Why was it better? Probably because i wasn't in my own head, thinking about me, putting things off all day. Self reliance nearly always makes me feel miserable. If i want to feel bad, all i need to do is spend a day in my own head, on my own, thinking about me. Guaranteed depression. If i add procrastination and putting off what i need to do it becomes like an Omnibus of Eastenders. Gloomy.
It is my constant battle. My natural inclination is to live in my own world in my head. I am naturally lazy and an arch procrastinator. I'd much rather things fall in my lap than to go out and get them. I wish I was born with that fight and determination to succeed, that ambition, but i come from a long line of lazy Welsh bastards, so i have to try and work with what I've been given.
I'm not lazy as in lay in bed for hours, watch TV and do totally nothing. I run, exercise and am actually a grafter. But when I have a free reign, when i don't have someone on my tail or bouncing ideas off someone, I struggle with focus. I tend to just do what i want to do for my own leisure and amusement. I guess not having a family, kids, full time job etc allows me to do that - but ultimately does that fulfill me? The answer has to be no. Oh and i;ll soon be panicking my ass off when the money runs out. Male escort anyone?
So today, after signing on, I did a cycle and hit a meeting. The theme was entire psychic change. Blimey what a theme. I was looking forward to the afternoon after that!
The topic was strangely 'self reliance' and how it generally makes you unhappy. Coincidence?
The point made was by thinking of others, concentrating on matters other than your own and getting on with stuff whilst trying to cultivate a faith in something other than you. A higher power, this makes life lighter, easier and more enjoyable. I'm down with that. It may not work for everyone but i know it works for me. When I'm left to my own devices my character defects take over and i don't live life in a productive and reasonable way. It's pretty simple. I'm just a bot of a Div to it sometimes.
After the meeting I felt pretty good and did a few things to try and generate work. This involved emailing some casting agents and modelling agencies to try and build on the long forgotten TV advert i have just done. Surely there must be some work out there for a Gordon Ramsay, Bill Nighy and David Beckham hybrid look a like?
I don't care if I advertise Jimmy Saville commemorative shell suits. Lance Armstrong 'keep it clean' badges or Abu Habanza 'Hooks', as long as I get paid I'm on board.
Rest of the day rolled on and I went to see Taken 2. The first one was enjoyable shit. This one was just plain shit. If you like your movies to be totally meaningless, brain dead and full of casual violence then this is a winner. You'll love it. Basically in a nutshell, his family gets taken and then he kills everyone. The only difference is this one is set in Istanbul. There i just saved you £12.50.
£12.50 to go to the cinema! That's just taking the piss £12.50 for a shivering shit hole of an Odeon with an uncomfortable seat and a draft. Fuck me I want Liam Neeson serving me Choc Ices and Popcorn for that money. Liam if I don't get my money back I will find you and I will have to kill you. I feel almost obliged to leave a mess everywhere for £12.50. Orange Wednesday anyone. Like all good unemployed people I should go in the daytime to join the other lonely singular souls doing the same. Must do better Nicholas.
Dear God please can you make Cinema prices cheaper and the movies in them better. That's 2 on the bounce now that have been horseshit. Maybe I should revert back to weird Serbian arthouse flicks about degradation and 3 legged dogs. Surely anything must be better than American propagandist mongflicks i seem to be drawn to. Still at least I'll learn from the occasion a few Christmases ago when my Nan came to stay with my Mum and I decided to go out and get a DVD for us all to watch. Just me, my Mum and then 85 year old Nan. My choice? Leaving Las Vegas. I think I got to the gang rape scene before I switched over to Emmerdale. Clearly my choice in movies needs to improve
xx
Hahaha watching gang rape with yer Nan over a mince pie - classic!
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