**This Blog comes with a warning. I've had sod all sleep and i'm tired and grumpy**
I've created an event. I'm trying to promote it, so i post it on Facebook and Invite people in my 'friends' list to come.
You don't really know 80% of the people on the list. They wouldn't come to your funeral after all, nor do they know your family's names. They won't come but you send it off anyway with some witty blurb about the event nobody reads in the vain hope they will come. You know you're fooling yourself but you do it anyway.
10% of the friends on the list are people you know so you could call them up and invite them personally but we live in a tenhnological telecommunications age, so you message them instead. Then you have the final 10% who are wild cards. People you really can't tell if they will come or not.
A few press 'Yes' but you know only 20% of them will actually show up. So whey press yes? Is it the ultimate people pleasing? You don't want to be seen to say no? Is it because you actually want to look like you have a social life even though you have about as much intention to show up as Mitt Romney's got for social justice.
It's like seeing someone you vaguely know for the 1st time in ages, having a chat and then on parting, saying the immortal lines just to be polite, "We should meet up for coffee". Now you both know that's shit and you have no intention, you don't even drink coffee but you go through the motions anyway. Or maybe people get a pleasure out of it Like pressing the button at traffic lights even though you have no intention on crossing the road, or saying to your girlfriend, "Yes you look beautiful in that".
Then you have the real odd ones. The ones who click 'yes' and actually come. Rock solid straight shooters. Word up you guys.
It's the 'Maybe's' I have a problem with. What actually is the point in the 'Maybe' button? It's a cop out. Are they teasing me? Playing hard to get?
"Ohh let me consult my social calendar first before i commit to a 'Yes' I have no intention of keeping". Who do these 'maybe's' think they are? Ginger f*****g Spice? Unless you've got a biopsy or Chemo or a funeral and you don't know the date you're a Yes, No or Ignore.
I quite like the 'No's' or even the people who don't respond. You know where you stand with those. It's black and white. No messing. Or just plain No. Besides we all get bombarded with so many events on facebook and other social media outlets we suffer a bit of event fatigue. I don't blame the No's. Just those sodding prima Donna 'Maybe's'
As you can tell I'm tired & grumpy today. Stayed up until 5am again watching Friday Night lights season 2. That's the second night on the bounce, I'm tired with huge dark circles but I've done 15 episodes. Only 5 left but I'm already panicking I've run out and haven't got season 3 left in the tank. Shit I'm running out of my fix.
I've had 7 hours kip in 2 nights and that's not good for me. So what did i do today? Well I helped someone out in the morning. Bought a new overcoat and retreated back to my bunker to cycle, write, watch FNL and generally get grumpy.
I watched Grand Designs and it tipped me over the edge. Some dude spent £2million converting a water cooler tower in London into an uber slick apartment. It was disgusting and set me off on a social justice rant and raised the hatred levels of all the middle/upper class money maniacs in London, more concerned with they stylish homes, in stylish parts of the capital with their stylish kitchens and wet room shower than what the fuck is going on in this City and country.
Where is the community? Where is the time for people? Capitalism and consumerism has taken over and I'm part of it. I didn't need a coat today. I don't need Twitter or a new IPhone fucking 5. I am as obsessed with the modern world as others. Am i that dull? Am I like all the other fucking clones more concerned with how someone looks on TV than the interview they are giving. Am i a style over content guy? If so kill me now.
Everything is so banal. Originality, artistic merit and social questioning has regressed. Is the next generation more concerned with the latest APP for IPhone 5 or X Factor than our community. Am i too guilty of looking within instead of helping my fellow man? Did i really need to spend £130 on a coat. I'm pretty sure that's not what Job Seekers Allowance is for.
London is losing it's identity. Who the fuck can afford to live here? Especially in the decent parts? Bankers, investment capitalist and other grey dullards more concerned with their Perfect little life and 'nice' furnishings than the world around us. Makes me angry.
I need to get my ass to Goa or somewhere to live frugally and easily for a while to regain perspective. To realise I don't need most of what i hold onto and are ingrained in every day. To realise i am a consumer greed junkie and in need of a spiritual readjustment.
I don't like what I see in this country, It's getting more and more selfish. I see people getting poorer, rich getting richer. I see higher cases of mentally Ill people with less treatment facilities. I see more people abusing alcohol and drugs, more people on anti depressants, higher rates of suicide, families on the brink. I see less belief in society and spending time with our fellow man. If I'm more worried about getting a navy overcoat how can I be thinking of others?
I see empty headed vacuous material obsessed people without any depth or social conscience and I'm sad. I'm angry. Films that are consumerist shit. X factor style TV that is brain dead creatively. People abused by celebrities selling their stories loudly playing the media carousel. What are our intentions here? Is it for the force of good as long as i make a few quid?
If your ambition in life is to live in a lovely house, with enough money to have 6 holidays a year, buy any clothes you want, send your kids to Private school and not have anything to do with the rest of society then good luck to you but yours is a life I wouldn't swap with. When i die and look back do i really want to say to God. I made a she load of cash and sorted myself out nicely.
It's made me question my moral compass. What AM I doing for others? How do I slot in with the world? What do I bring to it? Am i doing my best? It's easy to say all these things when I'm poor and non material. Yes i love clothes and cowboy boots. Yes i love to please myself and live a life of self centred pleasure. Does that make me a hypocrite? Probably.
But you know what. At least I'm honest. At least I see these things. At least I'm prepared to question myself. Does it mean I'll put my name down for Crisis at Christmas to sate my guilt and 'give something back'. No because to me that's like giving up 2 days and then spending the other 364 days in self again. It's lip service.
I need to reflect. Is writing about it enough? Do I help others enough? Am i really using my gifts for the good of others.I'm not talking about turning into a do gooder, I'm far too selfish about that and yes I like a pound note and material object as much as the next person. I like holidays and such. But surely i have a responsibility not to turn into a material money grabbing toss pot who just wants to live in Wimbledon Village and be another yuppie fucking clone and wear my jumper over my shoulders.
Christ I'm on one. Moral of the tale - Have more than 7 hours sleep in 2 nights and stop being an armchair ranter. Get out there and do something Nicholas Edward.
I'm starting tomorrow. I'm taking the coat back to TK maxx tomorrow. I don't need it. I don't want it now. Besides Zara have got a much better one for £120. See. Hypocrite. Nobody said it would be easy
xx
you'd shag that bloke to have his apartment on Grand Designs though - wouldn't you?
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