Also Barry Lewis, owner of Lewis Homeware shop in the market opposite Wilkinsons, who DJ's part time at the British Legion and sends people to Wilkinson because 'it's cheaper than here'. Is on a health kick. He's lost 2 stone by cutting down from 4 glasses of wine per night to 1 and 'cutting down' on chips, i have a children's portion per night'. Hardly the paleo diet is it?
Not quite as scientific as my Uncle Ken's diet though. His one was ultra revolutionary I'm convinced it should be marketed as the new Atkins fad diet. It's basically the 'not having salt and vinegar on me chips' diet. Cut out that nasty salt and vinegar shit, that piles it on. I can imagine all those skinny botches in Chelsea going nuts for this diet. You couldn't make it up, Uncle Ken is convinced that is healthy.
Thats the sort of place Llanelli is. Healthy eating is essentially children's portions chips or no salt and vinegar. 5 a day is limited to pasties. In fact the vegetables in the pasty are indeed counted as all of the 5-a-day in Llanelli. There are more bakeries and pasty shops per square foot than anywhere else in the world. You are never more than a shirt hop in your mobility scooter from a bakers in Llanelli. Comforting thought for all the obese. The pasty and sausage roll is king here. It is the only place I've actually seen in the UK that has to have barriers in Greggs to handle the queues.
They have parking spots for the mobility scooters out the front. There are plans for a mobility scooter drive through. Well it's a window on a counter by the door but will save them having to haul themselves off the scooter in their tracksuit bottoms (elasticated) to queue up by the barriers like it's a ticket office for a Coldplay gig. Eagerly awaiting the fresh pastry and dripping meat combo. Perfect.
They even have 'baby pasites'. Kids are raised on this, along with rissoles from the chippy. 8 months old and being fed baby pasties. You couldn't make it up. I'd really like to see the Government challenge that particular mindset with education. Not quite sure a warning on a Pastie bag about the calories is going to cut it. Who says they can fucking read it anyway?
But there is potential disaster ahead. The Pasty tax is on it's way. The Government are wanting to add VAT to the pasty, sausage roll or any other freshly baked savoury, classing it as 'hot food' which liable to VAT. This will increase the cost of the pasty by 20%. Potentially disastrous in areas of low income and austerity. It will mean people will have to ration their weekly Pasty from 65 to 60. It's going to hit them all hard.
I mean i can't see Jenkins or Gregg's selling many Caesar wraps, or Focaccios. In fact Most people in Llanelli think Foccacio is what you give to your woman when she's had a trim. (like that Gag)
The Pasty tax is deeply unpopular. The lower incomes who thrive on them along with a healthy balanced diet of small portion of chips and no salt will revolt. There will be anarchy on the streets. Well for around 30 minutes anyway as everyone is so malnutritioned from piss poor diet they don't have any energy to riot. The London ones were fuelled purely by Red Bull and Greed. This one will be purely on Pasties.
The Jenkins petition is up to 3,000 with Gregg's Nationwide up to 500,000. It should be double that but the 1st page ran due to grease on the paper. We shall see what happens.
The only way is Llanelli Folks. TOWIL
xx
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