Day 275 - Sun 14th Oct - Blog Review - We are all in this together

I had tons of topics in my head today. 'Sober Sex' was one. 'The day i got barred from Bikram Yoga' another. 'Fear v Faith' and another topic i was thinking about was 'The Joy of Cardigans'. Finally there was 'how i set my self esteem by how many Twitter followers i have'

I'm indecisive, so instead i want to focus on this blog so far. Three quarters of the year has passed so maybe it's time for a review. A catch up. A Progress report.

Some have joined the blog recently, others dip in and out now and again. There a few hardened every day readers who i officially love. It's become a habit, a part of me and my life and in some small way a part of yours too.

It's weird that i sit here alone in my underpants at my kitchen table tapping away on this laptop stopping for countless cups of tea and silk cuts, that i can be so connected to a wider network of people.

We live in a world of instant communication. We can inform the world of what we are doing, how we are feeling, where we have been. Information through Facebook, Twitter, Internet, blogs, video, sms, Whats App. BBM. So isn't it ironic that we actually communicate less now?

Why phone when you can BBM? Why meet for coffee when you can Facebook? Why ask questions when everyone updates their lives for all to see?

One would have thought that mass communication and technology would have improved how we communicate with each other. Not really, it's just shortened it. Made it hyper real. A headline of the truth.

Look at my Facebook account. Pics of me meeting Grace Jones, Clare Balding, doing comedy clubs, holidays etc and you would think i had a pretty cool London 'man about town' life. The reality is very different. I met her for 5 mins at party, i do a monthly comedy club in a pub and i went on holiday for 1 week. The rest of the time is buying bin liners, putting out the rubbish and cleaning my spunk socks now and again.

Modern communication edits our life. Packages them and makes you wonder, 'Is that person having a beter life than me?' It's not really the truth.

I'm part of the problem. I use sms and other communication tools too much. It's addictive. I tell myself to speak to people more but I'm as guilty as the next man.

I miss bits of life too, I'm too busy tweeting what an amazing experience I'm missing (because I'm looking at my phone) or taking pics because it will look great on Facebook. Life is something that happens when you're busy making APPS. (Updated from John Lennon lyric)

I write this blog every day but many say it's too long, you should video it, make it more accessible.

I readily admit i want more followers. For some reason doing it for 274 consecutive days has made me think I have a voice. I have something to say.That i have something. People respond to my writing. They connect. I feel my writing or rants would be good on a wider scale. Maybe that's my arrogance and I'm fooling myself but I think it holds up against other work I've seen.I feel i can help people. I feel i can add value to the world.

My point is this. With all the instant communication where is the real truth? Where is the real communication?

How many people put 'I am depressed and I'm struggling financially, I hate myself and I want to commit sucide'? Or 'I have an eating disorder' or 'I feel worthless' or whatever? How the fuck can you put that on a Whats App? Maybe they should design an APP specifically for people in pain. And are people really that interested? A short Facebook message of 'i'm thinking about you', seems to sate people's guilt.

Isn't it ironic that we spend less time with people. Less human contact. Less talking. So therefore we hide all the pain inside. Many of us feel more alone than ever.

We are all damaged souls one way or another and in my own little way it feels so good to get a message (acceptable in sending communication to a stranger) from someone saying something I wrote helped them. Even if it's to say it gave them the courage to speak up to say what was in their head, to be honest with themselves. Many people say I write what they are thinking but never let out.

Some say this blog is too open, that i say too much. It's a fair point, but i grew up in an alcoholic home where you weren't allowed to show the outside world what was going on. Not to tell anyone at school even though World War 3 was going on at home. A secret. Well That never helped me. That never helped the situation.

I suffered in silence for years, crying out for someone to notice. To say 'are you OK'. Do you need a hand. You look like you're struggling.

We live in an era where depression and obesity is at record levels. We use more anti depressants than the rest of the world. Addiction, divorce, bankruptcy, suicide rates are at an all time high. Yet Facebook walls and Twitter feeds are full of what Louis Walsh said on X factor. Mass non-versation (Conversation about nothing as pioneered by my Nan and Auntie Gwynie)

I have learnt loads doing this blog. Some days have been shit. The wriitng's been dull and new readers may think 'whats all the fuss about?' But you know what? People that follow it regularly 'get me' and get what I'm trying to do. Yes some days are funny, others bland. Some days are profound and others just sound. Point is they are from my heart. Not aimed at a market, 'packaged'. I'm not selling anything. Just me & my head. It is something i feel passionate about and believe. For once i have been totally true to myself and it feels good.

Someone showed me a splendidly conceived blog from a woman called Emily Hartridge who does a weekly Video blog called '10 reasons why...'. She has thousands of followers and will probably get a TV show. Check it out and let me know what you think.

http://www.youtube.com/user/emilyhart?feature=g-all-u

Should i do something on a similar format? With my own style and message of course, from the heart. As opposed from the Hartridge.

Hopefully one of my main strengths that has come out this blog is the sense of unity. We are all in it together. We are different yet the same. I hate silence and repression. I'd rather be too open than shut like a book. It's just me and i don't apologise for that,

I have been told when i share my head it allows others to open up too, so maybe that's the role of this blog? The role of me?

Who know. I'm not going to lie I'd really like to launch this as a product on a bigger scale but I lack focus and if i'm being really honest belief in myself too. The old low self esteem is never far away.

Maybe i need to write on specific themes. Serious and funny. I tell you what. The best people to ask how they would like it. What they would like to hear is YOU. What do you want? How would you suggest I take it?

Weekly video blog. Shorter writing. Themes, topics or carry on as it is?

I'm open to all your suggestion bloggers. After all without you reading it, I have no blog, I may as well just sit here at my laptop in my pants and beat off to 'Jugs Jules 8'

Big love you all. And i mean that. We are all one

Let me know your thoughts. I need direction. Just not One Direction.

Bye
xx