Day 145 - Friday 25th May - Busy Head Day

I was chatting last night to someone about social media, business and various things when i realised my head is busier than the M25. (especially today when there was a 4 hour tailback due to a lorry carrying vodka crashing and setting fire killing the driver. Alcohol really is a killer)

Nan ill (today she is comfortable in the hospice), tax bill (s), parking tickets, friendships, relationships (with the world) sobriety (oh yes that) alcoholic thinking, self confidence, low self esteem, comedy, writing, laptops, passwords, this blog, 3 companies. My head is busy.

I realised just how much I'm taking on and how much i am overwhelmed by the mass of information. I'm a man. I have limited brain space. Mostly only room for what can i eat? What sort of sex can i get? and what formation will England play in Euro 2012.

For instance i have been writing this blog every day since Jan. I have fuck all followers as i write loads and don't organise it very well. If i put on a wordpress blog, created topics of everything covered as a menu and created keywords and links, it would be easier to create a following. I mean where else can you have topics as diverse as Nazi concentration Camp Trannies and Alcoholism in LLanelli? Plus if i tweeted properly and used these avenues well, then who knows i may even get to break to 20. Fuck it, even the 30 mark of followers. Really high roller stuff.

In addition i have to get my head around building strategies for;

1 - Financial services company i work for
2 - Security company i consult for
3 - Comedy Chops
4 - Me
5- TheRefzone my other business

All of these require social media, sophisticated plans and interaction, and guess what? I haven't a fucking clue. I keep expecting the tap on the shoulder when i get sussed out. But it's yet to come. I think my key so far has been in looking good in a suit and like i know what I'm doing. I've even had my barnet cut short to look even more professional. Though it's just made me look like a failed Eurovision act from the 80's

Still, although i didn't conform to the City standard dress down Friday attire of beige chinos, deck shoes and light blue shirt. i was bold and did the whole button up and no tie look. At least 5 people asked me where my tie was. i smiled and laughed, whilst inside thinking 'fuck you cunt, don't have the temerity to take the piss out of me when you are dressed like Matalan Man'. i didn't though and moved on.

Point is I'm confused. I have lots going on. I can get a busy head on the calmest of days. Add a load of work and other stuff in and my brain turns to Weetabix covered in Milk.

So whats the best thing to do? Work harder? Plan? Seek advice from professionals? Well yes to all of those things. But my tried and tested formula. The one thing that comes naturally to me, that i don't even have to try and do when confronted with lots on is simple. Avoid.

yes, that's right simply avoid and indulge in behaviours that completely distract me for hours on end so i don't have to think about things and worry. No longer alcohol or drugs but I'll get stuck right into Shopping, exercise, Porn, sex. All of the above really. Sometimes all together.

When my head is fuller than Nigella Lawson's arse, i just want to escape. Now granted it actually makes everything worse and makes the fear levels rise uncontrollably but you have to have some kind of system don't you?

I vowed not to do that today so it was Into work, did business card proof (fucking yeas love it), wrote PR piece, made a list of things to put off until next week/year. Went to a lunchtime casting for a Tesco Mobile commercial to play a yoga type person. i was quite excited until i got there and received the full clinical way of casting, Take clothes off, pose, speak to camera, fuck off. Next.

Back to office, business partner on phone all day. problem with things for Aviva Prem Final tomorrow we displaying at. Cock is itchy. (unconnected)

And thus the day drew to a close. A great AA meeting in the evening was followed by dinner with the troops, which was interrupted somewhat by trying to speak to PC Macbook experts about a cable issue with our TV feed for my company's big day at Twickenham Rugby final tomorrow. It doesn't work, that's all no biggy. It;s only the very existence of our company that hinges on tomorrow and £20k of my investment. No dramas.

Still, if it all goes tits up i know one thing. I can get some work as a Karl Largerfield lookalike. That was a new bit of abuse thrown at me today. I'm so sick and full of need to be looked at and noticed that i took it is a compliment. Now where's that therapist?

xx