I just can't be arsed. I'm not going to lie but i actually did fuck all today. I was the opposite of productive. Noductive. Is that allowed? I procrastinated, pontificated, avoided and stared. I just couldn't get out of the blocks. I was like a Ford Capri after Bodie and Doyle had ragged the arse out of it. I had as much focus as a space invader.
I woke up, 40 minute run, arsed about on the computer and before i knew it, it was 11am. I took a work call - how dare they and when i was asked 'you busy?' I had to lie and say yes, though the sound of the washing machine and Flog It! rather dispelled my answer.
I posted a parcel, paid a couple of bills, hopped on the bike on rollers in my living room and churned out a 40 min cycle whilst reading the papers. It made me feel worse reading about the bloke who jumped from space. Planning for 6 years to do it and making an amazing world record. A massive achievement - i found it hard walking 10 metres to put the rubbish out today, let alone jumping 26 miles to earth. Guilty.
I cheered myself up by doing a load of washing, changed the bedsheets and pillow cases (i got a good month out of them i am a man after all) and It was 3pm. Day's almost gone. That dude may have set the world free fall record and jumped 26 miles from space getting up to speeds of 850 miles an hour and breaking the sound barrier but I had clean bedsheets, How do you like them apples Red Bull?
I'm pretty sure captains of industry and multi millionaires don't have that kind of Monday though. Maybe i need to evaluate my motivation here?
I then arranged for a flyer for my comedy club to be designed, emailed out a database to encourage people to come to the next gig, posted a few details of the event on Facebook, messed around on Facebook (It's like a vortex of dull drawing you in and making you feel dirty for wasting your life), looked on Ebay to return the Friday Night Lights i bought that turned out to be in French and Dutch and it was now 4pm. Christ all mighty, where did the day go? Still i hadn't settled down to write my next piece for the Don't Mind Life website or do my business proposal for the company I'm helping to get off the ground.
Enough was enough, I hadn't been out. Frustrated by my lack of professional dynamism i decided i had to act. I had to go out. To do something constructive. So i decided to go and buy a new winter coat. Genius Nick! Of course, shopping for something i don't really need and waste money i don't really have will make me feel better. Why didn't i think of that before as a classic avoidance technique. So off I toddled to TK Max. Luckily i was saved from myself and couldn't find anything, mainly due to the fact that TK Max is shit. It should really be called TK Shit. I returned home empty handed and empty headed. It was 6pm.
I did another cycle, pissed around on the computer again and it was now 7.30pm. Time to get in my car and go to a meeting 9 miles away over the other side of town. I didn't have my commitment tonight, so guess what? Yes you guessed it I didn't go. I Just couldn't be arsed. (my catchphrase of the day said in a Gameshow voice in fact it would make a great Gameshow if I could only be arsed to write it.)
I watched 'Grand Designs', did a couple of work emails, spoke to a couple of people on the phone, wrote my blog and that was it. 11pm. Where the hell does anyone get enough time to actually work?
At least i didn't spend all day watching shit tellie or for that matter load myself up with Testosterone, cortisone and EPO and build an entire charity empire based on ego and lies. Nor did i fondle any under age girls whilst puffing on a cigar in a shell suit. So I best not give myself too much of a hard time.
Anyway I'm busy tomorrow. Got to sign on in the morning. Best not tell them about my Monday hey? But anymore of today and instead of helping the company I'm part of getting off the ground I'll be running it into it.
Old Nick surfaced today. New Nick tomorrow please God.
xx
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