Day 267 - Sat 6th October - Is God cool with Praying when your drying your hair?

I've been thinking alot about faith recently. Not the George Michael kind, that's called cottaging, more the higher power kind. It's increasingly taking a more important part in my life.

I guess before writing about it, it helps to know what it is; Here is the dictionary definition;

• complete trust or confidence in someone or something: this restores one’s faith in politicians
• strong belief in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual conviction rather than proof: bereaved people who have shown supreme faith
• count noun] a particular religion: the Christian faith
• [count noun] a strongly held belief: men with strong political faiths

My faith is not based on a strong religious belief. I wouldn't consider myself religious at all. My grandfather, Idwell Isaac Evans  (what a top name huh?) was a Welsh Preacher and my family have always attended Church. But it has never felt right or attractive to me. It's never felt right.

 

I always felt it had an image problem. R.E teachers always wore A line skirts or moth eaten cardigans with greasy hair. Songs of Praise never gave the impression they liked to party let alone have a proper good 3's up. Religious preachers on the street shouting through loud hailers about God always looked they would do a spree killing at any time. Christian religion always had a PR problem in my opinion.

 

Going to church in Wales was always a thoroughly miserable and dour occasion where everyone looked like they were extras from Last of the Summer wine. It was quiet, sombre and joyless. It just didn't appeal so i turned my back on it from an early age.

 

Jesus was definately uncool and God was always considered for those who were weak. I had no faith, no concept of other religions or faiths and that was just the way i wanted it for many years. It was me and my atheism & ignorance thank you very much.

 

The result? I hated me, my life, the world and got pissed at every opportunity to get away from it. How do you like them apples God?

 

Then i entered into a fellowship to help with sobriety which effectively encourages a faith and belief in a power greater than yourself. It says God as you understand it. It doesn't have to be an organised religion or one particular god but whatever you consider God to be. I like that. You can do it at your own pace.

 

Now this was a big problem to me. I thought oh he we go. The old religious cult is trying to get hold of me here. But as it turned out it was nothing of the sorts.

 

I was told 'the only thing you need to know about God Nick, is that you're not fucking it'. That helped alot. I don't control the sun ,the day, the tide, you, the world, anything. When i do i am trying to play God. That usually sets me on a collision course with something.

 

At first GOD was 'A Group of Drunks, The Great Outdoors, Good orderly Direction'. I started praying even though i had no idea what it was to and felt a right berk for doing it. Even though i have kept at it pretty much every day for 11 years i wouldn't say my faith has increased significantly. I felt OK in meetings and when praying but the other 23 hours a day i was self sufficient. I felt i had it deep down but it wasn't in me all the time. I felt i didn't really have it. Until I've felt a murmuring of it recently. A smidgen of it.

 

I've been through various stages of course. Until reasonably recently I'd got into the habit of praying in the morning whilst drying my hair with a hairdryer on my knees. I thought i was being smart and saving time but someone pointed out to me maybe it wasn't cool. Maybe that was technically a void prayer because i wasn';t giving it my full attention. How busy am i that i thought 'doubling up' was the way forward. I may as well have been texting, BBM, tweeting and Whats Apping whilst praying and be done with it.

 

I'm pretty sure God would have been shaking his (I'll call him He) head at the stupidity of me. God is always there, He doesn't go anywhere. It's just if we choose to tune in or not. I reckon he's got a top sense of humour, but drying the hair whilst praying is a bit disrespectful and weirdly i always have a 'bad hair day' after doing this. Coincidence?

 

Is it cool to dry your hair whilst praying? No. Also does it matter if you kneel or stand? What should i say? Who is it to? What if someone sees? Will it work? My god (not you just the turn of phrase Lord) how self conscious am i? Does it matter? Do you really think God is going to judge your prayer invalid because you weren't kneeling down? Like some kind of X Factor God Judge. NO.

 

I have to say I've recently felt some faith. I've tried to carry it with me during the day in between meetings. I rarely remember but when i do it's amazing. Comforting. Makes me feel stronger and less needy. Helps the fear reduce, helps me stop thinking I'm a total prick and just gives me a peace about myself. It's pretty good stuff i tell you. Maybe that's what all those old timers have been on about.

 

It's not going to turn me into Aled Jones or Songs pf praise or one of those lunatics on Oxford Street. I'm not going to have to tap a tambourine and exclaim the praise of the lord. I'm still a bit of a rascal. I still have many defects and faults but that's OK I've accepted them.

 

All i have to do is try and do a shift for my fellow human, try my best and attempt to cultivate this thing called faith. It is basically like a safety net. A cushion for life. Life is harsh. There are lots of disappointments, pain, hurt, anger. We are fragile creatures and going it solo where it's just me and the world is a lonely painful place for me. When i have a faith it somehow makes it easier and lighter and i get by OK.

 

I feel my Nan has someting to do wuth this faith. She passed away in June and her life force was incrdedible and i really saw more of it and appreciated it more this year as she got more ill. I can't really explain it properly but i feel her spirit somewhere.

 

My writing has taken on a different flow over the past few months and i now enjoy it and hope something may come of it. I have hope. I would never have said that at the start of the year. Success or change is always for other people i think, never for me. I think her spirit is with me and guiding and that has helped my faith. I hope it stays and increases as it makes me feel OK and happy.

 

It's a spirit that is infinitely better than Vodka thats for sure and i like it, plus i'm not going to dry my hair whilst praying again. The quiff needs full attention as does God. These two are seperate tasks. I know that now.

 

xx