I owe the world an amends. Yesterday I wrote a blog that was effectively a controlled losing of temper. It was ugly and grim. One long angry rant against pretty much everything and everyone.
I took a fearless and thorough moral inventory of anything other than myself. I made mass generalisations and judgments on things I know little about.
I was angry, I was tired, I was pissed off and I'm sorry. I'm sorry Grand Designs. I'm sorry Gay bloke in Water tower. I'm sorry rich people. I'm sorry everyone in Wimbledon Village. I'm sorry Bankers or anyone who's successful. I'm sorry People on Facebook who press 'Yes' or 'maybe'. I was a right dick.
Long angry rants on things that are effectively not important are ugly, Particularly when they have little humour or humility in them.
It's a funny sort of insanity. Criticising people for not caring about others when the one who was criticising was doing specifically that. How arrogant is it to make sweeping generalisations and deliver moral judgments on half the world when my own house isn't in order? I surprise myself sometimes by my enormous Ego. It runs out of control and I don't even have 2 bottles of Smirnoff to blame.
Here is a quote I love and should remember before shooting my mouth off.
"There is one thing that will keep man in eternal ignorance. That thing is contempt prior to investigation" - Herbert Spencer.
It's me. Why let informed research, listening and open mindedness get in the way of a good critical judgment? Doesn't make for a healthy mind and full life does it? I thought I was open minded but sometimes I'm the opposite. I see that tonight after my home group meeting at Richmond. Nurofen for the soul. I was wrong and just horrid. Old Nick surfaced and it's not pretty unchecked.
Lack of sleep. Lack of meetings. Lack of spiritual nourishment and connection and I slip into 'Angry Judgmental Nick' really easily. Knobhead. Must do better.
After leaving work early and having an afternoon nap. (why do you wake up feeling more tired than a mother with triplets?) I met a pal who has Cancer. Talk about put things in perspective. I put him right on his problems when i described Grand Designs. (Joke). It is Cancer awareness week and as they said to me, 'I am aware I have Cancer'. Seems like it's on the increase. More people seem to be affected by it. We all know someone who has it, had it or are affected by it. It was interesting to listen to them describing their feelings of living with it. It was good to talk to them. It helped me let go of my resentment against Grand Designs and I even fought the temptation to talk about myself for over an hour. Must be some kind of record.
They said they need to look after themselves. That they are scared but feel like they are not giving enough back to the world. After I told them not to be so frigging stupid, (You can talk normally to someone with Cancer apparently) I encouraged them to write about it. This person is full of wisdom and the most incredible life experience. I said by writing not only will it help them but others who read it too. As long as they don't get more readers than my blog (averaging 50) then I think they should do it.
From my experience it helps you feel connected with people when you get comments that identify and helps them. I said they will feel much better and I hope they do it. I'm even going over next week to help them set up a blog. Don't just say Nick but do. A wise old man once said to me, "Nick.....pass me a Werthers". Only kidding, he said, "People are either walkers or talkers". Well today I decided to be a walker. Makes me feel better than spreading bile on the world.
Sorry once again world. I hope you're very happy in your £6million water cooler tower house and as someone commented on my blog yesterday. Of course I'd sleep with the bloke off Grand Designs to get that house. Nothing worse than a hypocrite sanctimoniously ranting and judging is there? Maybe I should go into politics?
Have a tidy weekend bloggers. Me love you long time
xx
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