This Man Retreat was testing the water and in all honesty a well earned and needed break for married man. What goes on Man Retreat Stays on Man retreat, though really sod all happened. You can add all kinds of strains of Man Retreat. Depression, addiction, relationships, career, hopes and dreams. You could introduce workshops like 'how to change spark plugs'. If like me you get to 40 and have no idea, it goes to the heart of your masculinity.
What is Mans Retreat? Well at 40 we are 5 years away from the mid life crisis where you buy a motor bike, clothes that are too young for you and generally lose it for a little while. Also my pals are now married with young children so their lives are very different than before. Modern man has little in the way of release, expression of emotion and Man time. This is the whole concept of mans retreat. To reconnect and to reaffirm, talk and feel connected with other men again. Sometimes there are things you just cannot discuss with your woman and other men/good friends is a place to air it. It is good to share. Mans retreat follows the same basic code of all other forms of therapy. Sharing, identification and cooked breakfasts.
It's for man to think and mediate whilst looking out to sea;
Or Just to act like you're 12 years old again
Trouble is, it's impossible to do it all in a weekend. You arrive late Friday night, Saturday is relaxing and doing nothing and then it's time to leave on Sunday. Lessons to be learnt from Man retreat is that another 2 or 3 days are needed, although you may need to revisit accommodation. The Van this morning smelt like a Rugby changing room. There is little relaxing about the odour. Three Large men in a confined 2 bedroom caravan is recipe for disaster. Although I love my friends dearly Man needs space sometimes.
The clocks went back overnight. This meant another valuable hour of watching 'DIY Power Tool special' and more sleep. It also signifies the beginning of winter. Always a stark time of the year and also makes you wonder 'Why put clocks back and foward'? Whats the point? Now you have to wait 6 months for the clock in your car to tell the right time again. Pointless.
After taking 2 hours to write my blog I went out for a run along the Pembrokshire coast. This is where I'm at my happiest. It is my favourite scenery in the world. I truly love it. I urge anyone to go. The space, the landscape, the rocks, the cliffs, the horizon, the beach, the whole coastline is healing. I saw 30 fishermen, 2 winkle pickers (workers not shoes), cockle pickers and numerous locals walking. It is a special place. If I had a little money i would definitely get a little caravan or place down here to retreat for rest, thinking and peaceful time. It has healing properties.
Then after the final mans retreat breakfast of sausage sandwiches the married boys were effectively summoned home. Not specifically of course, just the subtle innocent question wives say 'so what time are you home, the kids are missing you'. This effectively is code for 'Don't you dare go to the pub and watch football all afternoon and have Sunday lunch and then get back at 11pm'. We left soon after.
It is one of the age old questions women ask. What did you do? What do men talk about? Similarly for men wondering what women talk about when they get together. Personally i imagine you girls talk about shoes, bags, sex, relationships, children, men, feelings, emotions, ridiculous male cum faces and Jason Statham. Am I right girls?
For men it's different. It depends who you are spending time with of course. Generally men don't really talk. We don't like chatting on the phone. There needs to be a purpose to the conversation and it has to be brief. When men are together they are masters of banter, taking the piss and talking about nothing. Hours can go by without anything meaningful and this is just the way they like it.
But when you hang with recovery men, this all changes. Then it is easier to be open and honest about inner thoughts, feelings ,fears and worries. In no particular order these were the subjects covered during the journey back. Kids, Marriage, sex life, depression, meetings, god, Premier league football, 4-4-2 or 3-5-2 formation, getting drunk in the old days, personality, the problem with you is....... , skodas, blogging, writing, business ideas.
So there you have it readers. I can't really disclose too much about what was spoken as that is personal to other people, suffice to say that what pleased me most about man Retreat was that there was some kind of purpose and success to it from the journey in terms of identification and helping a mate along the way. We talked out a number of really personal issues and were all able to make good suggestions. It was out in the open and a good means of communication. We even did that instead of listening to Liverpool v Everton on the radio so that tells you something about the level were were operating on.
Obviously it was great to spend time with old friends, I am very fortunate to have such good people in my life. It was great to reconnect with South West Wales and memories from childhood. It was lovely to see such wide open space, smell fresh sea air and enjoy simple pleasures. But most of all it felt good for Man Retreat to help just a teeny bit, a kick start to a better way of life. To throw away the layers of suppression and doing it solo, to open up and share.
The ultimate courage from Man Retreat is for Man to dare to be vulnerable. Now that requires tremendous strength and to all you girls reading it is probably one of the things that terrifies men more than anything else. Though we're dammed if we'd admit it to you.
We got back to Burges and his kids gave him a huge daddy welcome (touching moment) and I hung around for a while having a cup of tea, sitting with his kids whilst they ate tea. I even got to feed the 8 month old boy who spent most of his time throwing it away. Then the 18 month year old who is being potty trained peed all over the floor after telling me she caught her finger in the door and likes green cheese and the 3 year old spent most of the time trying to get spinach and ricotta pasta around her mouth rather than in it.
It was my cue to leave.
I am happy for my friends. They have lovely children, Life partners. A home. A life they are sharing. A family. Their perspective has changed. They have responsibilities which I see is a heavy burden sometimes but one I hugely admire.
I know that we are really on this planet to procreate. To nurture and grow. To pass on our experience. To be there. To be solid. I like the concept of marriage. Of sharing. Of building a life together. Of being there for someone through good times and bad. Of love. Of Live. I'm on board with that one.
Just not quite yet.
Man Retreat closes. I liked it & I love my friends
xx
No comments:
Post a Comment