair he's mean, moody, blue eyes, has got a touch of the Steve McQueens about him, has a fit body, looks good in a suit and supports Liverpool FC. I approve. If I was a girl I reckon I'd want to have it off with him (How long is it since you used that term in the 80's?) - so I'm not frightened to express a bit of man love for him.
Debating who was the best Bond is like debating the best football team. They belong to different eras. Of course no-one remembers Lazenby. The Bond that never was and a fucking Australian for Christ Sake. Connery was the daddy. He may have been a hairy Scottish Binman but he was ultra alpha until he started wearing a wig and then he lost his Bond magic. Nobody wants to see Bond wearing a syrup (Syrup of fig - wig) with more hair on his chest than head. He Loses all respect then.
The Bond of my era when I was growing up was The Roger Moorosaraus. A classic camp as fuck send up of Bond. I loved him. He did Live and let Die which remains my favourite Bond film and was a product of the era. All crimpoline flared suits and polo necks. He coined the whole 'Man camp' look and got to snog Jane Seymour or Solitaire. Christ my spunk sock took a battering over her.
Jaws was a classic but The Moore just went on too long and nobody likes to see a mid fifties Bond creaking his way around a cable car in a Safari Suit trying to bed women half his age. We'll leave that one to Freddie Starr. Though that's quarter his age.
Then Bond hit a dark era. Timothy Dalton had about as much charisma as a runny shit. He was lame and Bond hit the skids in the 80's when Dalton started to wear chinos and patterned jumpers. Bond should never go near a Pringle jumper. He's a fucking suit and slacks man all the way. Dalton fucked it good and proper. He was as Alpha as Graham Norton.
In fact Dalton was so bad he made Brosnan look like a God. He looked the part in a lovely tailored suit but had about as much substance as a detox. He was wooden and lame too. Bond looked old and out of date.
Then along came Jason Bourne and wiped the floor with the format. An uber solid nasty as fuck machine. Modern filming, urban and cool. It required a rethink and Bond changed with The Craig taking over the mantle. He played him cold as ice and as mean as Scottish synagogue. Bond was back.
So to Skyfall. Dubbed the best Bond ever. Well nothing will ever beat Live and let Die for me. The opening track, voodoo magic, Roger Moore in a black polo neck being fed to Sharks, Jaws and Solitaire looking like she'd been on Strictly Come Dancing. Of course i was a kid so that time will never fade.
Having said that Skyfall is a really good Bond. It's got everything you would expect of a Bond movie with many nods to the past including the Aston Martin and old school values. It's not as heavy on the gimmicks and it attempts to be a proper movie. Obviously Sam Mendes pulled out all the stops and it's a good un. The baddie in it is particularly good. Acting it up and pulling it off nicely. Craig is in good form and looks good. The scenery is stunning and he even gets to kill 3 Chinese dudes in a big Lizard pit at a Casino and then nail the fitty in the shower. Classic bond. I bet he wasn't learning Joopla fucking software packages that night.
So it gets my thumbs up. Accept i couldn't raise my thumbs as they were constantly buried in the mass of popcorn. For £13 a ticket and £5 for popcorn I'm fucked if I'm not going to create the worlds biggest mess and get my monies worth. In fact, fuck the thumbs it gets a toes up from me. They are the only part of my body not buried in popcorn.
If you haven't seen Skyfall yet. Do it. I won''t spoil it for you but basically in a nutshell Bond tries to save M from dying but fails. She dies. End of movie and blog
Night
xx
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