Day 278 - Weds 17th Oct - And my Addiction today is.....

Today's blog is about addiction. Before you click off and think 'there he goes again banging on about alcoholism or drug addiction', read on. This is not a sanctimonious rant about anything other than how some addictions are utterly ridiculous and futile. I found two new ones today.

Before we go on, lets define addiction. What is it? Well lets go to the online dictionary for a definition;

Addiction

1. A physical or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, such as a drug or alcohol. In physical addiction, the body adapts to the substance being used and gradually requires increased amounts to reproduce the effects originally produced by smaller doses. See more at withdrawal.

 

2. A habitual or compulsive involvement in an activity, such as gambling.

 

I've pretty much covered definition number 1 in many of my entries this year. As most of you will know I am a recovering alcoholic and deeply interested and ingrained in the whole process of recovery and addiction. I became and am dependant on alcohol to mask many of my character flaws. It's only really through attending a 12 step fellowship am I able to stay sober and free from alcohol. At least for today anyway. That's the dull bit out of the way. Now to get stuck in.

 

Addiction nearly always has negative connotations and there is no doubt it is a destructive force. I have an addictive personality and  have been through many 'habitual & compulsive activities' in my time. Sex, women, shopping, pornography, endurance sports, diet coke, cigarettes, holidays, mahogany tans, Ebay, Elvis, muffins, ice cream, skinny jeans, cowboy boots, total yoghurt. You name it I've been compulsive over it.

 

It's weird, it's like nothing else matters in the world other than that strange compulsion and you pursue it to the max. Far beyond what most normal people will do, just to get that buzz. If you enjoy it you want to keep doing it again and again. It's like there is no stop. No end. No limits. 

 

It ultimately gets in the way of life and being a productive balanced human being. Sometimes these flaws are attractive and appealing to people. How many 'bad' relationships have we all got into because of the thrill and excitement only to wish you never went there? An unchecked addiction is highly destructive and also painful for the people involved with the afflicted. Sometimes you have to look beneath the surface to see it and the viewing is not for pretty viewing.

 

Having said that just because i have an addictive personality i don't have to live in misery when it comes out in certain ways. Today was a classic example. My addictive nature was in full bloom but it didn't stop me having a normal day. Anyway, here's my new found addictions today;

 

Addiction Number 1 - DVD Box Set Friday Night Lights. Series 2

 

 

It was nearly midnight last night when i slipped on Episode 4. I thought, 'I'll just get a cheeky one in before bed'. Episode 4 turned into 5, which then turned into Disc 2, which contains 4 episodes. I kept saying, 'one more'. I was wide awake and before i knew it, it was 4am. Dawn chorus approached. I had to be at work at 9. 'Well as long as i get 6 hours sleep, turned into 5 hours, which turned into 'no less than 4', which finally turned into 'there's no point in leaving this disc unwatched, i may aswell finish off episode 9', It was now 5am. Birds were tweeting. I actually thought of pulling an all nighter and cracking open Disc 3, Episodes 10-14. But i went to bed and slept for 3 hours instead.

 

I was of course totally fucked for work today and my own fault too. It was exactly like drinking and makes me laugh every time I get a new DVD boxset as I know it's effectively audio visual Vodka to me. Compulsive to say the least.
 

 

Addiction Number 2 - Richard Ashcroft - Human Conditions Album - Track - Lord I've Been Trying

 

Oh god I love it. I must have played this track 20 times. The whole song is amazing and there is a lyric 2 minutes in that I truly love. The words and melody are poetic and makes me emotional. I rewind and listen, rewind and listen. I do this to every song or track or album I love. I play the fuck out of it until I'm totally sick of it and put it down for months. I'm sure lots of people do that,

Same with a favourite jumper or pair of boots. Thank god I'm not a girl otherwise my shoes and bag collection would be immense.

So there you have it. Not exactly rock and roll. Not headline grabbing. Not life destructing addictions are they? But the patterns of behaviour are exactly the same. Highly addictive and compulsive. Thank god they are not Gin and LSD anymore. Then i truly would be buggered.

Final word goes to a lovely text i had from someone saying how much they enjoy this blog and how much of themselves they recognise it. How much identification they have. Music to my ears and gives me another boost and reason for doing it. There is nothing better than identification in my book as a human being. Makes me realise i'm not alone and it's not just me who has crazy thoughts and levels of insanity. It's a lonely old place this world when you're soldiering on alone thinking your a bit of a freak. To get messages like that makes me feel good inside.

Anyway enough of this nonsense I've got a DVD to watch. I mean episodes 15-20 aren't going to watch themselves now are they. Roll on addiction. I've missed you. i just wish i was addicted to work or salad or comedy. That way I'd be bloody dangerous

Ggrrr
xx