Mileage 6 mile + x5 100 meter Richmond Hill sprints. Weekly Mileage - 39.5 miles
Today's blog was going to be about how beautiful it was to get up and run on a sunny morning, about how lovely the Thames and Richmond Park was at 8am. About how i nearly fainted on doing hill sprints without eating first and on the back of a long run yesterday (Learn from my mistakes Nicholas)
It was going to be about how I'm well chuffed to have done over 20 miles this weekend and feel good. How i nearly did 40 miles for the week. About how the next 2-3 weeks is going to be hard in stepping up mileage and intensity but I'm looking forward to it.
It was going to be about keeping it simple and getting good sleep, rest, peace, gym work and lots of injury free mileage this weekend and being a right boring sod
It was going to be about Wales winning the triple crown and my Team Liverpool FC winning the Carling Cup dramatically even though they should have killed off the game in 90 minutes.
It was going to be about the hope and aspiration this spring weather brings and about how the weekend has genuinely been a sport fest.
it was even going to be about how my new sensible hairdo makes me look like a faded 80's pop star combined with Sean Penn, the mentally challenged bloke from the film 'I am Sam'
But No, all that changed when tonight at 6pm, i entered into the world of total and utter alcoholic madness. Not mine, well not mine whilst drinking, but someone close who has relapsed in a major way and is totally out of control. Grim and scary.
It was like being around a child possessed by the demon. Think the kid in Poltergeist and you've got it one. Gruesome.
It made me think of my childhood with my father as an alcoholic. All the bullshit, ego, chaos, broken promises, the massive arrogance yet total insanity.
It was like a scientific experiment. And totally highlighted the difference between heavy drinkers and alcoholics. It's not the amount drunk, it's what it does to the person when they drink. Like Jekyll and Hyde
Heavy drinkers or normal people when drunk are just a fuller extension of themselves. They either get lippy, lairy, horny, tearful, morose, jolly or sick. Alcoholics just become a fucking nightmare.
The ego and arrogance is detected by the smirk on their face, like they've got a superior view even though they are totally out of it. They get angry and defensive when confronted and lash out like a wounded animal. The become defiant at the mere hint of getting found out or their secret stash taken. They become self piteous and hysterical when threatened.
They will do almost anything to get what they want, Nice or nasty it depends on what the alcoholism dictates.
There is so much bullshit debate., Is it a disease? Is it not? People tell me they don't believe in it. Really? well try studying this one tonight,
You can see the human being in the body, trapped deep down inside but they are totally dominated by the alcoholic personality. The disease dominates them. John Barleycorn himself. The devil has clearly taken over.
The saddest part is that most people don't see it, recognise it and handle the the alcoholic like they are a real person. It is useless speaking to them until they are sober. You are effectively dealing with the clinically insane when an alcoholic has taken a drink. All bets are off.
It made me yet again realise the value of AA and a 12 step programme. I know it gets a lot of stick ('Brainwashed, robots, simple etc etc) But usually only from people that have tried it and started drinking again. Fuck me if i started drinking again i would slaughter it. Why? Because it's full of sober people not drinking. Precisely the sort of people you hate when you're drinking!!!!! Why would you not slaughter it - that Ladies and Gentlemen is called denial.
Why does someone like Charlie Sheen go out of his way to destroy AA and 12 steps? 'Look at me everyone, i''m doing so well i need everyone in the world to know I'm doing well and those people in AA are twats. Losers'.
Well fair enough, everyone is entitled to an opinion, and i certainly don't speak for AA. He may have had a bad experience, there are people in AA who are knob heads and he may have experienced them.
But if you have a bad meal do you boycott restaurants? If there are people in the pub who are well out of line and a nuisance (was usually me) then do you stop going to pubs and renounce pubs? No you go to another you like.
So why do people with drink and drug problems renounce AA as shit? Well maybe something to do with alcoholic ego. If it didn't work for me so it must be shit!! And i need to persuade you that i am right and everyone else is wrong. No hint of alcoholic ego there right?!
No doubt there are people, counsellors etc who are smug, pious, lack humility, are brainwashed and seem to think their way is the smart way. Just like religious people who look down on non believers.
If they were true people of God then they would have no space in their life for arrogance. That's the way i see it.
So tonight when i saw someone reject AA, 12 steps and sobriety. With such vicious denial. I just thought, 'Ok I'm hearing you, but you're hardly making your way appealing', shaking like Ozzy Osbourne taking a shit, stinking of booze, slurring, bloated and full of piss and wind.
if that's the case, then I'll just quietly march on my path with the AA pack. It may have faults but hey fuck it, at least i get not to die alone in a bedsit at 60 years old, penniless, lonely and totally skint. What a bonus!
I just felt sad and angry. Not so much at this person but about the disease that robs people of so much and yet it's lost on society because everyone drinks. That's not to say i demonise drink because i dont. Alcoholism is in people not bottles. People can drink and i have no beef, its when the alcoholism is palmed off as binge drinking or something else. Cut to the fucking chase people it's a disease called alcoholism
If you have a nut allergy and eat nuts it has a physical and biological effect on your body. Without treatment and avoidance of nuts it will make you unwell and kill you. here is no difference with booze, it's the same with alcohol, it just takes longer. Put it in an alcoholics system and it just sets off the illness in full technicolour, Chaos, drama, bad decisions, other loonies, broken promises. Just fucking problems
It robs people of jobs, families, homes, all because people cannot babysit alcoholics, and you have to save yourself before the alkie takes you under. You see because the disease is greedy. It will not be satisfied until it has taken everything from you, your partner and anyone close. It is voracious. It is powerful.
It is a fucking killer.
It took my Dad. It;s taking my brother, it's got hold of my pal. It's an absolute cunning illness as it camouflages itself so well most of the country and world don't actually believe it's a disease.
Oh yeah? GO to the liver units, to the psychiatric wards, to the GP's. Go and see the death certificates that say 'Heart disease, liver failure'. It may as well stamp alcoholism on them
Are you seriously trying to tell me alcoholism is not a disease, just because it cannot be x-rayed or prooved with a blood test.
A friend of mine died at 56, He had 10 years sober and then went back to drinking, dead within 3 years. At his funeral his wife was told by an AA. 'So sorry about xxxxxx, i wish i would have taken him to more meetings. The wife replied 'Oh, he isn't that bad'.......He;s in the fucking ground luv. Dead. Early, brought on by alcoholism. How bad do you want?
That is the level of denial we have in this country. From everyone.
This is not exactly a subtle approach this bog, as I'm angry - but i hope it may plant at least an idea in someones head that it is a disease and that it is not a choice.
Had an angry wank and went to bed. Possibly self GBH. I reckon i would get sent down for a 12 stretch by the wank police if i got found out. (Sorry Nan)
xx
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